MaryGoRound

I just wanted to create a space to voice our "will nots" and "i wills"

Here on some of mine:

I will not communicate with an active user. Period. I'm not a psychologist and unless I decide to get my masters in addiction counseling, there is nothing I can do or say.

I will no longer beat a dead horse. I may extend this out to include not only addicts, but just with jobs, friends, even other codies. You don't want help? As soon as I find myself going in circles..trying to fix a broken system..I let go and stop fighting it. I will not be made to feel insignificant by setting myself up for failure in that way.

I WILL find a new place for my compassion.
Ya no, an organization that actually needs, wants, and is ready for my help. Which will make me feel connected to my values, and I will feel like I am actually making a difference.

I WILL always come here before contacting. Ever again. In the long run, its not worth it. If he gets help, he has my number and I would only hope he'd be smart enough to let me know if he chooses a different path...Worse case, we never ever speak again...and who's really loosing then? Not me.

I will not forget that the bad trumps the good, here. Screaming his name when his dog tried to attack me, in the dark... but he was too f'ed up to even twitch. Wondering if he's dead or alive. Being ignored for weeks. Feeling like I could PROVE to someone I am worth quitting for....Being yelled at in the street on campus by a drunk in front of my friends, because we were no longer speaking...Stealing a crack pipe and putting myself at risk for a felony...and lastly, how could I forget...being told that my "pretty little face deserves to be disfigured" via text while high all for stealing said crack pipe.

(Granted, this person was out their mind, and has since apologized and sworn up and down he would never hurt me and has never even come close but the fact remains, I am doing myself a disservice by remaining connected to this person in anyway..I can forgive all by myself...A sick person is a sick person. There are doctor's for that. I might not have bruises, but I don't deserve to have nightmares, and be worried that my diamonds are going to be pawned if I turn my back...)

I will not feel guilty for sticking up for myself This means, that I can forgive my stepfather for abusing me. I don't have to try to develop a relationship with him. I already tried. I can forgive K for not being able to overcome his problems for me. All by myself.

I will recognize I was conditioned to put my needs on the backburner and I will work harder to break this habit This means sometimes I need to play. This isn't about being more responsible. This is about having fun as much as it is necessities

I will trust that I am healing and i will know in my heart I have to do this alone and the loneliness will pass

artist83

Thanks for this post. I think this is something that many of us needed to hear.

I will no longer enable others to behave in self-destructive and/or unhealthy manners.

I will put my own emotional well-being before anything/anyone else. At first I thought I was being selfish by putting myself before everyone else, but then I realized that if I don't get a handle on my emotions, it will soon lead to much more pain for myself and for the ones I love.

I will no longer allow others to manipulate me or use me for their own personal gain. I am done being manipulated and used, it's that simple. I am worth more than that.

and last but not least...

I will not attempt to control or be responsible for others' decisions and behaviors, and they must deal with the consequences of their actions without any help from me.

Ann

Great list here, I too find that writing things down helps me remember why I am doing this.

A great way to get out of myself and find supportive friends, was to go to meetings and learn many new ways to work through the pain and heal. Maybe give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Hugs