I relapsed for my XAGF
Breathing
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Moving
Posts: 14
I relapsed for my XAGF
I haven't been here in a while. I am glad this site is still here...it was a breath of fresh air today after a long, stupid battle with my X (I just want to scream that part) AGF!!
I moved 1500 miles away from her bc of her behavior (also, I got a job and wanted a fresh start in general) and most days, I am in hog heaven being away from her garbage. Today was a hard day and she just wanted to hear my voice. I don't know how I got sucked in but I did and it led to her hanging up on me 3 times and my neighbors overhearing a nonsensical, ridiculous conversation. How embarrassing. I am so much better than this. I have moved along so drastically and yet, I volunteered to get beaten up again.
Ugh. I have told my family all about what had transpired. Told them how she had lied from the very beginning and all about her drinking and using. Shared with them all the stuff I had hidden because I was ashamed and scared they would tell me to get out. Now, I have them to help remind me of why I need to stay out. I made a huge move to a new world to escape feeling like a hostage...I have to remember that every day so I can move on...
We are too good to be treated like we are so bad.
She makes my heart beat race but not because I love her...but because she makes me sick and angry and hate her. I just have to remember this.
I moved 1500 miles away from her bc of her behavior (also, I got a job and wanted a fresh start in general) and most days, I am in hog heaven being away from her garbage. Today was a hard day and she just wanted to hear my voice. I don't know how I got sucked in but I did and it led to her hanging up on me 3 times and my neighbors overhearing a nonsensical, ridiculous conversation. How embarrassing. I am so much better than this. I have moved along so drastically and yet, I volunteered to get beaten up again.
Ugh. I have told my family all about what had transpired. Told them how she had lied from the very beginning and all about her drinking and using. Shared with them all the stuff I had hidden because I was ashamed and scared they would tell me to get out. Now, I have them to help remind me of why I need to stay out. I made a huge move to a new world to escape feeling like a hostage...I have to remember that every day so I can move on...
We are too good to be treated like we are so bad.
She makes my heart beat race but not because I love her...but because she makes me sick and angry and hate her. I just have to remember this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Searching,
I'm so sorry to hear about the codie relapse!
I have noticed from reading the stories on these boards over the years that when the A in our life was part of a romantic relationship, it's as if that person in OUR drug. So relapse is a good way to phrase it.
Anger is OK, and it can be used constructively. I hope that you will channel all that energy back into working on you and building a bright and peaceful future for yourself!
HG
I'm so sorry to hear about the codie relapse!
I have noticed from reading the stories on these boards over the years that when the A in our life was part of a romantic relationship, it's as if that person in OUR drug. So relapse is a good way to phrase it.
Anger is OK, and it can be used constructively. I hope that you will channel all that energy back into working on you and building a bright and peaceful future for yourself!
HG
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Searching81 
She makes my heart beat race but not because I love her...but because she makes me sick and angry and hate her. I just have to remember this.
It sounds like you are working on you and a good life for yourself. Stay strong.
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