asanch68

I am entering my 10th week of sobriety and have had some ups and downs...I"m sure that I am not the first nor will be the last. Completing my 9th step amends has been rewarding and I am working to not delay on reaching all those I have listed. This and completing my 5th step have awarded me the serenity I sorely lacked in my alcoholic life. However, mixed in with the good come some bad that I am struggling to overcome. I still get panicky about my last blackout that was my bottom and the catalyst to finally get to AA and work the steps. Although I deep down know I have no hard eveidence to support that I did anything horrible, I still struggle with the fact that I can't recall all of the events. I guess I am still holding on to some control although I pray to have my higher power give me the strength to do his will. I honestly intend and pray for my HP to remove my defects of character and remove my difficulties but those sinking feeling still persist. Will this go on forever?

sugarbear1

Awessome on completing your amends! I guess you've healed your entire past in 70 days! Congratulations!! You should be experiencing all that's been promised! I feel your anxiety over your blackouts. It will all be fine now! What did your sponsor suggest?

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community....

Thanks for shareing your progress with us...all my best as you continue to move foreward ...
Perhaps doing another 5th Step would be beneficial.

I do find prayer helps me with emotional balance.

Tommyh

I doubt it will last forever if you keep working the steps.You are thru them for the first time and there still is a lot to do as time passes.More will be revealed in time according to yourr "stick to it ness' with AA and the steps.I`m glad I couldn`t remember everytniug I did at once,I might pull my hair out or someone elses.

Phmdyw

My 4th step took me 18 months to write and was extremely thorough. My sponsor really knew the program of recovery. I saw many harms I committed, but I also felt better as I went along because I saw the solution and I was changing by the month. I didn't worry about any future steps because I wasn't there yet. Step 9 Amends are there for us to do when we have the desire from our heart, not to get relief from guilt. When we're ready from our hearts we'll do each amends. As for memory loss, I can't remember huge chunks of my life or what it was like to be me back then, but when I wrote with God stuff came up that amazed me. Everything else will either come back later or I don't need.