painterman

I'm quite new to this, and I want to share a little of my story. My partner has been binge drinking on and off in a destructive manner for nearly 20 years-it took me a while to realise. It's not every day, and nothing obvious triggers it.
If I go away for a few days I can be sure she will be off it when I return, tearful, angry or just staring blankly at the TV.
I have spent years shielding our children from the worst excesses, but they are now both near twenty and very mature about it. I'm self employed and until very recently my partner worked in our shop. There have been times when she was drunk in the shop, looked terrible and god knows what customers thought.
It happened again a few weeks ago and I have sacked her-this time for good.
It will be harder financially and for my workload.
She was trying to punch and scratch me in a drunken rage when I told her, and since then an awful,uneasy silent stand off between us. She staggered out to buy another bottle of wine, which was hidden behind bins in an alley..when this sort of thing kicks off I'm just longing for the peace when she falls asleep.

JMFburns

painterman,

Welcome to SR. I am sorry for the situation that has brought you here. Please know that there is alot of wisdom and strength posting on these boards. Keep reading.

Are there any AlAnon meetings in your area? Face to face support is very helpful and helps to take the focus off the other persons addiction and puts on you working to live a full and happy life.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR......you've found a forum that is always open with lots of collective wisdom from people who understand the stress and anxiety of living with alcoholism and addiction.

Feel free to post your thoughts, your rants, your questions, etc. Someone will always be along shortly to respond.....or at least that has been my experience.

Addiction and alcoholism is a family disease. It affects everyone who comes in close contact with the person afflicted. There are wonderful support groups for us. Alanon, Naranon, Alateen are some that come to mind. There is a craziness that happens as we try to protect ourselves and our children from the behaviors that accompany addiction/alcoholism. These support groups have helped me recognize these and begin to take care of myself appropriately.

gentle hugs
ke

artist83

Painterman,

Welcome to the forum, glad you found us. This is definitely the place for you to be, and hopefully you will also be able to find some peace from the support of the people here. I agree with Kindeyes - Al-Anon & Nar-Anon are very wonderful support groups for those of us who have been affected by someone else's alcoholism or drug addiction. If you are up to it, try to find a meeting in your area and just give it a try. I always feel at peace when I leave a meeting, and peace is exactly what you need right now.

If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask.

Sending hugs and strength your way,

painterman

Thanks everyone, there is a meeting about 30 miles away which won't sound at all far for those of you in the US! Just got home from work lunchtime to find her drunk-I wonder where the money comes from-one day it has to dry up.
Lovely to have your words of support.

tjp613

Hi Painterman -- so glad you found us. I can't tell you how much the wonderful people here have taught me in the time since I've been around. My son's drug addiction is what brought me here -- wonderful life lessons, friendship and undying support have kept me coming back.

I am a much healthier person for having been here and I'm learning that the only way I can help my son is to get out of God's way. I no longer live under the illusion that I can control his life in any helpful way.

Haha -- and I live in Texas so yeah, 30 miles is nothing! LOL

nerdygirl

Welcome painterman. Sounds like you are nearing your "bottom". You're a fellow codependent. YAY! Always fun to be part of a group, right? We're here for you whenever you need us.

painterman

many thanks nerdygirl, I hit the bottom a couple of weeks ago! Something has changed, maybe it was my partner squashing her sandwich into my face then trying to punch me.
I went to my first meeting last night, no looking back.
Yes it is so nice to hear from people, because we all know that living with an addict is a lonely experience.

nerdygirl

It is very lonely and you don't know who to talk to. Who will understand? Who will judge you? It's embarrassing and frustrating and all you want to do is isolate yourself. Meetings really work for a large number of people. A lot of people need the face to face companionship and comraderie. I'm so sorry you've suffered abuse at the hands of your addict. But, today is a new day. You can choose to have a better, stress-free life. Sounds so easy but also very difficult to put into action. Good luck!