Praying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 119
Praying
the things coming out of my mouth tonight are not me
i am desperate for relief... for the drink
i begged my husband to just go buy some alcohol
i told him that drinking was more important then him and my children
i was hitting him and pounding on his chest begging him to give in to me
husband is crying and telling me i am killing myself and he can't do this anymore
he asked me what i want and i had to tell him that right now i want to drink
i have been sober 6 days for him and my kids but how do i do this for me
i am praying i can find me in this equation and find it soon
i know i love my husband but i would rather drink instead of make him happy
i am desperate for relief... for the drink
i begged my husband to just go buy some alcohol
i told him that drinking was more important then him and my children
i was hitting him and pounding on his chest begging him to give in to me
husband is crying and telling me i am killing myself and he can't do this anymore
he asked me what i want and i had to tell him that right now i want to drink
i have been sober 6 days for him and my kids but how do i do this for me
i am praying i can find me in this equation and find it soon
i know i love my husband but i would rather drink instead of make him happy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I know how dreadful it is to feel that way lost4now.
I know that you have anxiety and that things like AA are difficult, as I expect counselling and rehab would be...
but trust me - anythings better than going down the rod where your only option, your only recourse, is drinking...
please don't give up on trying something, even if it's just talking to your Dr.
D
I know that you have anxiety and that things like AA are difficult, as I expect counselling and rehab would be...
but trust me - anythings better than going down the rod where your only option, your only recourse, is drinking...
please don't give up on trying something, even if it's just talking to your Dr.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 119
im trying Dee, Im trying
I am hanging on so tight tonight i don't wanna let go
i don't wanna let go of 6 days but i dont wanna be sober either
i feel like i am grasping at anything to keep me sane and sober
why can't i wanna do this?
why is drinking so important to me?
i have beautiful children and a husband
why can't i put that first
the pain in my head is killing me i need to sleep but sleep will not find me
i am being punished for for my failures and my mistakes
I am hanging on so tight tonight i don't wanna let go
i don't wanna let go of 6 days but i dont wanna be sober either
i feel like i am grasping at anything to keep me sane and sober
why can't i wanna do this?
why is drinking so important to me?
i have beautiful children and a husband
why can't i put that first
the pain in my head is killing me i need to sleep but sleep will not find me
i am being punished for for my failures and my mistakes
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Addiction is not logical - especially when we're in it.
I was more than a little insane in the last days of my drinking - not axe wielding insane, but ravenous for more and more booze - nothing else mattered to me - nothing.
That why it was important for me to break the cycle - to do whatever I needed to to get some sober days, get my head together and decide with a clearer head what I needed to do next
Get some support - whatever it is
SR was a vital support to me then Lost4now - I know it can be for you too... stick with us, ok?
D
I was more than a little insane in the last days of my drinking - not axe wielding insane, but ravenous for more and more booze - nothing else mattered to me - nothing.
That why it was important for me to break the cycle - to do whatever I needed to to get some sober days, get my head together and decide with a clearer head what I needed to do next
Get some support - whatever it is
SR was a vital support to me then Lost4now - I know it can be for you too... stick with us, ok?
D
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hi lost4now --
You have to tell yourself that you're crazy right now.
What I mean is, you have to reason with yourself that any thinking you are doing right now, and any cravings or desires that come up, are absolutely insane. How else can you explain that you feel as if you love drinking more than your kids or your husband. How else would you justify wanting to keep drinking despite the consequences you've already experienced? You can't. It's crazy talk.
Having said that, would it make any sense to act on your thoughts, knowing that you are out of your mind? Of course not!
It's easier said than done, but this line of thinking is what I had to keep telling myself to keep myself clean at first. After that, get to a meeting and get some support. Stay on SR and read. Do whatever you can to get support because crazy people need other crazy people around them.
I don't know if my post made any sense... I hope you feel better. It does get better if you give it time.
You have to tell yourself that you're crazy right now.
What I mean is, you have to reason with yourself that any thinking you are doing right now, and any cravings or desires that come up, are absolutely insane. How else can you explain that you feel as if you love drinking more than your kids or your husband. How else would you justify wanting to keep drinking despite the consequences you've already experienced? You can't. It's crazy talk.
Having said that, would it make any sense to act on your thoughts, knowing that you are out of your mind? Of course not!
It's easier said than done, but this line of thinking is what I had to keep telling myself to keep myself clean at first. After that, get to a meeting and get some support. Stay on SR and read. Do whatever you can to get support because crazy people need other crazy people around them.
I don't know if my post made any sense... I hope you feel better. It does get better if you give it time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Please get some medical help. I do not know how long you were drinking before you just stopped. It should be managed by a specialist. If your head is killing perhaps your Husband or a friend can drive you to a "Urgent Care" Or ER. Do you have a Doctor you can call at this hour? It is important that they be involved in you detoxing from Alcohol.gh
Also I think it would really help you right now if you talked to someone as well.
Call this number, it is a 24hour hotline number for AA, there is someone who will answer who understands exactly what you are going through. It is toll free. Phone 877 522-0446
Also I think it would really help you right now if you talked to someone as well.
Call this number, it is a 24hour hotline number for AA, there is someone who will answer who understands exactly what you are going through. It is toll free. Phone 877 522-0446
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
Don't take the first drink because that starts the physical craving...what you are experiencing now is the mental obession (craving) of alcoholism. In AA they say to think the drink thru if you have a craving i.e. the consequences of drinking. Praying you are doing better this morning.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 160
Lost - six days is awesome. Fight it out, OK? Things will seem more "normal", but it takes time - one day at a time. Your mind and body are screaming for what they've been used to for years .. they don't like change. It will take some time for sobriety to be your "new normal", but it will build up to being just that - normal.
It is a *MUST* (in my humble opinion and from experience) to change your routine from how it was when you "hung out" with alcohol day in and day out. An absolute must - but not drastic change. Little by little by little .. tiny changes are important too, and they tend to be easier to do and to stick with.
So how about changing things up a bit, every day .. have a cup of coffee, look up a new recipe for a meal and go get the ingredients, mow the lawn, a daily walk, clean the bathroom, make a project (craft, household, etc.) .... I do think it's really, really important to get out of the house ... besides a walk or shopping, how about taking in a movie with the kids, go out for lunch with your hubby, check out a museum, see what other type shows might be in town, and the list goes on.
Make some plans .... Write down some stuff that you can do now (indoors and out) .. and stuff that you will look forward to doing tomorrow, or this weekend, or next week, or next month.
Me, I was a lonely, alone (yet married with kids), round-the-clock drinker - 1 to 1.5 quarts (fifths) of vodka per 24-hour period. Those changes in routine were (and are) really important to my sobriety and new lifestyle. One thing I'm still working on is joining groups, such as a bowling league, or crafting group. I'm pretty shy, but getting better every day.
Anyway .. I didn't mean to go on and on .... Hang in there, OK? ... What you're feeling now is not abnormal at all. As others have mentioned, talking to a doctor / therapist about it is definitely something to consider. You're working on you - check into all the resourses that may help you.
And keep checking in here .. K?
It is a *MUST* (in my humble opinion and from experience) to change your routine from how it was when you "hung out" with alcohol day in and day out. An absolute must - but not drastic change. Little by little by little .. tiny changes are important too, and they tend to be easier to do and to stick with.
So how about changing things up a bit, every day .. have a cup of coffee, look up a new recipe for a meal and go get the ingredients, mow the lawn, a daily walk, clean the bathroom, make a project (craft, household, etc.) .... I do think it's really, really important to get out of the house ... besides a walk or shopping, how about taking in a movie with the kids, go out for lunch with your hubby, check out a museum, see what other type shows might be in town, and the list goes on.
Make some plans .... Write down some stuff that you can do now (indoors and out) .. and stuff that you will look forward to doing tomorrow, or this weekend, or next week, or next month.
Me, I was a lonely, alone (yet married with kids), round-the-clock drinker - 1 to 1.5 quarts (fifths) of vodka per 24-hour period. Those changes in routine were (and are) really important to my sobriety and new lifestyle. One thing I'm still working on is joining groups, such as a bowling league, or crafting group. I'm pretty shy, but getting better every day.
Anyway .. I didn't mean to go on and on .... Hang in there, OK? ... What you're feeling now is not abnormal at all. As others have mentioned, talking to a doctor / therapist about it is definitely something to consider. You're working on you - check into all the resourses that may help you.
And keep checking in here .. K?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Originally Posted by Anna 
Your cravings will ease up and you will find them more manageable as each day goes by.
But, you really need to do this for you.
But, you really need to do this for you.
Find something to distract you. Anything, but the bottle.
6 days is awesome, hope it becomes 7 soon.
The worse is behind you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Originally Posted by Anna
Your cravings will ease up and you will find them more manageable as each day goes by.
But, you really need to do this for you.
But, you really need to do this for you.
Find something to distract you. Anything, but the bottle.
6 days is awesome, hope it becomes 7 soon.
The worse is behind you.
Don't drink, think of your family first.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It's a wonderful idea to pray. I suggest praying to have your craving for alcohol lifted and, getting on the phone to someone in AA who will be able to relate to what you're going through. I promise you, it gets better!
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