FoundmySelf

I have been sober now for almsot 6 days.
Friday I was admitted to the hospital
today I checked myself out the anxiety is killing me
I want to drink so bad
withdrawl is still kicking my butt and all my brain thinks is that a drink will fix it
Librium is not helping me through this, it won't stop my brain from wanting the drink
how do I get past that? I have searched the house from top to bottom and found nothing
he took it all while I was gone. I am going crazy. I feel like a crazed animal. I just want to drink
15 years of my life I have lived through a bottle. I don't know how to live with out it. Help me. Im on my knees begging

ANGELINA243

Keep posting. You are not alone. I know what is feels like to have that "crawling in your skin" feeling. You are right--drinking won't make things any better--and although it might seem like drinking will take away the anxiety--that feeling will be only temporary, plus the anxiety will eventually return. Were you detoxed from alcohol through the hospital? The obsession of the mind where alcohol is concerned can seem to be overpowering at times, but you don't have to give in to those feelings. Help is available. Don't give up hope. We do recover.

edeneen

I am struggling too, I understand. But you can do it, don't give in, alcohol will just make things worse.

FoundmySelf

i wanna drink so bad i can't stop seeing it in my head
smelling it in my nose, imagining it in my throat and on my lips
i am so desprate i feel like a caged animal. I wanna scream and cry
i hate him for doing this and taking my vodka and wine while I was gone

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel so bad lost4now.

If you have anxiety issues as well as alcoholism, I think it's important to get treatment for both.

Do you have a counsellor/therapist/Dr?

Have you thought of rehab? is that an option?
maybe one that deals with dual diagnosis might be helpful?

D

Hevyn

lost4now - I felt that way too when I was trying to quit. Once those horrible feelings pass you'll be so glad you didn't cave. You don't need a setback now, when you've worked so hard to get to 6 days. The others are right - drinking will just make things worse - the comfort will only be temporary.

Please try to hold on until these cravings pass. Posting should help with the anxiety - gives you something to do and occupies your mind. We are with you - you're not alone.

FoundmySelf

thank you so much Hevyn. I am sitting here crying my heart out.
I feel so defeated over something that should have NO POWER over me
yet has so much power.

I am embarassed to admit that I thought about drinking mouthwash.
I keep a large supply to "hide" my alcohol breath from hubby and the kids
I honestly was gonna drink that....

i wanna be better, i wanna live, but i dont know how to with out my
bestfriend the bottle.
its so scarey

Anna

I know how horribly miserable it feels to be where you are. But, know that you can get through it and it will get easier and you will feel better.

Do anything you can think of to take your mind off drinking for a few minutes.

recoverywfaith

to SR.

Have you considered AA in helping you cope and live sober? My first AA meeting...I got an AA big book...phone numbers for support...and went back to meetings to find a sponsor to walk me thru the steps. We do recover together one day at a time.

Hevyn

lost - I remember those feelings so well. I went through the same thing you are many times in my life. I always gave in when I felt terrible, and went right back to square one. I almost lost my life by letting alcohol rule everything I did. This doesn't have to happen to you - once you're over this hurdle you can start healing.

We know you can do this.

FoundmySelf

thank you Anna, i am so tired i am gonna try to sleep
however sleep is not someting i have been able to do since i have been sober.
oh how i miss just passing out

recoverywfaith, I am going to try AA.
I had not left my house for 8 months until this past Friday.
leaving to go to AA is very scarey to me.
I am a 37 year old women who is terrified of people seeing what i have turned in to
i hate being a failure.

sugarbear1

I'm so sorry, I feel your pain. I'm sorry you signed yourself out of the hospital. The 4 hospitals here would have (they do this) strongly medically advised getting to the psych ward and staying for their addiction programs, then encourage outpatient rehabilitation. If it's worse, call any doctor you worked with these past days and ask for serious help or referrals. Peace be with you!

UofI2008

Lost4now you are anything but a failure. You've made it sober for 6 days and have battled your anxiety to boot. In my opinion, you are one tough cookie because there are alot of people out there that don't have the courage to try to do what you are doing. Keep trying and don't give in to that first drink.

FoundmySelf

thank you each and everyone of you
UofI2008 thank you for making me smile...thank you
the desire to drink is lessening... i got up and did some house work
that helped get my mind of of it

i find i can't eat, i am so anxious and so eaten up inside
i have lost 12 pounds this week alone
is that just from not drinking?
i am a small person to begin with so 12 pounds is a lot

Pojman

Wow - sounds like your are in a world of hurt right now.

I also understand how you feel right now. I feel like there is not much I can post right now to help, because I know that right now your mind is in addiction mode. No matter what we say, the addiction is more important than anything else. At least - that is how I feel when I am in similar moments.

The best I can say is - Do whatever it is you need to do to find some sort of pleasure in sobriety. If that is a new hobby, event, study, or whatever. Find SOMETHING else to do with your time.

I know this is not always healthy, and simply patches the problem - But I found other things to be addicted to that were positive activities. I found a hobby that I could do in order to redirect my energy. At least this way, you can first focus on getting sober, and getting a few months under your belt.

I redirected my alcohol/drug addiction to a new hobby, and became somewhat addicted to this new hobby. I admit, this might not be the most healthy thing to do, but it got me 6 months sober. After I regained my sobriety I began to find the time and clarity to focus on living a more healthy lifestyle when it comes to how I spend my time.

Bottom line, best advice I can offer - Find something else to redirect your energy to!! Get sober!! Then start cleaning up your life!!

Good luck!

Threshold

I went through just the situation you describe just a few months ago. Go ahead and scream and cry if you must. It won't do you a bit of harm, unlike drinking would. Tell us here how you feel, we understand! You already have experienced where drinking takes you, and didn't like it, now give NOT drinking a chance.

It is uncomfortable, we don't know how to manage without our fix, we miss it, we are scared and confused, but in time we learn to manage, and we end up with many options open to us, rather than the one..drinking.

I am having a very sad day, but I am sober. I can have a sad day without reaching for he bottle out of terror.

My heart goes out to you, but more importantly my hand. You are not alone, and this discomfort will pass, and you will be better for it.