new and venting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 266
new and venting
hello all! i'm new here, so gear up, it's long! 
a little more than four months ago, my rab began his journey toward recovery by admitting himself into our local hospital for detox. he managed to complete his 90 in 90, but three days shy of his four-month chip, bought a bottle of rum (unbeknownst to me, of course) and succumbed to his craving. he waited a week to tell me, and only did so after speaking with his sponsor. his explanation was simple: he doesn't feel like he "fits in" at aa, and is questioning whether or not he is an alcoholic.
he (and his sponsor) contends that, because he was able to consume less than three shots, dump the remainder of the bottle, and go about his life as normal for the next week, that he may not have this disease. obviously, it is not my place to tell him otherwise, as i am not the one living his life. he has repeatedly told me that he loves the positives that have come out of his sobriety, especially the fact that he knows what it feels like to actually live without the burden of alcohol. however, he despises the fact that he isn't comfortable socially and doesn't like being told (not by me!) that there is something he can't do.
i went to his apartment the day after he told me, and he had the following passage from the aa big book (chapter three, for those interested) cued up for me read:
"we do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. try to drink and stop abruptly. try it more than once. it will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. it may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."
of course, my initial thought was, "what does the REST of the chapter say?" but i listened as he told me that he HAS to find out if he is ever going to be able to drink "normally." i understand that this is a necessity for him, and i have tried to impress upon him that it is his recovery and he is the ONLY person that can control it, but he is incredibly angry at me and feels like i am not supporting him because i expressed concern and told him that the thought of him drinking again is scary.
he is also VERY upset that i am not as understanding as his sponsor. there, quite simply, is no way that i will EVER be as understanding because i have never (nor will i ever) be in his shoes. i am one of those rarities that has never even had a buzz, so it is impossible for me to understand the hold that alcohol can have on a person. that being said, i don't believe that i have to "get it" to be supportive. nor do i feel like i need to play the part of happy girlfriend and be thrilled that he is going through the experimental phase.
he absolutely does NOT want to drink in front of me and, truthfully, i'm not quite sure how i feel about that. i think i would rather see the ugly truth than have it hidden from me. also, i believe that he will grow to resent me if he *can't* drink in front of me, which is something i'm not too keen on having happen.
i love him dearly, and have been so happy (for him) to see the positive changes that have been made over the past four months. he has gained weight, his eyes have cleared up and are now a beautiful bright blue, he is eating regularly and sleeping throughout the night, and his relationship with his parents, although never bad, has improved because he isn't hiding anything from them anymore. he has become more financially savvy, has made clear plans for paying off debt, and has begun enjoying things that sat dormant for him for over a decade. i have tried my hardest to maintain my patience throughout the ups and downs, and have not pressured him for intimacy or affection (which both dramatically decreased). i've tried to let him begin finding himself again, while understanding that every day is a struggle.
the fact that he is angry with me because i don't want him to lose any of that is so incredibly frustrating. honestly, i think he is more scared of losing it than he cares to admit. getting mad at me for expressing something he doesn't want to is easier than taking responsibility for his actions.
so, here i sit, patiently waiting and not knowing what to do. i can't live his life or make his choices for him, and i can't allow him to take away my right to my feelings. i hope he finds the answers he is seeking. i've been reading al-anon literature and the threads here to help me through the weekend, as he wanted to "experiment" again last night.
i love him, and i want him to find his serenity again.
oh, and for those wondering, the rest of the chapter provides stories of people who have experimented and failed. just like a politician, he pulled out the one paragraph that supported his cause!
thanks for reading!
a little more than four months ago, my rab began his journey toward recovery by admitting himself into our local hospital for detox. he managed to complete his 90 in 90, but three days shy of his four-month chip, bought a bottle of rum (unbeknownst to me, of course) and succumbed to his craving. he waited a week to tell me, and only did so after speaking with his sponsor. his explanation was simple: he doesn't feel like he "fits in" at aa, and is questioning whether or not he is an alcoholic.
he (and his sponsor) contends that, because he was able to consume less than three shots, dump the remainder of the bottle, and go about his life as normal for the next week, that he may not have this disease. obviously, it is not my place to tell him otherwise, as i am not the one living his life. he has repeatedly told me that he loves the positives that have come out of his sobriety, especially the fact that he knows what it feels like to actually live without the burden of alcohol. however, he despises the fact that he isn't comfortable socially and doesn't like being told (not by me!) that there is something he can't do.
i went to his apartment the day after he told me, and he had the following passage from the aa big book (chapter three, for those interested) cued up for me read:
"we do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. try to drink and stop abruptly. try it more than once. it will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. it may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."
of course, my initial thought was, "what does the REST of the chapter say?" but i listened as he told me that he HAS to find out if he is ever going to be able to drink "normally." i understand that this is a necessity for him, and i have tried to impress upon him that it is his recovery and he is the ONLY person that can control it, but he is incredibly angry at me and feels like i am not supporting him because i expressed concern and told him that the thought of him drinking again is scary.
he is also VERY upset that i am not as understanding as his sponsor. there, quite simply, is no way that i will EVER be as understanding because i have never (nor will i ever) be in his shoes. i am one of those rarities that has never even had a buzz, so it is impossible for me to understand the hold that alcohol can have on a person. that being said, i don't believe that i have to "get it" to be supportive. nor do i feel like i need to play the part of happy girlfriend and be thrilled that he is going through the experimental phase.
he absolutely does NOT want to drink in front of me and, truthfully, i'm not quite sure how i feel about that. i think i would rather see the ugly truth than have it hidden from me. also, i believe that he will grow to resent me if he *can't* drink in front of me, which is something i'm not too keen on having happen.
i love him dearly, and have been so happy (for him) to see the positive changes that have been made over the past four months. he has gained weight, his eyes have cleared up and are now a beautiful bright blue, he is eating regularly and sleeping throughout the night, and his relationship with his parents, although never bad, has improved because he isn't hiding anything from them anymore. he has become more financially savvy, has made clear plans for paying off debt, and has begun enjoying things that sat dormant for him for over a decade. i have tried my hardest to maintain my patience throughout the ups and downs, and have not pressured him for intimacy or affection (which both dramatically decreased). i've tried to let him begin finding himself again, while understanding that every day is a struggle.
the fact that he is angry with me because i don't want him to lose any of that is so incredibly frustrating. honestly, i think he is more scared of losing it than he cares to admit. getting mad at me for expressing something he doesn't want to is easier than taking responsibility for his actions.
so, here i sit, patiently waiting and not knowing what to do. i can't live his life or make his choices for him, and i can't allow him to take away my right to my feelings. i hope he finds the answers he is seeking. i've been reading al-anon literature and the threads here to help me through the weekend, as he wanted to "experiment" again last night.
i love him, and i want him to find his serenity again.
oh, and for those wondering, the rest of the chapter provides stories of people who have experimented and failed. just like a politician, he pulled out the one paragraph that supported his cause!
thanks for reading!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 46
Ohhh..... sigh. I know this game. He doesn't want to quit. He wants to drink, so.... let him and move on with your life. I know it hurts. But it is going to hurt far more being in a relationship with an alcoholic. I know.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
Typical of an alcoholic in denial. He honestly believes that he has the power to control his drinking. The only way for him to realize that he can't is to continue trying. There is nothing you can do but let him do it. It is obvious that he isn't ready to quit drinking entirely. This is something many, if not most, alcoholics go through. We don't WANT to stop drinking entirely, we just want to be able to drink like non-alcoholics. He could spend years trying to prove that he can moderate his drinking.
If he would put half the effort into recovery that he puts into proving something that in all likelihood isn't true, he would be much better off. However, as you say, you can't live his life for him, so you can either sit around and wait for him to realize something that has been staring him in the face for years, or you can go on with your life, finding pleasure and serenity regardless of what he chooses to do.
If he would put half the effort into recovery that he puts into proving something that in all likelihood isn't true, he would be much better off. However, as you say, you can't live his life for him, so you can either sit around and wait for him to realize something that has been staring him in the face for years, or you can go on with your life, finding pleasure and serenity regardless of what he chooses to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by shawty80 
i love him, and i want him to find his serenity again.
Not only am I a recovering codependent, I am also a long-term recovering alcoholic. As Suki said, he may continue this "experimenting" for years.
He's made his choice to stay in denial and continue his drinking.
You have a choice to tolerate his lifestyle/attitudes/beliefs or not.
He's not interested in recovery in the grand scheme of things.
Throw yourself into your own recovery and you will find the answers.
Sending you hugs of support!
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
That is very typical of an alcoholic in denial. My AH did the same thing over and over again. He too has said things to justify drinking, such as him being able to handle it, or that he can stop now. He has made that comment that he didn’t want to drink in front of me. I think he didn’t want to drink in front of me so that he didn’t have to be honest about his “non-problem.” One time, he even went eight months without a drink, and then decided to try it again thinking he could handle it. He said he didn't like the first drink and poured it out. The next day decided to try again, for some reason, and then was back in the throes of the alcohol’s grip. That grip is fierce, and it was even more of a struggle for him to tear loose this time around.
I am sorry he is “testing the waters.” He has chosen he does not want to live a life without alcohol. He is lashing out at you to try to justify his want to drink, and he is using so much energy just to make it okay. He is putting more focus on being able to drink then into his recovery. I’m not believing his sponsor gave him the okay to try this experiment either. Look out for you now. There is nothing you can do about his choices. Make your decision as to what you will or will not except.
We are you to support you along your way.
I am sorry he is “testing the waters.” He has chosen he does not want to live a life without alcohol. He is lashing out at you to try to justify his want to drink, and he is using so much energy just to make it okay. He is putting more focus on being able to drink then into his recovery. I’m not believing his sponsor gave him the okay to try this experiment either. Look out for you now. There is nothing you can do about his choices. Make your decision as to what you will or will not except.
We are you to support you along your way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 86
Originally Posted by MTSlideAddict
That is very typical of an alcoholic in denial. My AH did the same thing over and over again. He too has said things to justify drinking, such as him being able to handle it, or that he can stop now.
I am sorry he is “testing the waters.” He has chosen he does not want to live a life without alcohol. He is lashing out at you to try to justify his want to drink, and he is using so much energy just to make it okay. He is putting more focus on being able to drink then into his recovery.
I am sorry he is “testing the waters.” He has chosen he does not want to live a life without alcohol. He is lashing out at you to try to justify his want to drink, and he is using so much energy just to make it okay. He is putting more focus on being able to drink then into his recovery.
Out of curiosity: I have read that AA programs do not work for some due to Christian overtones. I have also read that non-AA twelve-step programs try to offer rehabilitation in such a way that an alcoholic can return to society and experience controlled, social drinking. It seems like most alcoholics that I have met (through Alanon) have never returned to a "social drinking atmosphere" after finding serenity and sobriety. This is a slippery slope for most, but I would like to hear your feedback.
Thank You,
Rorty
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by rorty
Out of curiosity: I have read that AA programs do not work for some due to Christian overtones. I have also read that non-AA twelve-step programs try to offer rehabilitation in such a way that an alcoholic can return to society and experience controlled, social drinking. It seems like most alcoholics that I have met (through Alanon) have never returned to a "social drinking atmosphere" after finding serenity and sobriety. This is a slippery slope for most, but I would like to hear your feedback.
I am only familiar with twelve step programs teaching complete abstinence from alcohol. I think any program that is helping is good as long as one stays in control of themselves. My husband is not a religious man, and did not like AA due to its need to define a higher power. He completely disliked AA, because of the religious aspect. Some say that you don’t need to associate God as being the higher power, which is true, but they put in the name “God” in so much of their scriptures it seemed like, to him, going to church. What my husband has found that he feels is able to identify with is through his outpatient rehab at a local psychiatric hospital. The program is based on the same great 12-steps of AA, but has taken the religious affiliation out of it. Instead, the program goes deeper into the psychological aspects of addiction, and the brain’s responses to triggers. So far they have been teaching him how to remain in control of his emotional triggers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
Huh, sounds like that quote from the book, about "experimenting" with controlled drinking, is one way for someone to find out whether they're really alcoholic. Because it's important to know for sure.
What's another way for someone to find out whether they're an alcoholic? What would be a sign, let's see... Oh, I know! Having to go through an in-patient detox program!
hahahahaha
Sorry if it seems I'm making light of your heartache. I've been there, and I'm sorry for the pain you're in. At the same time, the craziness of it all gets laughable, doesn't it?
I think your gut is telling you what nonsense he's saying. He's seized upon a random passage in the book, and he's decided that it permits--nay, requires--him to drink. Oh, and he's obsessed with finding out whether he's really an alcoholic. One has to be sure! Because so many non-alcoholics randomly end up in detox programs.
You don't really need to find out whether his sponsor is playing along with this nonsense, or whether your rab is lying to you about it. Sponsor, schmonsor... you know crazy talk when you hear it.
All that said, I'm sorry you're going through this.
What's another way for someone to find out whether they're an alcoholic? What would be a sign, let's see... Oh, I know! Having to go through an in-patient detox program!
hahahahaha
Sorry if it seems I'm making light of your heartache. I've been there, and I'm sorry for the pain you're in. At the same time, the craziness of it all gets laughable, doesn't it?
I think your gut is telling you what nonsense he's saying. He's seized upon a random passage in the book, and he's decided that it permits--nay, requires--him to drink. Oh, and he's obsessed with finding out whether he's really an alcoholic. One has to be sure! Because so many non-alcoholics randomly end up in detox programs.
You don't really need to find out whether his sponsor is playing along with this nonsense, or whether your rab is lying to you about it. Sponsor, schmonsor... you know crazy talk when you hear it.
All that said, I'm sorry you're going through this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
controlled drinking--rorty
Hi Rorty,
So, controlled drinking. There's lots of literature about that floating around, and various success stories. I surprise myself with this one because I actually agree with the AA angle that people who can't handle alcohol are sort of saddled with the problem for life, unfortunately.
My feeling is this: I don't know why some people can't handle alcohol. Some people can't handle dairy, some people can't handle wheat, some people can't handle alcohol. It's not going to suddenly change.
Can I gently point out your friend's language: "She says that one of her goals is to be able to drink casually, she frequently reiterates this hope."
A "goal" is something like finishing college, having children, finding a job. And she's saying her "goal" is to be able to drink again without anyone hassling her?
Think of how nutty that sounds. That's the withdrawal talking.
Imagine if someone said you could never eat your favorite food again. It gives you a weird allergic reaction that causes you to be horrid to your loved ones, lose your job, endanger yourself and others. Woud you be like, "Oh, yeah, maybe it the future I'll just start eating it *a little* again." What? No, you'd just cut it out altogether. Alcohol withdrawal makes it impossible for the drinker to see it in these terms.
So whether she talks herself back into drinking again, or whether she's able to shake it off and move to something else... that's really up to her.
So, controlled drinking. There's lots of literature about that floating around, and various success stories. I surprise myself with this one because I actually agree with the AA angle that people who can't handle alcohol are sort of saddled with the problem for life, unfortunately.
My feeling is this: I don't know why some people can't handle alcohol. Some people can't handle dairy, some people can't handle wheat, some people can't handle alcohol. It's not going to suddenly change.
Can I gently point out your friend's language: "She says that one of her goals is to be able to drink casually, she frequently reiterates this hope."
A "goal" is something like finishing college, having children, finding a job. And she's saying her "goal" is to be able to drink again without anyone hassling her?
Think of how nutty that sounds. That's the withdrawal talking.
Imagine if someone said you could never eat your favorite food again. It gives you a weird allergic reaction that causes you to be horrid to your loved ones, lose your job, endanger yourself and others. Woud you be like, "Oh, yeah, maybe it the future I'll just start eating it *a little* again." What? No, you'd just cut it out altogether. Alcohol withdrawal makes it impossible for the drinker to see it in these terms.
So whether she talks herself back into drinking again, or whether she's able to shake it off and move to something else... that's really up to her.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
I'm a social drinker and I drink very little realy, but i do go in the local pub, because I like the social life and the darts! Theres a lady in there who was at deaths door two years ago, she had all the same stuff my brother had, drains on her stomach, drips with 'stuff' in them and she was told she needed to stop drinking or she'd die, simple as!
She must be one in a milion because she can go in the pub and have a pint of lager then get up say good night and go home to bed! Her husband has searched the house and there are no signs of her drinking and he really thinks she doesn't apart from the one pint in the pub. He loves her dearly so I think he's just glad she's found a happy place, no one who knows her well can say she drinks more than that one pint, most people who know her admire her for her restraint.
I don't know her well enough to make up my own mind if this is true or not, I know she was hospitalised when I first met her husband, and I know she looks well now and is a nice woman, thats it! We share some friends so I guess it's the truth, I just think she's one of the lucky ones.
I think for a few it may work, but not for many. And I think if it does work, then maybe it wasn't an addiction anyway, just a choice.
She must be one in a milion because she can go in the pub and have a pint of lager then get up say good night and go home to bed! Her husband has searched the house and there are no signs of her drinking and he really thinks she doesn't apart from the one pint in the pub. He loves her dearly so I think he's just glad she's found a happy place, no one who knows her well can say she drinks more than that one pint, most people who know her admire her for her restraint.
I don't know her well enough to make up my own mind if this is true or not, I know she was hospitalised when I first met her husband, and I know she looks well now and is a nice woman, thats it! We share some friends so I guess it's the truth, I just think she's one of the lucky ones.
I think for a few it may work, but not for many. And I think if it does work, then maybe it wasn't an addiction anyway, just a choice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: ontario
Posts: 78
From what I've read there is a group (non AA) which believe that A's can moderate their drinking. It's those who consider themselves heavy drinkers and I don't think they're alcoholics yet. There's no way my husband could do that and I do believe that once you've crossed that line you can't have a drink. Falling off the wagon is common and that's the part I can't handle - the roller coaster. I believe it's like smoking, once you kick your addiction to nicotine all it takes is one drag and your brains says, "hello" and you're right back where you started before you quit.
I just might post my own rant today. I won't be saying I love my husband in it though. lol I think it's harder to be the wife/child than it is to be the drunk. Can you tell I'm angry today?
I just might post my own rant today. I won't be saying I love my husband in it though. lol I think it's harder to be the wife/child than it is to be the drunk. Can you tell I'm angry today?
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by akrasia
Imagine if someone said you could never eat your favorite food again. It gives you a weird allergic reaction that causes you to be horrid to your loved ones, lose your job, endanger yourself and others. Woud you be like, "Oh, yeah, maybe it the future I'll just start eating it *a little* again." What? No, you'd just cut it out altogether. Alcohol withdrawal makes it impossible for the drinker to see it in these terms.
Hwdcarver
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
Posts: 54
Controlled ????
No such thing as control Being an Alcoholic! there in lies the whole problem, that is why we are alcoholics, No Control!!!! I hope he comes to terms with himself before it gets more out of Control. Your Happiness for yourself is is very important for you too, Weigh the options for yourself, but is love only one drink too many?? Maybe try to talk to him again and tell him your true feelings how his controlled drinking is making you feel!?............. Best of luck
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
rorty
Originally Posted by rorty
have also read that non-AA twelve-step programs try to offer rehabilitation in such a way that an alcoholic can return to society and experience controlled, social drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 86
You guys are awesome. Whenever I post a question here I get bountiful feedback. THANK YOU Prior to this thread I felt very alone in thinking that her "objective" is delusional.
Prior to this thread I felt very alone in thinking that her "objective" is delusional.
Originally Posted by mtslideaddict
Has alcohol been the CAUSE of anything positive in your life? Can you honestly say that because of alcohol your life is better? I personally cannot. I am not an alcoholic, but I choose not to drink. I have such a bad association with alcohol based on the rollercoaster with my AH. I asked myself those questions, and I stopped drinking based on my answers.
- I am the same way, I don't drink either. I never really did.
Originally Posted by akrasia
Think of how nutty that sounds. That's the withdrawal talking.
- As a "normie" coming into this situation when she says things like this I have no context for them. She is in recovery but hides her deep affliction extremely well, she acts FINE. I have to constantly remind myself that recovery is difficult... as hell. I also have to remind her (when we talk) that she can open up to me regarding her anguish. She typically does.
Originally Posted by anvilhead
social drinkers don't set up situations to test to see whether they can have a few drinks and be ok. social drinkers don't really give booze much thought at all. booze has about the same amount of impact on their lives as pickles.
- I really relate to this comment. There is another thread circulating called "Things Normies Don't Know." For me, a Normie, before I knew that she was an alcoholic, I did not understand why she would count the number of drinks she was consuming.
Originally Posted by soberlicious
Most non-AA approaches that I am aware of stress complete abstinence from alcohol. MM works with moderation, but is certainly not a majority.
- Good to know! Thank you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 266
well, his little experiment last night ended with him getting drunk. surprise, surprise! he told me that he spoke with his sponsor again, and they are both *happy* that he didn't like the experience. all i could think when he was telling me this was, "sure, you don't like it THIS time...." RIDICULOUS!!!
i've told him that i need a week to process all of this and take care of myself. this is our first foray into a relapse, and i don't think i was, in any way, prepared for how much it would hurt. he wants me to trust that he knows what he's doing, but i simply can't jump on board with his way of thinking.
thanks for all of your wisdom. i know he's doing everything he can to justify and protect his addiction. there's nothing i can do but let him go with the flow and find his own way.
i appreciate the responses, and no worries about "making light" of the situation. i see it for what it is, even if he doesn't.
i've told him that i need a week to process all of this and take care of myself. this is our first foray into a relapse, and i don't think i was, in any way, prepared for how much it would hurt. he wants me to trust that he knows what he's doing, but i simply can't jump on board with his way of thinking.
thanks for all of your wisdom. i know he's doing everything he can to justify and protect his addiction. there's nothing i can do but let him go with the flow and find his own way.
i appreciate the responses, and no worries about "making light" of the situation. i see it for what it is, even if he doesn't.
Breathing
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Moving
Posts: 14
so similar.
I could have written exactly what you wrote...except my now XA has been doing this same stupid game for years.
"i cant be completely clean..." bla bla bla..
I grew up with two drunks. My mom got clean 25 plus years ago and my dad drank himself to death. My mother went crazy when he died but she didnt drink and she has found a happiness that I had never seen before because she didn't have to worry about whether or not he was going to drink or not. Seeing the happiness of someone so deserving made me realize that I needed to get out of my unhealthy relationship with someone so sick that it doesnt matter that she loves me because she's a drunk...no matter what I say or do, she still loves to drink more than loves to be happy.
So sad.
so very sad.
"i cant be completely clean..." bla bla bla..
I grew up with two drunks. My mom got clean 25 plus years ago and my dad drank himself to death. My mother went crazy when he died but she didnt drink and she has found a happiness that I had never seen before because she didn't have to worry about whether or not he was going to drink or not. Seeing the happiness of someone so deserving made me realize that I needed to get out of my unhealthy relationship with someone so sick that it doesnt matter that she loves me because she's a drunk...no matter what I say or do, she still loves to drink more than loves to be happy.
So sad.
so very sad.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 111
"i know he's doing everything he can to justify and protect his addiction"
YES! It took me a loooong time to firmly believe this and I try to keep it foremost in my mind whenever dealing with my STBXAH.
Everything he says, everything he does is to protect and prolong his disease and keep the alcohol coming. Everything. Every. thing. And he doesnt even realize what he is doing because he thinks I am the problem. It really is amazing. And incredibly sad.
I am sorry you are going through this.
YES! It took me a loooong time to firmly believe this and I try to keep it foremost in my mind whenever dealing with my STBXAH.
Everything he says, everything he does is to protect and prolong his disease and keep the alcohol coming. Everything. Every. thing. And he doesnt even realize what he is doing because he thinks I am the problem. It really is amazing. And incredibly sad.
I am sorry you are going through this.
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