caughthiminject

Well guys, I made it. Just over eight hours of flying and I'm in a hotel room mid-way to my home tomorrow. He drove me to the airport this morning and we just hugged and cried so much. He still loves me, promises to get better, etc, etc. It was gut-wrenching. I miss him. I know I can't be with him. I know he's just lying to me like he has 100 times before. But I'm so sad and so lonely here. What if I never meet anyone again who loves me and does all the happy things we do together when he's sober? Maybe it's better to have him than no one... he says he only injects once every few years and he only gets really super drunk once every couple months... maybe it's not that bad... he says there's no problem... alright, I hear myself talking. It makes no sense. I just miss him so much. Okay I really want to jump off this hotel balcony, I'm so sad. I still have another flight tomorrow morning though.

dollydo

You are young there are many good men out there for you to love, and who will love you back.

The guy you are with is not Mr. Right, he is Mr. Wrong.

He is lying to you about how often he uses, he is doing what addicts do, LIE. He also drinks and cheats on you with prositutes, how much more proof do you need that he is not worthy of you.

Please, for your own sake, go no contact, move forward with your life, let him go.

laurie6781

I am glad you are on your way home.

Yes, there are plenty of more considerate, kind, respectful men out there than him.

You are 'missing' THE DREAM you thought you had. You have no real clue to what this man really is, other than what he has just shown you these last weeks. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with that?

Please read some more on this site, to show yourself what you have just gotten away from before it gets WORSE.

Please continue to post, cry, rant, rave, scream, and yes even laugh to let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.

We are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

cc88

I'm so sorry, that sounds very heartbreaking. All I can say is that between the "for sure's" and "unknowns" you've already listed staying in the relationship as a "for sure" impossibility, which anyone here will support you and say is the wise choice. From experience, I'd sympathetically caution you that every email you answer or phone call you pick up or text you send back does nothing but harm to you. Apologies if this sounds cold at all, its not, I've been where you are, and its a WHOLE lot easier if there is just a clean break; zero communication (which doesnt mean reading/listening, without replying) for at least a pretty long while.

Worry about YOU for a while. I really hope you start to feel better when you make it home. Hugs.

wellnowwhat

You are alone in a cold, impersonal hotel after a nightmare trip and your "dream" was at the airport promising everything you ever had hoped for. No wonder you are feeling so low.

I found that when I was missing the "dream" of what could be (based on the fleeting great moments we had) that it helped a lot if I was careful of what music I listened to and stories I read and movies I watched. They could heap more despair on my already black mood.

There are too many stories where we "stand by our man" or love survives unsurmountable challenges, or that romantic sorrow is somehow noble. It makes for an o.k. movie or song, but sucks to actually try to keep alive. (Haha, maybe this is why I like the nature or history channels best!)

Please read lots, and reread your early posts to remind yourself of the awful moments that led you here. I find Alanon helps me alot. Treat yourself gently. Any TLC you can give yourself, you've earned!

artist83

I felt the same way after my last relationship ended - I feared being alone, feared never finding someone who would love me unconditionally. And when I stopped looking and simply started living my life, love found me.

You will find someone who will love you and fulfill all of your needs. But first you need to start your life over, get YOU back before you are able to get into any type of relationship. Eventually things will get easier and you won't feel so lonely, then you'll find happiness within yourself, and when you least expect it love will find you.

Take care of yourself,

lightseeker

I completely understand your pain and all the voices in your head saying "maybe it wasn't all that bad". I even have done that with my situation and my husband was abusive!

I equate it to detoxing....it's painful -physically and emotionally. The neurochemicals in our brain are bonding to the same receptor sites that are involved in drug addiction....they are in the "pleasure center" of our brains. I left my husband in May and it's been a rough go of it - and emotionally some of my feelings have not made any sense to me....the same way that it doesn't make sense for someone to keep using drugs.

Just keep hanging in there.....this is hard stuff and I really want to honor the courage that it took for you to do what you did. I believe that the long term pain that you would have experienced is a lot worse than the short term pain that you will have to go through now. That has been the case for me. It's hard to leave but it's even harder to stay....

Keep the faith....there are lots of really nice men out there.....

caughthiminject

thank you for the support. i have arrived to the closest city to my home but am just too sick and tired to make the rest of the trip, so i'm spending the night here. I just need a good sleep. i have cut contact. i hope that i can keep with that though. i am afraid i will be too weak once he starts calling. i know that none of you are going to be able to understand this - but i live in thailand - and these are the sorts of men who visit here and live here. so he's actually the greatest guy i met in 10 years of living here. how sad is that? i don't have the option to move back to the states though, so i need to make my peace with this. right now i just want to calm down and get rid of all the stress, as it's making me physically ill.

LifeRecovery

Thinking of you.

It does get easier. The first bit is really hard to not be in contact though.

Freedom1990

Please be gentle with yourself and get some rest. I know too well about being physically ill from stress.

Sending you hugs of support!

lightseeker

glad that you are closer to your destination. I've realized that if the quality of man that I want isn't available it is not worth compromising on....maybe I just need to work on me and get happy with me.

I've made a pack with me, myself, and I......I will NOT get involved with a man until I can honestly say that I love my life and that I am happy being single. Until then....I am susceptible to bonding with someone that isn't a good match for me. In 4 months I've gone from feeling 5% "okay" to 75% "okay". It just takes time.

Glad that you are over the actual leaving part....