The rut just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southeast Texas
Posts: 6
The rut just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
Hello everyone,
My name is Stephanie, I've 26 years old and a terrible creature of habit. Reading the majority of the stories here on Sober Recovery my addiction story may seem like a walk in the park to some.
A little background about myself leading to present day Stephanie.
My dad was an alcoholic, well he and everyone else in my family. He drank on average 30 beers a day for nearly 20 years. I knew his faults but in my eyes he still walked on water. January 2009 my dad passed away very suddenly from cirrohsis of the liver and kidney failure due to his drinking, not to mention end stage COPD due to his 3-pack a day other habit. I was shocked, devistated and on the verge of nearly "falling off the deep end". I had never been much of a drinker prior to a year and a half ago. I started socially drinking at 23 and stopped at 24. Quitting the first time was a piece of cake, no withdrawal, actually no big deal. After my dad's death I began to experience severe anxiety, this on top of my OCD was a train wreck. I bounced from hospital to hospital, lost my job, my fiance dumped me, my cat died - it was like a country music song.
May 2010 I started drinking again. This time more heavy and frequently. My drinking has become a very patternized thing. I drink the same days(Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays), the same time span, the same amount (1 bottle of wine, approximately 4 wine glasses), from the same glass, in the same area of my house. This time quitting seems much harder. Very similar to all of the times I've attempted to quit smoking. I've spoken to my doctor who seems to think I would do fine just tapering down on the alcohol but after watching my dad in the hospital with severe DT's - having serizures and evidentually having to be places in a medical induced coma, I am extremely afraid to stop.
It is currently Sunday - one of my designated drinking days for the past year and a half. I hadn't had a drink all day. I was determined to break this silly habit and I even promised myself that I would drink on Monday (my non-designated drinking day). Needless to say, I failed. It's currently 11:16pm - I managed to go all day and I gave it. I'm a wreck but very greatful that at least one person is willing to read this.
My name is Stephanie, I've 26 years old and a terrible creature of habit. Reading the majority of the stories here on Sober Recovery my addiction story may seem like a walk in the park to some.
A little background about myself leading to present day Stephanie.
My dad was an alcoholic, well he and everyone else in my family. He drank on average 30 beers a day for nearly 20 years. I knew his faults but in my eyes he still walked on water. January 2009 my dad passed away very suddenly from cirrohsis of the liver and kidney failure due to his drinking, not to mention end stage COPD due to his 3-pack a day other habit. I was shocked, devistated and on the verge of nearly "falling off the deep end". I had never been much of a drinker prior to a year and a half ago. I started socially drinking at 23 and stopped at 24. Quitting the first time was a piece of cake, no withdrawal, actually no big deal. After my dad's death I began to experience severe anxiety, this on top of my OCD was a train wreck. I bounced from hospital to hospital, lost my job, my fiance dumped me, my cat died - it was like a country music song.
May 2010 I started drinking again. This time more heavy and frequently. My drinking has become a very patternized thing. I drink the same days(Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays), the same time span, the same amount (1 bottle of wine, approximately 4 wine glasses), from the same glass, in the same area of my house. This time quitting seems much harder. Very similar to all of the times I've attempted to quit smoking. I've spoken to my doctor who seems to think I would do fine just tapering down on the alcohol but after watching my dad in the hospital with severe DT's - having serizures and evidentually having to be places in a medical induced coma, I am extremely afraid to stop.
It is currently Sunday - one of my designated drinking days for the past year and a half. I hadn't had a drink all day. I was determined to break this silly habit and I even promised myself that I would drink on Monday (my non-designated drinking day). Needless to say, I failed. It's currently 11:16pm - I managed to go all day and I gave it. I'm a wreck but very greatful that at least one person is willing to read this.
Hi SouthernSteph
believe me, noone's story is ever a walk in the park - we all understand
I would recommend you find a Dr who knows something about alcohol and withdrawal, or at least get a second opinion on the advice you've gotten simply to taper...
Congratulations on your day one tho.
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here Steph - welcome to SR
D
believe me, noone's story is ever a walk in the park - we all understand
I would recommend you find a Dr who knows something about alcohol and withdrawal, or at least get a second opinion on the advice you've gotten simply to taper...
Congratulations on your day one tho.
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here Steph - welcome to SR
D
Hi Steph -
I'm glad you found SR, too.
I hope you choose to cut out alcohol from your life at this point, because like you, I am also the daughter to two alcoholics who I loved dearly. I trekked down my own path to alcoholism with my eyes wide open, and lost my little brother to liver cancer as a result of cirrhosis when he was 35. I was 37 at the time.
IMO, there is no better time to quit than the present, because we have seen, with our own eyes, what alcohol can do.
Alcohol - to me - is the gift that just keeps giving pain and misery. It is so much better standing on this side of sobriety. I hope you choose sobriety.
All my best...
I'm glad you found SR, too.
I hope you choose to cut out alcohol from your life at this point, because like you, I am also the daughter to two alcoholics who I loved dearly. I trekked down my own path to alcoholism with my eyes wide open, and lost my little brother to liver cancer as a result of cirrhosis when he was 35. I was 37 at the time.
IMO, there is no better time to quit than the present, because we have seen, with our own eyes, what alcohol can do.
Alcohol - to me - is the gift that just keeps giving pain and misery. It is so much better standing on this side of sobriety. I hope you choose sobriety.
All my best...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Hello Stephanie,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really feel for you, it sounds like you had a very rough few years to say the least. Studies show that there are many "Genetic" traits to addiction passed on to us. Obviously you know the dangers very well and it certainly sounds like you wish to not go down the path you are currently on.
For me it really took surrendering to the universe and finding help.
I am so glad you are under a doctors care since it is very important to have proper medical advice. The one thing I can advise you though that helped me is to find a Doctor or a second opinion from a Doctor who specializes in Addiction Medicine. There are obviously many factors at play and sometimes it takes a Doctor with a speciality in addiction to be able to offer us the help we need.
I am not sure if you have ever tried or been to Alcoholics Anonymous, but the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has saved my life and helped me turn things around. I was not sure it was for me at first but after trying a few different meetings, I found people who were going through or had been through what I was going through. It really is incredible. I really would suggest that finding perhaps a good Women's meeting might be really helpful for you right now. There are in person meetings, phone meetings and on-line meetings. It is pretty amazing.
Here is a link for a list of meetings, you can type in your zip code to find the nearest one. I just came back from a meeting right now and I cannot tell you how much it has helped me to be free from Alcohol and other substances.
Sorry for preaching but your story made me really wanted to share my experience. I hope that things get better for you soon.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really feel for you, it sounds like you had a very rough few years to say the least. Studies show that there are many "Genetic" traits to addiction passed on to us. Obviously you know the dangers very well and it certainly sounds like you wish to not go down the path you are currently on.
For me it really took surrendering to the universe and finding help.
I am so glad you are under a doctors care since it is very important to have proper medical advice. The one thing I can advise you though that helped me is to find a Doctor or a second opinion from a Doctor who specializes in Addiction Medicine. There are obviously many factors at play and sometimes it takes a Doctor with a speciality in addiction to be able to offer us the help we need.
I am not sure if you have ever tried or been to Alcoholics Anonymous, but the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has saved my life and helped me turn things around. I was not sure it was for me at first but after trying a few different meetings, I found people who were going through or had been through what I was going through. It really is incredible. I really would suggest that finding perhaps a good Women's meeting might be really helpful for you right now. There are in person meetings, phone meetings and on-line meetings. It is pretty amazing.
Here is a link for a list of meetings, you can type in your zip code to find the nearest one. I just came back from a meeting right now and I cannot tell you how much it has helped me to be free from Alcohol and other substances.
Sorry for preaching but your story made me really wanted to share my experience. I hope that things get better for you soon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Wellwisher is correct. It will never be any easier to quit than today. As you are learning, it only gets more difficult the longer it goes on. If you are really concerned about detox, you can still request that your doctor put you on a tapered withdrawal. The procedure is fairly standardized, and is routinely done on an outpatient basis in many countries.
Hi Stephanie -
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am sorry to hear of your dad's passing.
I would strongly recommend that you get a second opinion from a different doctor. I would also consider talking with a psychiatrist as well, since it sounds like your drinking has been complicated by your OCD. You may even consider a rehab program that specializes in dual diagnoses (addiction and mental illness), as I know I've read on here that there are such facilities.
Best wishes in your efforts to achieve sobriety. I'm glad you joined SR, we will always be here to support you.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am sorry to hear of your dad's passing.
I would strongly recommend that you get a second opinion from a different doctor. I would also consider talking with a psychiatrist as well, since it sounds like your drinking has been complicated by your OCD. You may even consider a rehab program that specializes in dual diagnoses (addiction and mental illness), as I know I've read on here that there are such facilities.
Best wishes in your efforts to achieve sobriety. I'm glad you joined SR, we will always be here to support you.
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