Newtosoberlivin

I told my parents about the fact I had been drinking again a couple of weeks ago (today is day 15 for me). You would have thought that WWIII had broken out worldwide, and I expected that and am sure they are sick of dealing with this.

OTOH, trying to have a "normal" conversation with my mother is close to impossible, if you look at her sideways, she either gets overly weepy and emotional or gets defensive, citing "I have a lot going on right now" yeah and what ELSE is new? It's like some mindgame to her. She'll "refuse to talk about it" then two seconds later is spillng yet another sob story. Her and my dad started jobs part-time to keep busy (both are retired) and just abruptly quit because the schedules weren't exactly the same, are you kidding me? Same schedules in retail, get realistic. (typical passive agressive and typical them).

But I cannot have a normal conversation (neither can my brother) with my mom. All we have heard our entire lives "ad nauseum" is "well I have bigger problems, my childhood sucked, blah blah blah".."how would YOU feel if XYZ."...it's like a ploy to make US feeling guilty that we didn't have suck childhoods. WTH? She keeps repeating over and over like a robot "the past is in the past, need to move forward." Then stop BITCHING about my past wrongs in your next breath, okay, and damn well MOVE forward. I live with it, don't guilt trip me, or per usual, lie when you say things. Example "I'm anemic". Really, that's a new one I never heard about. I know it's not true because first she tells me that her current doc. diagnosed that, THEN I'm told "I was diagnosed when I was pregnant with you." REALLY?! Doubt it even exists at all, honestly. Drama, drama, drama...and she instigates me to get angry like it's some game, and then gets all freaking overemotional if you try to defend yourself (respectfully of course, but damn lady, your HUSBAND and my father drink, and you allow and enable it!!!!) The two times I said this, she enabled her behavior but then will say in the next breath "I always said I would NEVER marry a man who drank", well then do you want a medal because you did for bravery? Which one is it? Why is it likely that this disease came from both sides of my parent's family yet it's more of a "sin" because I and (I highly suspect) my brother are both alcoholics? So is my father, always has been but refuses to "label" himself that way. Jeezus just two years ago, I had a bet going with him to limit the drinking to "only" three beers a night (yeah every night that was the problem). How sick is that?

Then, to make things worse (have also heard THIS crap my whole life), "I don't drink and I don't smoke, don't you think if anyone would drink, I WOULD?" ....well yay!! Good on you, stop making ME feel guilty because YOU had a **** childhood, I had NOTHING to do with that!!!!

I'm sorry I had to vent bigtime. And they wonder why I keep my distance?? Puleeze....I just had to get this out, I do NOT want to garner a resentment over it. Not worth it. No resentments this time around.

Symmetry

I haven't finished your post yet but OMG! I know about difficult mothers. I tried telling her that if 3/3 of her kids are messed up and don't like her that she might want to take some responsibility for her parenting...that's when she she decided I was too much for her to deal with and stopped talking to me. I've never been happier!

It is important to forgive and let go. Resentment is a poison for sure. Its been difficult but I'm working on it. Have you tried? Like been to counseling?

Newtosoberlivin

Symmetry, wow that is awful. I'm sorry to hear. These are things I try very hard to remember when I get frustrated with my 12 year old. Everything I say and do will affect her in some way.

yes I am seeing my years-long counselor twice per month in addition to working my program. I's helping I can say anything to her, scream, cry, let it all out in a safe and comfortable environment.

Anna

I would put much more distance between them and myself than you already have.

I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking, because I knew I was too vulnerable to deal with things like you are dealing with.

Newtosoberlivin

ty Anna....I didn't exactly tell them first, my daughter did (she was very worried about me and left them a message)...I followed that up with talking to them in person. And now I am sorry I did.

I do plan to keep my distance, my sobriety is number one priority and I cannot deal with this crap.