caughthiminject

Okay, I know, life is not fair. But I don't drink or do drugs, so I actually have to feel my pain. I actually have to remember what I do and be responsible. So even though it's over with him, I have to feel the pain and grieve the loss of the relationship, while he can get ********* or high every night and not feel anything. How is this fair? I'm alone and lonely; he's got his beers and smokes and drugs and prostitutes to keep him company.

sweetteewalls

I feel your pain. You are living a genuine life! Be proud of that!

LifeRecovery

Gosh do I relate to this post.

I have learned with my own addiction though that the more I stuff it and try to put stuff on top of it, when it does come out it is even bigger and scarier. That does not make the stuff I feel in the moment easier, but it does help me to remember that when I "pickle" my own stuff it is only going to make it worse.

Keep doing the hard work, sometimes the only way to get over something is through it.

Freedom1990

I am so sorry for your pain! It isn't fair.

What I do know from my own personal experience as an addict is that life is miserable when actively using. There is no connecting with reality, no genuinely living life to the fullest, no real connection with others on this planet except other addicts, and that is only for selfish means.

I also know the only way to get past the pain is to walk through it, hon. I am sorry for the current situation you are stuck in.

veryregretful

I relate also as I self medicated so I don't feel the pain of what was going on with my STBXAH and me. All the pain and nervousness. When I decided to come off the self medication train all these feelings came to light and had to deal with them full on.

I think I am doing a better job dealing with it without my addiction to pills because I deal with it every day rather than hiding it.

It's very scary to find yourself alone and lonely. I am. But I would rather be alone and lonely than be with him where I am still alone and lonely. But now without his drama.
Yes, it's not fair that my STBXAH is still drinking, partying it up, going to strip clubs and not doing anything around the house and even going camping this weekend while I am taking care of the kids, house, food and school shopping, etc.

But then I think. Is he really having such a great time? Probably not. Maybe for the moment he is drinking but when he sobers up his feelings will come back and he will be depressed about things then he will drink again to hide his feelings and his cycle will continue.

For me, I have a brighter outlook on life now knowing that in my future I will be happier and my kids will be happier and I won't have to worry about him in my life. Ruining my day.

IMO, it is not fair, but I know that I'm getting healthier and I'm going to enjoy life while I know his life isn't really fun and he probably pays for his drinking and suck in a different way and he probably pays every day. Whether hung over or seeing that his kids won't even talk with him. He has lost it all.

duqld1717

In the end, its not between you and him anyway. The way we live our lives is between us and our Higher Power. Keep living your life the right way....in the end, you will be rewarded. I'm afraid to think about what happens in the next life to people that drink and drug with no remorse and hurt others. He may even suffer in this life as well with his health. People will always try to hurt you or bring you down, but its not about what they do or say to you, its about what you do for yourself to rise above it. Only you can define you.

TakingCharge999

I relate to the feeling.
I have read the AA forum here and went to some AA meetings.

I wish addiction to NO ONE.
Everyday I am grateful I am not an addict and no longer have to deal with any addict.

These last years I have changed a lot,
The EX is still who he is.

I wouldn't trade places for all the gold in the world.
Hugs.

Thumper

I'm sorry you are in such a rough place. It was a really hard time for me too.

I never envied alcoholism though. I'll feel every ounce and millisecond of pain before I'll trade places with an alcoholic for even a day. The price is way to high.

wanttobehealthy

I too can relate. Years ago I developed anorexia as a way to avoid feelings and to be in control of an out of control life. I sought help (after being forced into it) and since then I have made myself FEEL, even when I haven't wanted to bc the price I paid trying to avoid it was not worth it.

But... that being said, feeling it, living it, dealing head on with it while we see the person who is at the root of it not feeling any of it is a frustrating, angering, sad thing to observe.

Seeing my AH so nonchalant and uncaring and unphased when I was distraught about the state of things with us was one of the things that would send me off the deep end in the past. I wanted him to feel along with me how serious this was and to want to work with me to make things better. Didn't ever happen.

It still makes me angry and sad at times to think that he's happily oblivious about the pain he's created for his daughters and to a lesser degree, for me. He's never in his life dealt with feelings and as pessimisstic as this sounds, I doubt he will be one of the ones who recover. He can't take an iota of discomfort and goes running to alcohol, fast food, cigarettes or all 3 the instant he feels any. What motivation will he ever have to change? His way works for him and he's allowed that. But it sure as hell doesn't work for me.

I am sorry you're hurting. I am too and can relate...

wifeypoo

I have felt the same way regarding my AH. Jealous, not of his addictions but his ability to not deal with any of the "feelings" in his life. Although we on the other side have to deal with the pain, we also have the blessings to feel the joy and happiness the world has to offer.

My AH told me during his failed bout with recovery that he was looking at the digital frame on our mantle and saw the pictures of our last family vacation he was invited to (2 years ago). He had NO recollection of being there!!! We were there for 10 DAYS!!!! and he had no clue.

I guess I will take the pain and suffering, because I get to feel the joy of my children and my life lived!

m1k3

To put it in perspective. Would you rather be where you are or where he is.

I know in my case I'd much rather be where I am.

Your friend,