bayliss

Well...I was doing quite well...I was fifteen days sober and then relapsed and I can't seem to go back to trying another "first day"...today after leaving work I had extreme anxiety wondering if there was any wine left in the house because I NEEDED a drink...when I got home and saw there was wine I instantly felt relieved...
When I planned on drinking over the weekend I was just fine...no anxiety or anything...now I am beginning to feel lousy after a night of drinking...
I am trying to get as much wine into me before my boyfriend gets home. :/

I need to keep trying. I don't want this to kill me.

Does it get more difficult each time you try to stop again?

Anna

Yes, it most definitely does get harder.

It gets harder physically to recover and for me, the mental aspect of 'not drinking' became almost unsurmountable. Each time I failed, my fragile self-esteem took a hit.

I hope you get rid of the wine.

silly

It does get harder, definitely. The only thing that helped me was remembering that I'd done it before so it CAN be done. That was what pulled me up and out last time... the knowledge that it wasn't impossible for me and I'd proven that.

least

It does get worse with time. So stop now before it seems impossible. Stop now before something happens that you can't undo. Dump the wine. I was a wino too and that stuff will kill you. I hope you will stop now before it's too late.

I did the same stuff you're doing: stopping and starting and stopping and starting. After a while I got tired of making myself so sick and quit drinking for good. That was 21 months ago and I feel better than I have in a long time.

Stop now while you still can. Please.

Dee74

It got harder for me too - as Anna says both physically and mentally.

Maybe it's time to call in some outside support Bayliss?
You deserve better than you're allowing yourself right now.

D

Hevyn

Hi bayliss - yes, definitely for me too it got harder. My last binge - I almost didn't make it back out. That's when I found SR & began planning to stop. It took me awhile, but reading other's stories - I was convinced I had to completely stop drinking and stay stopped.

We put our bodies through so much with all the ups & downs of our drinking. My heart raced & blood pressure spiked when I drank - plus heavy drinking robs us of vitamins & threatens our health in many ways. The mood swings & personality changes are a threat to our well being too. It's time to stop playing with it. I know you can stop and stay stopped.

FNW

For me it got harder to stop each time. Then I crossed some line where I really could not stop, it was no longer my choice. So I went to AA and found the support I needed.

LaFemme

Hi bayliss,

It got harder for me eachtime I tried to quit. There is actually a theory someone mentioned to me, I think it's called quickening, which explains the pattern.

Sending you my positive thoughts and prayers.

T

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Bayliss. Sorry you're struggling. Your post reminds of the insane logic that drove me—I felt I needed a drink to enjoy life, yet in reality, drinking only made me feel worse.

And worse.

And yes, even worse.

It not only gets harder — it gets sadder, scarier, lonelier, and more dangerous all the time.

Biza

Wine is my poison too. I simply cannot have it in my house. I too experience the huge anxiety being without wine. I am probably right where you were, ~15 days. I have been struggling with it. For me it is just one day at a time.

Dont beat yourself up too much. Just dust yourself off and try again. Dont give up. I have to believe that life is better with no alcohol.

LaFemme

Wine was also my poison. If you are struggling get whatever help works for you.

bennybored

Wine is my struggle as well - and yes I feel it is harder each time I quit. I had 12 days and then convinced myself I could have a glass which turned into numerous nights last week drinking. Today is day 2 for me and I am already struggling with anxiety but this time I am not giving myself a timeline, like last time it was one month, this time I am just telling myself I will never drink alcohol again... forever, or at least for 79 more years or so

eJoshua

It may get more difficult, but don't let that be a hindrance to you. Every time you quit you follow the same step: stop putting alcohol in your mouth and swallowing.

I had to "practice" a lot before I finally quit for good.

You say that you need to drink sometimes, so if you cut drinking out of your life what are you going to do when you "need" it? You have to make a plan and possibly seek out some more support.

Keep trying though, one of these times it's going to work if you keep at it.

sugarbear1

The disease progresses and gets more difficult whether we're drinking or not. Cunning, baffling, and powerful! Alcoholism grows continuously.

You can stay stopped!

bayliss

Thanks everyone for your responses...I am going to try my Day 1 again today...needless to say I did drink last night and my boyfriend was very disappointed in me; once again.
I need to really put more of an effort in...how many more chances will I get??
I am healthy and have a wonderful boyfriend and family and I have a job....I need to focus on making things better for my future...not destroying it with alcohol.

Fandy

and you have given yourself the very best reasons for quitting right in your last posting. one of these stop/start/binge sessions is going to make your REALLY REALLY SICK...(at least that was how it worked for me)..why lose a beautiful day of your life????

and I'm saying this for both of us...don't disappoint yourself.

cleareyes

I am right there with you Bayliss. I too have been starting Day one over and over and over again. I messed up really badly on Saturday and I remember my husband saying "A lot of good those meetings are doing"

I'm on Day 1 as well.

NYCDoglvr

I went to AA because I couldn't get sober on my own. I needed the support of people I could call instead of picking up a bottle, what to do when there's a party, etc. I didn't want to go but it saved my life (turns out I had the "gift of desperation", lol.

bayliss

Cleareyes - I'm very sorry to hear what your husband said on Saturday. That must have been quite the blow and he should have been more cautious with his words because they definitely can cut deep.
You just have to keep on going and know that you're not alone and a lot of people know exactly how you feel, have been where you are or are where you've been...I know we are in the same boat together on this...
My boyfriend was quite disappointed in me last night and didn't talk to me at all. His Mom was more encouraging and on my side...understanding that this is a disease...something that we can't just "stop".
I am here if you ever would like to talk - just PM me. Big hugs!!