New here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Uk
Posts: 66
New here!
Hi all,
Im new here and am just getting to grips with how it all works - never really been on any forum before. its really hard typing through tears as this is the first time ive ever really acknowledged my problem or tried to get help. ive pushed a lot of people away with my drinking and truly believed that because i didn't drink every day i didn't/dont have a problem. However right about now - reality is telling me otherwise.
Have had a great guy in my life (for the first time since the collapse of my marriage - 10yrs ago) for the past year and now i have managed to destroy the relationship with my drunken outbursts.... im know i need to abstain completely and im hoping this site can help!
Sometimes after a long day i tell myself i deserve a nice drink (glass of wine) and sometimes i'll pour it and nurse the one drink all evening... or it would be two glasses tops and it would have taken the edge off my mood. I thought as i was CONTROLLING it in that manner everything was ok. It wasn't, because every time after that i would have a little more and a little more still thinking i was in control.
Then my character changes completely and i get nasty to the people around me - i just want to fix this..... Ive drunk since i was a teenager, i'll be 37 soon. So mad at myself.
Thanks for reading,
Want this to stop.
Im new here and am just getting to grips with how it all works - never really been on any forum before. its really hard typing through tears as this is the first time ive ever really acknowledged my problem or tried to get help. ive pushed a lot of people away with my drinking and truly believed that because i didn't drink every day i didn't/dont have a problem. However right about now - reality is telling me otherwise.
Have had a great guy in my life (for the first time since the collapse of my marriage - 10yrs ago) for the past year and now i have managed to destroy the relationship with my drunken outbursts.... im know i need to abstain completely and im hoping this site can help!
Sometimes after a long day i tell myself i deserve a nice drink (glass of wine) and sometimes i'll pour it and nurse the one drink all evening... or it would be two glasses tops and it would have taken the edge off my mood. I thought as i was CONTROLLING it in that manner everything was ok. It wasn't, because every time after that i would have a little more and a little more still thinking i was in control.
Then my character changes completely and i get nasty to the people around me - i just want to fix this..... Ive drunk since i was a teenager, i'll be 37 soon. So mad at myself.
Thanks for reading,
Want this to stop.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, wanthistostop. I'm sorry you're so sad.
I was so hopeless when I found SR. Had tried and failed to quit on my own so many times. You sure have come to the right place. You'll get lots of support here—lots of ideas on how to break the cycle, and start a brighter life anew.
I was so hopeless when I found SR. Had tried and failed to quit on my own so many times. You sure have come to the right place. You'll get lots of support here—lots of ideas on how to break the cycle, and start a brighter life anew.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi wantthistostop
I came here with my life and relationships in ruins too.
The folks here were, and are, amazing - they helped me turn my life around, and to saty sober.
Hope we can help you do the same too.
You're not alone here.
Welcome
D
I came here with my life and relationships in ruins too.
The folks here were, and are, amazing - they helped me turn my life around, and to saty sober.
Hope we can help you do the same too.
You're not alone here.
Welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
Hi and welcome!
There are a lot of us here who have been through similar experiences. Realizing you have a problem is a very hard thing to do. I remember the day I finally realized I had a problem I was sobbing and praying (literally) for help. I was so emotionally upset (not to mention hung over) that I started throwing up and had the worst bloody nose I've ever had. After that was over, I just felt peaceful. I felt so relieved just to admit it. I then searched "alcoholic moms" on the internet and found this website which has saved my butt on more than one occasion.
I think it's great that you have admitted you need help. You can do this, and your life will be so much better! When I stopped, I honestly didn't know how I would be able to live without drinking to look forward to. Life now is so much better.
There is so much help on this site if you're willing to be open to it. Lots of support. Keep reading and posting!
There are a lot of us here who have been through similar experiences. Realizing you have a problem is a very hard thing to do. I remember the day I finally realized I had a problem I was sobbing and praying (literally) for help. I was so emotionally upset (not to mention hung over) that I started throwing up and had the worst bloody nose I've ever had. After that was over, I just felt peaceful. I felt so relieved just to admit it. I then searched "alcoholic moms" on the internet and found this website which has saved my butt on more than one occasion.
I think it's great that you have admitted you need help. You can do this, and your life will be so much better! When I stopped, I honestly didn't know how I would be able to live without drinking to look forward to. Life now is so much better.
There is so much help on this site if you're willing to be open to it. Lots of support. Keep reading and posting!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Welcome! I'm familiar with those outbursts! And boy did I feel like an out of control arse the next day! The good news is it can stop! Alcohol can bring out the beast in the nicest people. . You are in understanding company. There are so many things I wish I could take back but all I can do now is try to live a better life. I made it through today without drinking and I'll take that as a small miracle! Hang in there and read around the site! You are in great company! 
. You are in understanding company. There are so many things I wish I could take back but all I can do now is try to live a better life. I made it through today without drinking and I'll take that as a small miracle! Hang in there and read around the site! You are in great company! SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, wantthistostop 
I used to think of reasons my drinking wasn't all that bad, or how I'd stop tomorrow, or that when I got certain things changed in my life I wouldn't have the stress, etc. etc.......
Finally, after the hangovers got bad, I started thinking I needed to quit and would swear I wasn't going to drink anything ever again. Most of the time I was out buying wine the same day. That was scary, because it happened over and over again.
I finally got sober with the support and understanding of the people here. If we can do it, you can too.:ghug3
I used to think of reasons my drinking wasn't all that bad, or how I'd stop tomorrow, or that when I got certain things changed in my life I wouldn't have the stress, etc. etc.......
Finally, after the hangovers got bad, I started thinking I needed to quit and would swear I wasn't going to drink anything ever again. Most of the time I was out buying wine the same day. That was scary, because it happened over and over again.
I finally got sober with the support and understanding of the people here. If we can do it, you can too.:ghug3
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
to SRI can very much relate to your story. I started drinking about the age of 15 and did not stop till I was 35. Needless to say there are many things that I did during that time I would rather I have not done and am ashamed to say I have done.
One thing that stands out to me in your story is where you say
Sometimes after a long day i tell myself i deserve a nice drink (glass of wine) and sometimes i'll pour it and nurse the one drink all evening... or it would be two glasses tops and it would have taken the edge off my mood. I thought as i was CONTROLLING it in that manner everything was ok. It wasn't, because every time after that i would have a little more and a little more still thinking i was in control.
Then my character changes completely and i get nasty to the people around me - i just want to fix this..... Ive drunk since i was a teenager, i'll be 37 soon. So mad at myself.
Then my character changes completely and i get nasty to the people around me - i just want to fix this..... Ive drunk since i was a teenager, i'll be 37 soon. So mad at myself.
For me to get off that roller coaster I had to finally accept that alcohol had beat me and to continue to drink it was insanity. Once I accepted that then I found a program of recovery and started piecing my life back together. It has taken time and it is still a process. But the one thing I have not had to do is drink over anything even to take the edge off my mood. Here is a list of many of the recovery programs available. I encourage you to try to find one that will work for you also to stick around here at SR as it is a wonderful place full of support. Take care and I do hope you find what you are seeking. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
to the family. You've come to a place with a lot of support and understanding. I credit this site with keeping me sober. It's my family on my desk. I hope we can help you get and stay sober. It's worth it.And if you need some reasons in favor of staying sober, here's a growing collection.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-sober.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Uk
Posts: 66
Wow guys,
Truly amazed and touch at all i have just read - thank you all for your responses, it feels amazing to be understood and not judged.
Nandm thank you - im gona wash away my tears (really - have to go bathroom) then im going to check out your link as well as the reasons for staying sober.
Thank you all for the welcome and i hope we can all stay strong together
Want this to stop
Truly amazed and touch at all i have just read - thank you all for your responses, it feels amazing to be understood and not judged.
Nandm thank you - im gona wash away my tears (really - have to go bathroom) then im going to check out your link as well as the reasons for staying sober.
Thank you all for the welcome and i hope we can all stay strong together
Want this to stop
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 95
Welcome!! I came to the same realization myself just about a month ago. I have now passed the 3 week mark in sobriety and I feel like a super star! You will find so much comfort and inspiration here - these awesome people have become like family to me.
Set your mind on this task and take a leap of faith. You can do this. I am rooting for you!!
Set your mind on this task and take a leap of faith. You can do this. I am rooting for you!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Uk
Posts: 66
Hey Super Star aka prayforstrenght - well done on reaching 3weeks. Thanks for the vote of faith - im determined to not let myself down again and hopefully with a little time I'll also be able to inspire some people on here - keep up the great battle.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by wantthistostop 
Then my character changes completely and i get nasty to the people around me - i just want to fix this.....
Welcome.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
IWTTS...thanks for your post. You are not only in the right place for the help and support you seek, but you are also helping us all by helping us keep cognizant of the moment of reality you are experiencing. Like PFS, I have 3 weeks as well, and am glad I have stopped. Some rewards are immediate, some come with adhering to a program through self-actualization and honesty. These steps and friends will absolutely change your life, if you let them.
Chin up, you are on the right track and you are not in a place that we haven't all been before. Peace and strength for you!
Chin up, you are on the right track and you are not in a place that we haven't all been before. Peace and strength for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Uk
Posts: 66
Ive completed a week today - scared because the week has been hard and stressful. Really has been one of those week's where normally i would have just gone to the shop and bought a drink to kill/numb it.
But i didn't give in to the urge at all. But i also haven't eaten for the last two days! I truly have no appetite or desire for food!! Only been managing about 3 or 4 hours sleep a night and figure the headaches are down to those two aspects.
Just wanted to let you know though that although i may not post much... i read a lot of the posts and they have helped me through the week - powerful site. I will try to be more active guys. Thanks
But i didn't give in to the urge at all. But i also haven't eaten for the last two days! I truly have no appetite or desire for food!! Only been managing about 3 or 4 hours sleep a night and figure the headaches are down to those two aspects.
Just wanted to let you know though that although i may not post much... i read a lot of the posts and they have helped me through the week - powerful site. I will try to be more active guys. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: On a raft somewhere in the Atlantic
Posts: 13
Wantthistostop,
I am envious of your week - congratulations to you! Keep going, you are inspiring me. Appetite loss is a problem for me whether it's stress-related, not drinking, anything. Ensure Plus is a life-saver...350 calories plus tons of vitamins and minerals in about a six ounce bottle. Easy to choke down.
Sloane
I am envious of your week - congratulations to you! Keep going, you are inspiring me. Appetite loss is a problem for me whether it's stress-related, not drinking, anything. Ensure Plus is a life-saver...350 calories plus tons of vitamins and minerals in about a six ounce bottle. Easy to choke down.
Sloane
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