HFAEng

Good evening folks!
My first post here. In a nutshell, I'm a 30-year-old high-functioning alcoholic that has maintained a persona of a hot-shot engineer at a small research & development company. I'm pretty sure I could maintain like this forever with people perhaps knowing but not caring since I produce. However, that is not something I want.
I started drinking about 10 years ago when I had some skin cancer removed. I'm a-OK but at the time they wouldn't give me any pain meds since they knew I was driving. It was a 2 month recovery without anything useful so I turned to booze - for both physical and introspective "close call" reasons.
For some reason, that habit just stuck, culture of the school was a powerful enabler. That coupled with my sardonic personality and the current longitudinal state politics (I'm gay and these anti-gay policies kill me a little bit every time I hear about them). In any case, I need to / want to quit but there is no lifestyle motivation. A 1/2 a fifth a day is my max and I feel no desire to drink before work, but the chronic hangover is getting old...

Any advice?

ReadyAndAble

Hi, welcome to SR, HFAEng. I think you'll find a lot of support here. It's kind of quiet this time of night (or day, depending where you are), but should pick up in a bit. One piece of advice would be to stick around, keep posting, and keep reading. I learned a ton here about different paths to recovery, and different tools to help me along the way. Glad you found us.

Dee74

Welcome to SR HFAEng
You'll find a lot of support advice and encouragement here

SR really helped me turn my life around - I started off a day at a time....built from there.
Seeing a Dr is often a good idea too, I think - especially if you've been drinking regularly for a while...

good to have you with us

D

least

Welcome to the family.

saphira

Welcome!
I think it's great that you would like to remove alcohol from your life. A lot of us here were high-functioning alcoholics. For me, aside from my husband, NOBODY knew that I drank. That doesn't mean it didn't affect my life badly. Good for you for realizing it!
You will find all kinds of support on here! Keep reading and posting!!

instant

I too am "high functioning" since I gave up alcohol 110 days ago I have been functioning even better with some spare capacity now. I find peace in sobriety but the early stages can be confronting and hard going.

Hang in there and take it day by day

whycantistop

Hmm. Just as a change of perspective. I was high functioning and a sales hot shot, once making $5000 a month. Huge bonuses. The best references possible. Employers calling me without having to seek out any employment myself. A few bad decisions followed by a medical issue, and now I am desperately struggling with alcohol at the brink of complete ruination. You seem to have a good foothold in your career but things can change quickly if you are unprepared to cope. Bad habits like alcoholism can make you lose perspective and become apathetic towards major problems. Especially if you compare former success with recent hard times. Especially if you are used to having success. It's easy to see where a complete downward spiral can begin. You don't seem to have to worry so much about that but it's something to think about since anything is possible. I know that during my times of success I felt in control and I would never have imagined things could go as badly as they had for me. You seem to have yet to hit any hard times so it's possible you would be unprepared and turn to alcohol as a crutch. Everyone is different though and I hope I don't sound like I am using some kind of scare tactic. Just some of my own personal experience.

Boleo

Half-a-fifth is still "manageable" territory. However, alcoholism is a progressive disease. Sooner or later the bottles will seem to get smaller and the hangovers will get bigger. Or worse, the hangovers will go away and DT's will take their place.

You are smart to start to look into recovery now before the "YETS" occur.

Newtosoberlivin

Welcome!!! So glad you posted and please hang around with us!!

I don't have any "advice" per se. Have you decided which way you want to pursue this yet? What are your plans?

FTR, I have been a "functioning" alcoholic for close to twenty years. It actually feels freeing to type or speak that word, alcoholic. It sure sneaks up on you eventually, it's cunning like that.

You will find a lot of wonderful people here, between here and working my program, I have managed to "accrue" 16 days sober. It's hard in beginning, like anything worth having, but it is soooooooo worth it!!!

Nightsd

A "high functioning" addict is a temporary state that doesn't last forever. Certainly you are functioning NOW. But wait till your drinking gets worse (it invariably always does), your liver begins to fail, etc.

LoftyIdeals

HFA...I'm with whycantistop. Add depression to the downward spiral and you have my story. Not sure I would say half a fifth is manageable. That was my weekday minimum on most days, and doubled on weekends, which started Thurs night and ended Sunday. I'd say you are in the right place, and asking the right questions. Plus, everyone's threshold and experience is different. If your search for answers brought you here, you should reap all the wisdom and help you can. SR is a great site for recovery of all stages. Keep posting!

VolcomStone51

So this is kind of crazy, but I am an Environmental Engineer that is I guess what you call a hot shot in my profession as I have worked on almost every type of large scale environmental project that is out there in the past four years and have made a very good living out of it. Also, very weird coincidence, I just went through 6 months of chemotherapy last year (Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma). I too turned to the bottle to get through the tough time as I was pulled off a huge project in Florida to have my chemo administered in Chicago......so I think I can relate just a bit. I am recently over 6 months sober, 7 months just around the corner. This would be my advice and what worked for me......

-Take some time off the booze and set a goal (one month, two months or whatever) and stick to it and start working (honestly) with someone that you feel comfortable with about your drinking. Really try to do new things that you have always pushed to the side and re-connect with people that you may have wish you would connect more with. I would try all of these things and see if you like your new life or if you would rather just be a good heavy drinking engineer. For me I decided that I wanted to be great engineer that also cared for his family, friends and coworkers and also did what is best for me. I hope this helps and I wish the best for whatever it is you are trying to find.

UofI2008

Welcome to SR and think about how high functioning you could be without the booze and the hangovers.

Anna

I'm glad you found us and I hope that you make the decision to stop drinking.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR!

I hope you find the help you are looking for.

raindancer11

Welcome. I had few consequences from drinking other than the nasty hangover. However, when I quit, I realized how much it affected my work and relationships. I couldn't clearly see what I was putting up with, not to mention what my family was putting up with. Quitting is not easy but very much worth it. No regrets.

freshstart57

HFAEng and VolcomeStone,
You folks are telling my story - I am also a P Eng, and high functioning, still with a job, driver's licence, and a supportive family. I know that if I carried on with that 15 oz of vodka every (!?!!!) day, I would lose all of those things.

This is a great resource here at SR. Read as much as you can here. There is much comfort and support.

foodie1

So glad you're here HFAEng! These folks have been instrumental in the first stages of my sobriety and you'll appreciate the complete lack of judgement passed. Everyone here can relate. I was high-functioning too...but still an alcoholic. Still obsessed with the bottle. Still tossing and turning in cold sweats all night and fighting the hangover in the morning. Still hurting my body. Still worrying my husband. Still an alcoholic. When you can let your guard down and admit that, you'll start to feel the relief and the freedom and that will be your strength.

Pojman

HFAEng,

You and I have something in common. I am also a "high functioning alcoholic". I am also heavily involved in the world of academics, and I have an occupation that reflects this.

I am a research/development chemist, and I am also a licensed pharmacist. Although I am proud of those "titles", I am less proud of the fact that I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.

First thing I would like to mention is the fact that you seem a bit too comfortable with your situation. Just because you are not in a gutter somewhere does not mean that you do not have a problem. In fact - from what I hear you have a big problem.

I have come to realize that the most dangerous alcoholic is the "high functioning alcoholic". I do not have the time, or motivation, right now to get into all of the many reasons why this is true.

All I can say is - You need to tell whoever it is that cares about you that you have a problem. And seek some help. Do it now before it is too late. All of the accomplishments that you have made in your life via "high functioning", can be lost in a heartbeat if you do not start to manage your problem.

sugarbear1

Alcoholism has nothing to do with intelligence. Seperate issues, although of all the alkies I've known in over 25 years, high bottom or low bottom, More tend to be highly intelligent. Seriously intelligent. I live in the DC area, you'd be surprised who shows up at AA meetings, regularly. AA program is not one to be understood or debated. It works when you work it. Either stop and stay stopped, or live in your own misery by giving yourself excuses. Find someone who works the steps daily to guide you through your program. Miracles happen!

Best wishes!