Alone and need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1
Alone and need advice
Hello , I am obviously new here. I don't know where to begin because I never thought I had a problem with drinking. I am young , I work , I am smart , and all the rest and felt I had a handle on things. I am finding now that although I still get up for work , I am often getting up and feeling hungover. I tell myself I am not going to go to the bar or to the store to buy more every day and every day after work ( I work in a busy kitchen) I do it all over again. It has effected many things in my life. Finace , relationship with my mother and boyfriends. I can become irrational , mean , angry, I push and push and don't know when to stop because I am not thinking straight. Action then reaction. I am in a relationship now ( 4 years) with a man who drinks like I do and also doesn't think he has a problem. I love this man dearly and we always talk about stopping and how it's ruining us but we never stop. First and for most even though I dearly love this man , I need to think of myself. I don't crave the drink during the day , I don't know if I drink for bordom - I moved to a small town to be with my bf and haven't made any friends as I work far too much. I don't know if it's because I have abandonment issues - my father left when I was 2 and passed 10+ years ago , never knew him although we wrote letters back and forth as he did with my brother and sister as well.
I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my bf about it because we often fight about it , we fight often and right now aren't on speaking terms. We are not these people, we are good honest people, we , I , think I have a problem with drinking and it's ruining my frame of mind.
I don't even know if I am ready to quit completly , I tell myself I can control it and only buy 3 tall boys and go home instead of the bar but that's still enough to make me feel crappy and unsure in the morning and not able to think and react in straight manner.
I know this all sounds very gumbled and mixed up , but this is what goes on in my head on a regular basis and I think this is the booze talking.
I have no one to talk to , I don't have any friends, I talk to my bf so much about everything that it's seems I am overwhelming him as he doesn't have any answers. So I am here.
am I an alcoholic?
I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my bf about it because we often fight about it , we fight often and right now aren't on speaking terms. We are not these people, we are good honest people, we , I , think I have a problem with drinking and it's ruining my frame of mind.
I don't even know if I am ready to quit completly , I tell myself I can control it and only buy 3 tall boys and go home instead of the bar but that's still enough to make me feel crappy and unsure in the morning and not able to think and react in straight manner.
I know this all sounds very gumbled and mixed up , but this is what goes on in my head on a regular basis and I think this is the booze talking.
I have no one to talk to , I don't have any friends, I talk to my bf so much about everything that it's seems I am overwhelming him as he doesn't have any answers. So I am here.
am I an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Hey welcome to SR. Thanks for the post, it's a big step. Many good recovering peoople here to support you and help you in your efforts. You are not alone. Stick around, read and post. My best to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, QuietCedar.
Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic. I knew I had a serious problem when I would wake up hungover, vow not to drink that night, and then pick up some beer or wine on my way home. Sometimes I could moderate if I had to—but I didn't enjoy that. It was always struggle to resist the call of another drink. It took me years and years to stop holding onto the fantasy that I could somehow become a normal drinker. Bygones, though. I'm just grateful I finally gave that up. Life is so much better now, so much less of a struggle.
Glad you found us. It's great that you're taking a look at these problems at a young age.
Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic. I knew I had a serious problem when I would wake up hungover, vow not to drink that night, and then pick up some beer or wine on my way home. Sometimes I could moderate if I had to—but I didn't enjoy that. It was always struggle to resist the call of another drink. It took me years and years to stop holding onto the fantasy that I could somehow become a normal drinker. Bygones, though. I'm just grateful I finally gave that up. Life is so much better now, so much less of a struggle.
Glad you found us. It's great that you're taking a look at these problems at a young age.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
"am I an alcoholic?" I asked this questioned alot and got answers ranging from yes, no, maybe so. My life started getting better when I began asking myself different questions. Namely, "to what degree is alcohol affecting my life (honestly)?" and "is my life the way I want it to be?" and "am I happy?" answering those were the impetus for making changes for me. best to you on your journey...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
Welcome!!
Nobody can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not... you have to answer that one for yourself. Does it really matter? If alcohol is affecting your life negatively than it should go, with or without the label of "alcoholic." I knew I had a problem when I found myself spending my days debating about whether or not I should drink that night and then spent my nights drinking until I passed out. I caused all kinds of problems with my husband that I am still trying to rectify.
I would just encourage you to try to be REALLY honest with yourself about all of this. I think that's the hardest part-- at least it was for me. The good news is that life without alcohol is awesome if that's something you want to try. Being able to bounce out of bed feeling great beats waking up to a hangover. Good luck with whatever you decide!
Nobody can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not... you have to answer that one for yourself. Does it really matter? If alcohol is affecting your life negatively than it should go, with or without the label of "alcoholic." I knew I had a problem when I found myself spending my days debating about whether or not I should drink that night and then spent my nights drinking until I passed out. I caused all kinds of problems with my husband that I am still trying to rectify.
I would just encourage you to try to be REALLY honest with yourself about all of this. I think that's the hardest part-- at least it was for me. The good news is that life without alcohol is awesome if that's something you want to try.
Being able to bounce out of bed feeling great beats waking up to a hangover. Good luck with whatever you decide!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome QuietCedar! Why not try NOT drinking for a while and see how you feel? You may find your answer there. I sure understand about becoming someone you don't recognize while drinking. We say and do a lot of things we wouldn't normally do.
Best Wishes To You!
Best Wishes To You!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
QuietCedar - it's wonderful to have you here. You'll find it comforting to be among people who really get you and have been where you are.
My husband (now deceased) and I drank to excess. At first it was all fun and exciting. We never knew back then it would overtake us and we wouldn't be able to make a move without it. He became totally dependent on it and lost everything. Later, I had my own battle with it. All the hell we went through could have been prevented if we'd reached out for help the way you are now. I'm so glad you are questioning your lifestyle and looking for answers.
Please keep posting - it helps to know you're not alone. Let us know how it's going for you.
My husband (now deceased) and I drank to excess. At first it was all fun and exciting. We never knew back then it would overtake us and we wouldn't be able to make a move without it. He became totally dependent on it and lost everything. Later, I had my own battle with it. All the hell we went through could have been prevented if we'd reached out for help the way you are now. I'm so glad you are questioning your lifestyle and looking for answers.
Please keep posting - it helps to know you're not alone. Let us know how it's going for you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Some people do stop drinking for various reasons includeing becomeing more healthy...calmer and productive.
They may or may not be alcoholics...simply finding that alcohol is no longer working well for them.
I am an alcoholic...so I required more than not drinking....I yearened for a different lifestyle and approach to living....
I was working in a resturant and I found a local AA meeting that I could attend before work,,it met at 7 a.m. That is how I started to reach my goals.
The other members became my support circle.. i did not recover alone.
Welcome to SR....
They may or may not be alcoholics...simply finding that alcohol is no longer working well for them.
I am an alcoholic...so I required more than not drinking....I yearened for a different lifestyle and approach to living....
I was working in a resturant and I found a local AA meeting that I could attend before work,,it met at 7 a.m. That is how I started to reach my goals.
The other members became my support circle.. i did not recover alone.
Welcome to SR....
Last edited by CarolD; 08-27-2011 at 10:38 AM.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Welcome QC! Great advice and comments above. I don't have any additional wisdom, but my own story. I concluded at age 20 that I was, but I didn't take my sobriety seriously, and have struggled with the question for 28 yrs until now. Yes, I am an alcoholic. Oh, how I wish I had just written off the poison 28 yrs ago!
My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope you will find the hope, peace, joy and happiness of sobriety that so many here on SR have and share.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope you will find the hope, peace, joy and happiness of sobriety that so many here on SR have and share.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi QuietCedar
With the long list of negatives that you wrote drinking brings you, yet you're still not sure you want to stop drinking...I think we can both agree that's a problem, no matter what else we call it.
You'll find a lot of support here, a lot of ideas about what to do next, and a lot of understanding - we get it
Welcome to SR
D
With the long list of negatives that you wrote drinking brings you, yet you're still not sure you want to stop drinking...I think we can both agree that's a problem, no matter what else we call it.
You'll find a lot of support here, a lot of ideas about what to do next, and a lot of understanding - we get it
Welcome to SR
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome QuietCedar -
It's not easy to accept that we have a problem (some deny it until it kills them), so it's a really positive thing that you're here. Social drinkers don't usually ask if they're alcoholic or not.
I was terrified to think about quitting entirely - drinking was pretty much the only thing I looked forward to (which is pretty insane in itself). Coming here gave me a little hope, though, and I took a leap of faith that what everyone was saying could be true for me too - it really would get better.
Stick around - it's a great place!:day6
It's not easy to accept that we have a problem (some deny it until it kills them), so it's a really positive thing that you're here. Social drinkers don't usually ask if they're alcoholic or not.
I was terrified to think about quitting entirely - drinking was pretty much the only thing I looked forward to (which is pretty insane in itself). Coming here gave me a little hope, though, and I took a leap of faith that what everyone was saying could be true for me too - it really would get better.
Stick around - it's a great place!:day6
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 9
The more time you spend negotiating with that bottle of booze, the more it will win control over your life. Many of us alcoholics have spent half of our lives or more destroying ourselves and the lives of those we love. How we wish we could have done our lives differently!!! It doesn't have to be that way for you -- you don't need to prove to anyone you are an alcoholic!!
Boyfriend can't be any help right now unless he truly wants to stop drinking ... if not, then you should find new friends in your small town -- I'm sure there is an AA Meeting, and for the first 90 days, I recommend that you spend ALL your free time there. Find some girlfriends.
I am not advocating AA; I just think an AA Meeting is a safe place......you need to be with people that care, that will support you right now. Going home alone at night is not a good option. That just leaves you vulnerable.
I recommend that you talk to a psychologist and then go see a M.D., get a checkup, get your bloodwork done, start new, start over, start fresh...!!! They will help you! and of course, we at SR will help you!!
Above all, DON'T talk yourself out of this. That just means the booze wins again.
Boyfriend can't be any help right now unless he truly wants to stop drinking ... if not, then you should find new friends in your small town -- I'm sure there is an AA Meeting, and for the first 90 days, I recommend that you spend ALL your free time there. Find some girlfriends.
I am not advocating AA; I just think an AA Meeting is a safe place......you need to be with people that care, that will support you right now. Going home alone at night is not a good option. That just leaves you vulnerable.
I recommend that you talk to a psychologist and then go see a M.D., get a checkup, get your bloodwork done, start new, start over, start fresh...!!! They will help you! and of course, we at SR will help you!!
Above all, DON'T talk yourself out of this. That just means the booze wins again.
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