He just don't get it!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
He just don't get it!!!
My STBXAH has been living in the basement for almost four weeks. We haven't talked to each other. Just a couple times. When we have talked he talks in his angry voice and blames me and says we are over, etc.
I have seen a divorce lawyer and paid her and am going through with divorce. I haven't told him because I am nervous about telling him to leave. Not sure what he would do so waiting for court papers to have him leave.
He also texts me the same things. Where are you? Out with another man? blah, blah, blah texts. Then he texts me "are you mad at me?".
Doesn't he get it? I've said I'm done. Just didn't tell him the divorce part. He walks in the house and goes right down the basement. Then comes up and goes right outside. Twice a week he will go upstairs and take a shower. There is no bathroom in the basement so he pees down the drain in the floor (gross) I have to put bleach down there. He doesn't talk or say hi to kids. Maybe once in a while.
Why does he keep asking me "are you mad at me? What did I do wrong?". this part is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!
I think I would get it if it were the other way around. Where I was the alki and living in a disgusting basement. Must be his alcoholism. Nobody in their right mind would live like that.
Just had to get that off my chest.
I feel better now!
I have seen a divorce lawyer and paid her and am going through with divorce. I haven't told him because I am nervous about telling him to leave. Not sure what he would do so waiting for court papers to have him leave.
He also texts me the same things. Where are you? Out with another man? blah, blah, blah texts. Then he texts me "are you mad at me?".
Doesn't he get it? I've said I'm done. Just didn't tell him the divorce part. He walks in the house and goes right down the basement. Then comes up and goes right outside. Twice a week he will go upstairs and take a shower. There is no bathroom in the basement so he pees down the drain in the floor (gross) I have to put bleach down there. He doesn't talk or say hi to kids. Maybe once in a while.
Why does he keep asking me "are you mad at me? What did I do wrong?". this part is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!
I think I would get it if it were the other way around. Where I was the alki and living in a disgusting basement. Must be his alcoholism. Nobody in their right mind would live like that.
Just had to get that off my chest.
I feel better now!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
No he doesn't get it because he's busy pickling his brain with alcohol in order to escape reality. Alcoholics aren't known for dealing with the here and now. It's about intoxication.
Do you respond to his texts at all? That's got to be frustrating with him still in the house!
Do you respond to his texts at all? That's got to be frustrating with him still in the house!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
I usually do respond because he is living in the house still. I would not respond if he wasn't. I usually just text back yes, no, i dunno, maybe. That's about it.
And it is very frustrating but I don't let it get to me. (too much) Most of the time I just turn the volume down and check once in awhile.
Well I'm off to the beach for some me time. Skipping out of work early. Finally me time with no one to answer to.
And it is very frustrating but I don't let it get to me. (too much) Most of the time I just turn the volume down and check once in awhile.
Well I'm off to the beach for some me time. Skipping out of work early. Finally me time with no one to answer to.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Another day and another dozen or so texts. Yesterday I went up the beach. My ds and dd knew where I was going. Apparantly he is going camping this weekend so he needs the airmattress and pump. I asked him if he was taking kids and he said no. He is going to a "rock fest" so he can play drums with a band. Also there will be mushrooms and pot. WTF!
So he texted later on in the day and asked if I was cooking dinner. I said No. Then the texts started. "Where are you" "Hope you find a man where you are" "i thought you wanted to try and make this work but I guess not. Why you being so secrective" "have fun at the bar. F U" "Have a nice life". I did not respond to any of these texts. There were I think about 15. When I did finally reply, I said. "What's all this about? My battery died in my phone" lol
It's crazy! I just want him gone. This weekend I know will be peaceful because he will not be there. I cannot wait for the quietness.
I so want to respond nastily to him as he is to me but it's not worth it. It would just aggravate me. I'm not going to play into his paranoia and abuse.
He is holding on to something there that hasn't been in a long time. Just like I was but I had enough. It's not fair to any of us. I hope he lets go soon because I'm tired of these stupid texts. Can't block as he lives downstairs in basement right now and we have 2 children. I would rather have him text than hear his voice.
But just hurry up and get it!!!!!!!!!!
So he texted later on in the day and asked if I was cooking dinner. I said No. Then the texts started. "Where are you" "Hope you find a man where you are" "i thought you wanted to try and make this work but I guess not. Why you being so secrective" "have fun at the bar. F U" "Have a nice life". I did not respond to any of these texts. There were I think about 15. When I did finally reply, I said. "What's all this about? My battery died in my phone" lol
It's crazy! I just want him gone. This weekend I know will be peaceful because he will not be there. I cannot wait for the quietness.
I so want to respond nastily to him as he is to me but it's not worth it. It would just aggravate me. I'm not going to play into his paranoia and abuse.
He is holding on to something there that hasn't been in a long time. Just like I was but I had enough. It's not fair to any of us. I hope he lets go soon because I'm tired of these stupid texts. Can't block as he lives downstairs in basement right now and we have 2 children. I would rather have him text than hear his voice.
But just hurry up and get it!!!!!!!!!!
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
I understand why they don't get It. I have been working my own recovery and the pain and emotions I have dealt with can be overwhelming. For them to get it would mean opening themselves up to the same emotions and pain. Thanks to Al-Anon and SR I am in a much better place than I was but I sure as heck would not want to go through that again. At least as far as my experience goes there is no growth without pain and there are so many people who spend their lives avoiding pain. I know I did for a long time rather than admit that my wife was an A.
Your friend,
Your friend,
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by m1k3 
I know I did for a long time rather than admit that my wife was an A.
I held out all this misplaced hope for a miracle for him, and in the meantime, neglected me. I did so because I truly believed that getting him to stop drinking/change would bring me happiness. I really thought his drinking was The Problem.
I suspect the same is true on the other side of the street. I know my AH has a firmly rooted belief that his drinking is not The Problem, his wife is!
Denial is a powerful, cunning, and baffling survival mechanism.
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
He is going camping this weekend. He can't take the kids because there will be alot of mushrooms and pot. and of course drinking. I'm not in denial anymore about his drinking. He is going to do it no matter what.
He thinks his drinking is a minor problem. I'm the whole problem.
We haven't talked in like 4 weeks and he texts me he really wants me to go and have fun and because he hasn't had relations (I didn't want to put what he texted lol) in a long time.
He is delusional. I know I should tell him about divorce but I am afraid to. Afraid of what he will do. So, maybe before he gets served orders to vacate from court on the 22nd maybe I will get the courage up to tell him so that maybe he will leave the house. But I have a feeling he won't as his name is on the mortgage and deed.
I have to remember. 3 more weeks.
Other than him texting me, I'm doing good. I don't feel bad for him but like I said the texts just aggravate me. I keep volume down so I don't keep hearing it and just look a couple times a day.
I think today because I am exhausted I'm even more aggravated.
He thinks his drinking is a minor problem. I'm the whole problem.
We haven't talked in like 4 weeks and he texts me he really wants me to go and have fun and because he hasn't had relations (I didn't want to put what he texted lol) in a long time.
He is delusional. I know I should tell him about divorce but I am afraid to. Afraid of what he will do. So, maybe before he gets served orders to vacate from court on the 22nd maybe I will get the courage up to tell him so that maybe he will leave the house. But I have a feeling he won't as his name is on the mortgage and deed.
I have to remember. 3 more weeks.
Other than him texting me, I'm doing good. I don't feel bad for him but like I said the texts just aggravate me. I keep volume down so I don't keep hearing it and just look a couple times a day.
I think today because I am exhausted I'm even more aggravated.
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