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I have had enough

Old 08-29-2011, 04:26 PM
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I have had enough

I have to vent. I am sorry if I offend anyone but quite honestly, I need to get this off my chest. I have read so much of how one recovery or another recovery is the best that quite frankly it is making me sick. Some are constantly quoting page numbers in the big book, some are constantly spouting how it theirs way of recovery is the most logical, constantly pasting links. You know who you are. I know you all mean well but its too much some times. And then the arguments and hurt feelings about it. Quiet honestly, I am turned off by both now because of how much it has been crammed down my throat. Lighten up please.
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Old 08-29-2011, 04:43 PM
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I'm sorry this issue keeps coming up.

People have a right to their opinions & I'd hope SR reflects that - I'd ask everyone though to respect the fact the other people have opinions and beliefs too.

Again...I recommend the ignore function.

Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.
D
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Old 08-29-2011, 05:48 PM
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Ipnangel,

It's good to vent. I may be one of those that is annoying you. If I am, let me explain, I am isolated, in a foreign country unable to get to meetings easily. I stumbled upon this website and one that I recommend often.

I feel strongly if I don't post the link I am neglecting my duty as an alcoholic, by not sharing my experience, what is helping me. Often I have gone to meetings, talked to someone, read something that was just what I needed at that time. I get a daily dose of positive reeninforcing, great advice on this forum I get to hear others experience and learn from them

This is what recovery is all about for me.

The first month of my sobrietry a friend of a friend in AA would e-mail via my friend, forward on the e-mail, then we decided to e-mail directly, I too felt that she was pushing stuff down my throat, I would die a horrible death, that I must do the steps now and so on. The woman had the best of intentions but I was a little fur ball of resentment, any attempt at lighthearted correspondence was rebuffed as unimportant, it was important to me.
Anyway I thanked her for her time. My friend had not received an e-mail for a few weeks and called me, concerned that I had fallen off the wagon as the AA friend had predicted. I hadn't. I could have. I could still.
About a month ago I completed a 360 kms bike trip in 4 days, according to her it was because I am an alcoholic and that alcoholics are obsessive. To me it was part of being sober, instead of talking about stuff I would like to do actually doing them.

Back to the point I too don't like to be preached at or pre-empted but the longer I am sober and strong in that sobriety, which means working a program that works for me, I am less bothered.
I think I have taken over your vent and made it mine. Seriously, thanks for that I needed to get that off my chest.
all the best
CaiHong
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Old 08-29-2011, 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted by CaiHong View Post
Ipnangel,

It's good to vent. I may be one of those that is annoying you. If I am, let me explain, I am isolated, in a foreign country unable to get to meetings easily. I stumbled upon this website and one that I recommend often.

I feel strongly if I don't post the link I am neglecting my duty as an alcoholic, by not sharing my experience, what is helping me. Often I have gone to meetings, talked to someone, read something that was just what I needed at that time. I get a daily dose of positive reeninforcing, great advice on this forum I get to hear others experience and learn from them

This is what recovery is all about for me.

The first month of my sobrietry a friend of a friend in AA would e-mail via my friend, forward on the e-mail, then we decided to e-mail directly, I too felt that she was pushing stuff down my throat, I would die a horrible death, that I must do the steps now and so on. The woman had the best of intentions but I was a little fur ball of resentment, any attempt at lighthearted correspondence was rebuffed as unimportant, it was important to me.
Anyway I thanked her for her time. My friend had not received an e-mail for a few weeks and called me, concerned that I had fallen off the wagon as the AA friend had predicted. I hadn't. I could have. I could still.
About a month ago I completed a 360 kms bike trip in 4 days, according to her it was because I am an alcoholic and that alcoholics are obsessive. To me it was part of being sober, instead of talking about stuff I would like to do actually doing them.

Back to the point I too don't like to be preached at or pre-empted but the longer I am sober and strong in that sobriety, which means working a program that works for me, I am less bothered.
I think I have taken over your vent and made it mine. Seriously, thanks for that I needed to get that off my chest.
all the best
CaiHong
Thank you for your response. I so appreciate a kind word and advice. Its when people get on their soapbox and debate each other that bothers me. Frequently when someone asks for help and it no longer becomes about the OP.
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Old 08-29-2011, 06:14 PM
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Ipnangel, that's one of the reasons I don't come in that much anymore, frankly. I'm just not equipped to handle the disagreements over AA vs non-AA approaches to quitting, for example, without getting too frustrated. There's a part of me that enjoys the argumentation (the drama, I guess - shocker). But it's not good to get wrapped up in it. I didn't quit drinking so that I could bicker with people on the correct approach to quitting every day. And when I started thinking about it, I also didn't quit drinking so that I could merely talk about it every day necessarily either (so why was I continuing to come into the site to do that?). So I just check in once in a while. For other people, if they can find a way to deal with the debates that ensue without becoming negative as a result (and without causing negativity for other people), then that's great for them. But everybody has got to do what is going to keep things on a good note.
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Old 08-29-2011, 06:24 PM
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The best recovery plan and the only one you should follow is the one that works for you.
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:26 PM
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I didn't go to AA until I was desperate. I almost died because of alcohol and saw clearly that I couldn't stop drinking. What I also learned is that I'm not capable of getting -- or staying -- sober.

Good luck to you!
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:40 PM
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Agreed, I respect whatever works for anyone readjusting to sober life.

I have used the ignore button on only one person on here who is just adamant and a bit over self-righteous on certain things, the posts/replies come off as very negative and all knowing and I didn't even want to read them anymore. It was putting me in my anger/negative mode/resentment mode and I don't want to go back there. So out of sight, out of mind.

Overall I find this site and all of you wonderful people to be kind, compassionate and understanding. Yet, because I am fairly new, I tend to post a lot, if only to try to give some support to someone else or because being this active in my recovery is new to me.

This site and community really helps in between working my chosen program and I like being part of it. That being said, I try not to proclaim MY way to be THE way. It's all what works for each person.
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Old 08-30-2011, 03:34 AM
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Isn't being alcohol free the main issue here? Regardless of the; why, how, where or way? I too am tired of the snide "my way or the highway" remarks, it is not necessary. On the one hand people say, do what works for you, but in the same post insist that you do it their way, even giving extended instructions on how to achieve what they have achieved. It is particularly disheartening when you go to a thread and find that some of these people have relapsed. What does that say about "their way?" I realize relapse is part of recovery, but please, don't push your beliefs until you have some time under your belt !!!
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Old 08-30-2011, 03:46 AM
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Originally Posted by lpnangel View Post
I have to vent. I am sorry if I offend anyone but quite honestly, I need to get this off my chest. I have read so much of how one recovery or another recovery is the best that quite frankly it is making me sick. Some are constantly quoting page numbers in the big book, some are constantly spouting how it theirs way of recovery is the most logical, constantly pasting links. You know who you are. I know you all mean well but its too much some times. And then the arguments and hurt feelings about it. Quiet honestly, I am turned off by both now because of how much it has been crammed down my throat. Lighten up please.
Thinking about it is draining lpn.

Just don't drink or use. That's the message that unites us all.
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Old 08-30-2011, 04:23 AM
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People are people, it helps to make some allowances for them if you can.
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:13 AM
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lpnangel, I don't know that I've responded to any of your threads, but if I did, I would tell you what worked for me (AA). I might also tell you of things I tried that didn't work for me (therapy, medication, self-help books, religion, changes in geography, jobs, and relationships). When I was in my first couple of years of sobriety, I was so amazed that AA was keeping me sober while all the other things I tried didn't, I concluded that AA was the best path to sobriety -- instead of concluding that AA was the best path to sobriety for me. Since then, I've met a few folks who've gotten sober and found some serenity by other means, so I've had an opportunity to grow and expand my open-mindedness. When you hear from someone who believes his or her path is the only one, you may be dealing with someone who hasn't had that growth experience yet. I'd suggest practicing tolerance -- or, as has been suggested, putting them on ignore.

But I do hope that you won't block every reference to things you're not (yet?) willing to try. It's information you can file away, and if what you're doing isn't enough, you'll at least have something else to try.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:29 AM
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The subject keeps coming up because every day there are new people joining the site. Everyone has the same questions and we all have the same issues.

"History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new." Eccl 1:9
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:55 AM
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I understand your frustration IP .... just take that kind of response with a grain of salt. I think Sugah hit the nail on the head.

For me to say that my way is the best way is just my ego getting in the way. It happens to the best of us.

Take your own path, keep working on you, and you will be just fine no matter what path you take.

All the best to you!
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Old 08-30-2011, 06:04 AM
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I have the same aggrivation with buddhism.

It all comes down to a few easy to learn, difficult to master guidelines,

What to do with it is still our own choice luckely, so I choose to ignore the theoretical debates and WORK on real progress.
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Old 08-30-2011, 07:53 AM
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Not to derail....but I think that the ignore button is not a good idea. I haven't had one in a while, but after a really bad day.... I could come back to SR the next day and I would have my own private recovery site.Deep breaths in. Deep breaths out. Click off the thread that is annoying you. Let it go. Been there done that.
We are all heading the same direction down separate paths.
Peace, Love and Happiness
Dave
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Old 08-30-2011, 02:52 PM
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You can undo the ignore function as any time, Dave

I think it's a good tool for those times when, for whatever reason, you can't get up and walk away.

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Old 08-30-2011, 06:15 PM
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I am not going to use the ignore button. If I don't feel like reading someones posts, I just don't.
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Old 08-30-2011, 07:17 PM
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Relapse is not part of recovery, it's untreated alcoholism.
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Old 08-30-2011, 07:42 PM
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I remember arguing with a professor, a medical doctor, head of an addiction recovery training school of a very prestigious Southern university, about whether addiction was a disease.

I complained that if I admitted it was a disease, where was my culpability in my behavior?

He smiled down at me and shook his head.

It took me anther decade to appreciate what he said next:

"You're doing what we call 'mental masturbation,' and it ain't going to get you sober.

I've been sober for 11 months. I admitted I had a disease in September of last year.

I've taken issue with a post here once and wrote a reply, only to see my post "quoted" and rebutted a half dozen times. I had to laugh.

I recognized it for what it was.

My way is the only way for me only, and that way is AA and NA. I only share my experiences and support and genuine concern for those posting here. It keeps me sober and it soothes the overriding need I now have to try help someone who is as sick as me, or who may be headed down the abyss I found myself.

Peace to all.
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