EN8686

I think I've pretty much hit it. I'm a 25 year old male (just turned 25 August 6th) who just recieved his 2nd DUI and am pretty much terrified as to what will happen with my life.

I've been a pretty big partier for the better part of the last 6 or 7 years but never thought that I had a problem, even though alcoholism runs in my family and my dad passed away from alcohol-induced liver failure. I would go out on weekends with my buddes, party all night, etc and then live a normal life during the week (go to work, workout 3-5 times a week, etc). Everything is upside down for me right now...I'm not sure if I have a problem or if I've just made some really bad decisions about drinking/driving. I really don't know what to do from here. I've drank two times since the DUI arrest (happened in mid-July) one of which was my birthday...but I honestly don't have any desire to drink or even be around anyone for that matter. I just feel ashamed and scared for my future.

The worst part of it all, is that I was in the midst of going to school to get a BA in Education degree (Physical Ed/Minor in health). I had about a year and a half left. My dream was to teach at a high school and coach sports. I've been working with kids my entire life and I envisioned myself following that career path but not I'm not even sure if I can continue the education program at my University. All that work down the toilet for a problem that could have been so easily avoided. I took this semester off to deal with the DUI but I don't know how I'll proceed from here.

The hardest part of all this is my relationship with my mother. I live with my mom and I'm an only child so it's just us two. She's an absolute saint and has done everything for me that I ever needed and what hurts the absolute most is that i let her down and put her through this unnecessary pain. All she wanted was for me to finish college and establish myself with a career and I don't know how I'm possibly going to do that now. I got to court for the DUI next Friday and my lawyer is trying to work out some kind of deal for me. I've already started the DUI risk education classes and have a class tomorrow morning.

It's just a really bad situation and any advice would be appreciated. I've read some of the other posts on this site and they gave me a little bit of hope but not enough to overcome the despair I'm feeling.

nandm

to SR.

Sorry to hear you are struggling so right now.

I know things can seem a bit overwhelming under the circumstances but please keep in mind you can only put on foot in front of the other. Things rarely change overnight. It sounds like you are developing a plan. You have a court date set up soon, you have a lawyer. Maybe it would also be prudent to speak to your guidance counselor at your University and see what they can tell you about continuing their program. I know you feel you have disappointed and hurt your mother. It is likely you have but you can not change that now all you can do is move forward and do what you can to prevent doing it again in the future. Do you have a plan for sobriety? Have you considered trying one of the many recovery programs available? Posting and reading here at SR is a great tool towards developing and maintaining sobriety. Look at the little things you can do today to help improve your situation. Sometimes the most productive things in the long run are the small changes we make to our daily lives rather than the seemingly big ones.

Again welcome to SR

EN8686

Thanks for the reply, nandm. I already spoke with my counselor at school and she told me that she'd have to ask another admin regarding the matter and that she would get back to me.

As far as sobriety, I've drank two times since this happened and it's been a month and a half. I really don't feel the urge to drink as I only drink with other people and right now, I don't even want to be around anyone. I do want to get into a few AA meetings but I'm not sure how to find any around my area or how I would get to them without the ability to drive a car (my license suspension begins this coming Thursday).

I just wish I could see some kind of light at the end of this as right now it really seems hopeless. Maybe things will be a little more clear after my court date.

I've spent the last month going to work and then sitting at home and googling stuff that has to do with whether or not someone can find a good job after getting two DUI's. I'm seriously scared that any hope of a career that I had is now done. And I did it all to myself.

Dee74

Hi EN8686
welcome to SR

I don't know anything about DUIs but I know several people here who've had them and gone on with their lives...I hope the court date goes well for you

Well with one bad decision, maybe you could argue that - but with two, I dunno....
Only you know the extent of the problem, but I think you're wise to come here and at least talk stuff out

You'll find a lot of good advice and support here

D

EN8686

Thanks for the kind words, Dee.

As far as the drinking, I'm really not sure how to classify my problem or if I have one. I never really have sudden urges to drink, I don't drink during the week. It's only a weekend, social thing although I have noticed that it has been getting a bit out of control prior to the 2nd DUI.

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR.

I'm really sorry you and your mom are going through this tough time. But I'm really glad you're facing up to the problem at such a young age. With time and effort, you can get through this, complete your degree, start a career, and be the kind of person you want to be. You may even be grateful for this moment. I was at my lowest when I decided to quit. Scared and hopeless. Now I think, Thank god for bottoms.

ReadyAndAble

Ooops, spoke to soon.

Well, only you can decide. I definitely didn't have the overwhelming desire to drink at your age. I was a periodic binge drinker. Fast forward 15 years, and I was drinking a lot. Every night. Alone. I was just thinking the other day, man... I had so many warning signs I ignored. So many things I thought were just bad decisions.

But that's just me. I hope you and your mom find some peace soon.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR!

Based on what you've said, in my opinion it sounds like drinking has caused some damage in your life. IMO, whether or not you are an alcoholic or you "have a problem" or whatever is irrelevant at this point, but you may want to consider if continuing to drink like this is something that would be in your best interest or not. Based on what you've said it sounds like your current pattern is hindering you from your larger goals in life, so why not just cut it out of your life.

The other option would be to try to moderate and see if it's possible for you. If you aren't able to have just a few, or if you don't have any interest in drinking like that then maybe abstinence is the best route to go.

Sorry you're going through such a tough time, but it sounds like you are doing a good job of facing your issues and dealing with them. Guilt can be a real killer, so try to forgive yourself if you can -- we all make mistakes, we're only human.

Whatever you decide to do you are welcome here for support!

OceanSize

Hi.
I am 38 years old, 10 days sober. I'm a binge drinker. i don't drink every day. I have gone without drinking in the past - but that's not entirely true. I'm realizing now that ..yes, i do always find an excuse for wine. And it's not everyday, so I kept it in the "collegiate" box of drinking. My other excuse? "I'm a lightweight" (that's how i would explain how i got so drunk so fast).

when i drink, i don't know how to stop. I think i know, so i set up a system - 2 drink maximum, and dared myself to "not drink" (sometimes with success) but what i've come to realize in the last 10 days in addition to knowing that I am an alcoholic, is that the minute i asked myself WTF (back when i was your age) i knew. I just did. I've known all this time. I've played with many ways to justify, change, and pretended to moderate it over and over. But after enough blackouts, embarrassments, shame, and questioning my behavior, it was painfully obvious - just not to me.

Until 10 days ago when i binged one night into oblivion, putting my job at risk and my life itself.

I'm just 10 days in, and i realize i've been trying to convince myself i have this disease under control in so many ways, for most of my life. "I'm not an alcoholic," i would say, "because I don't act like my idea of what an alcoholic should be and I don't drink everyday" And that's just BS. I'm an alcoholic because i drink the way i drink. I'm an alcoholic because i question it. I'm an alcoholic because the minute i take a sip of alcohol all bets are off, even if i think i'm under control. I'm an alcoholic because one more binge will kill me. I'm an alcoholic because I don't understand how people can drink "normally" without blacking out or feeling shame the next day.

2 nights ago at a meeting i bonded with a Hell's Angel because we suffer from the same disease, and our binge experiences are almost identical. Blackouts, flashbacks, shame, consequences, wretched dry heaves, depression. He's a **real** Hell's Angel. I am not. I'm not even close to being a Hell's Angel. And yet he and i, we share a disease, and that's that.

I'm an alcoholic. I cannot control my relationship with alcohol, even when I think i can.

I'm an alcoholic, i find celebratory reasons to drink, sad reasons to drink, social reasons to drink - and ultimately the same result takes place. And yet i continued to do it.

I'm an alcoholic, my drunk self has said and done things my sober self would never do. and it's happened time and time again. sometimes with many months between incidents. but without fail, it has happened time and time again.

i wish you so much happiness as you figure this out. I always wanted to admit it - but now that i'm on Step 1 (admitting...) I am realizing how hard it is to admit that I'm an alcoholic. But I am. And it's likely very few people who know me professionally have any clue. That's how good i am at being an alcoholic! However, I am a hair away from ruining my career, all because of alcohol. I have a problem.

Get out of your head, listen to your heart, trust your gut.

NobleCause

A DUI (or 2) will certainly create hurdles, but these are challenges that you can overcome with the proper effort, change and growth. Lots of folks - good, decent people, get thru this sort of thing, and so can you. My DUI resulted in a felony conviction (for the injuries) and a ton of press, so I naturally thought it meant the end of my life, professionally speaking. It's taken a few years, some explaining, and a lot of extra work, perseverance and creativity, but I'm back on track. These sorts of things can derail you or make things difficult for a bit, but they need not signal the end of your future. Keep your chin up and be honest and you'll find a way thru this. Best of luck to you.

psilyguy

DUI's can be a blessing in disguise. I had my second DUI almost one year ago today, but it took me 7 years of playing with hot fire before I got burned. Lost my license for 2 years and another year of supervised prob, 9 days in jail, and I could damn near put a $100k price tag on it in the end. Your still young, I'm 38. I wished I'd gotten in more trouble early on.

Now I can say I'm sober. If that DUI never would have happened I was on course to lose everything I had in my life. Your still young, and congrats for what you have achieved so far with sobriety.

stuckonstopped

Lot of great advice here and two Duis are not the end of the world. Certainly not very convenient but you sound like you are ready to take responsibility for your actions. I had two in the spam of two years when i was in my twenties and in the middle of college. I still finished, in engineering of all things, so it can be done. Instead of buying booze it was bus passes for about a year but when you want something bad enough I think you'll find the resources you need to make it through this. Unfortunately i guess I am a slow learner because once I approached graduation and had my license back and everything I thought I was just fine and went back to drinking for the next ten years.

I never did get another but surely could have had dozens in the meantime. It took a failed marriage for me to start taking this thing more seriously. Now I have four months clean but I sure wish I knew then what I know now. I guess I did know but chose to ignore. It's up to you to decide f y

stuckonstopped

....(fAt fingers).....

..If you are an alcoholic but you've obviously found yourself in the world of 'negative consequences' and it wouldn't hurt anything at all to not drink. good luck and hang in there.

sugarbear1

Search: aa, place you live

Any aa meetings may show up and call for any help

If you have a bus system, they may have a "trip planner" which will help with the bus route. If you don't have local busses, call that local aa phone and tell them you need help getting to a meeting. Someone should call you back.

Best wishes!

EN8686

How did you handle this issue at work interviews, with potential employers, etc?

I've been googling the subject to death and it just seems hopeless. Every answer I get tells me I can look forward to a career, flipping burgers.

ReadyAndAble

Well, in my experience if I Google anything that worries me, I inevitably get back links to worst case scenarios. Not long ago when I strained my shoulder, I searched under "shoulder pain" and was promptly informed that it's caused by lung cancer. Jeeesh.

Anyway, it's far from hopeless. Nothing is hopeless when you're young and healthy.

Have you thought anymore about the drinking itself? The DUI arrests are a consequence, not the cause. And for that reason, I suspect prospective employers might want to know whether you still drink...

EN8686

I have thought about the drinking. I think my challenge has to do with drinking in social situations. My experiences with alcohol consisted of going out with friends and getting bombed all night.

So, for now, I plan on not drinking at all at least until this whole situation clears up. Eventually, I want to see if I'm able to have a few drinks in a social setting without it becoming an all-night boos-fest. My ability to do that, or lack thereof, I think, will help me determine if I have a problem or not.

EN8686

**for some reason I couldn't edit my post so I posted again, adding more at the end**

I have thought about the drinking. I think my challenge has to do with drinking in social situations. My experiences with alcohol consisted of going out with friends and getting bombed all night.

So, for now, I plan on not drinking at all at least until this whole situation clears up. Eventually, I want to see if I'm able to have a few drinks in a social setting without it becoming an all-night boos-fest. My ability to do that, or lack thereof, I think, will help me determine if I have a problem or not.

But for the next 6 months at least, I plan on abstaining.

By next week, I will know what the likely consequences for the DUI will be. The night this happened, I had 6 beers over a 4 and a half hour period and stopped to get food in between. My lawyer looked at the video and I did pretty well on the sobriety tests and sounded perfectly sober. He's confident that I can win the actual DUI case but the hearing for my license suspension will be harder to win. My initial DUI was a supervision and not a conviction.

So my choices are either fight the DUI and the license suspension, hopefully win the criminal case even if I lose the license hearing, and come out of it with a 3-year suspension of my license but with no DUI going on my record. Or I can try to make a deal with the prosecution where I plead guilty to the DUI and they take away the 3-year suspension and instead revoke my license for 1-year and I'll be eligible for a hardship permit in 3 months. I've been debating these two choices for the last month and if anyone that has dealt with this has any perspective, I'd love to hear it. I'm in Illinois by the way.

Also, I'll be hearing back from my school counselor next week in regards to my status in the education program. I took this semester off so I could deal with this stuff but I'd love to go back to school in January. The hard part will be trying to commute from my house to the city for class and then back to the suburbs for my job.

Anyway, that's pretty much where I'm at. I'll keep posting here as interacting with people that have had similar situations is a huge help.

Dee74

Members can only edit for 15 minutes after they post EN.

I hope you can get back to school in January - I'm not in in IL. but I used to have to travel by train and bus there and back to college - took a couple of hours all up each way...you get used to it

D

sugarbear1

What'd you do after the first one? Where I live 3 equals a felony. I was told not everyone who gets one is an alcoholic. You decide for you. Best wishes!