Feel like Im gonna lose it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Tampa FL
Posts: 5
Feel like Im gonna lose it
Ok Im 17 days without. And Its not really getting any easier. Im having dreams about drinking. And when I wake up Im shaking for about an hour or so. My goal is to get to a month. But right now Im having a hard time with this. I wanna drink so damn bad. Im alil shakie. Im moody. Im not happy. And I hate that I know I would be so much happier is I got something to drink. Just to make the stress and the pain go away. To help deal with everything. But I have to be strong. But I feel so 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by MadDog85 
Ok Im 17 days without. And Its not really getting any easier. Im having dreams about drinking. And when I wake up Im shaking for about an hour or so. My goal is to get to a month. But right now Im having a hard time with this. I wanna drink so damn bad. Im alil shakie. Im moody. Im not happy. And I hate that I know I would be so much happier is I got something to drink. Just to make the stress and the pain go away. To help deal with everything. But I have to be strong. But I feel so
Would you be happier with yourself tomorrow? This shizz only seems to get harder the more we give into it!
Hope it gets easier for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
I really don't know what your situation is, but I'll tell you a little bit about mine as I quit.
For years before I quit, alcohol did nothing for me but make me severely depressed and feel like I was "less than" everyone else. It no longer gave me the sense of being powerful, in control and the social butterfly it made me believe I was while under the influence.
When I started to quit, those same awful cravings would hit me, and the lure to "stuff down the feelings" with booze were pretty strong. My mind would romanticize the drink, much like you are doing now.
Here's a recommendation made to me at the time, and I pass it on to you. I hope it is helpful.
"Keep playing the tape". What that means is if your mind keeps telling you what that drink will do for you, keep that thought rolling forward. Imagine, "I'll get drunk, my wife/husband will throw me out, I'll miss work and get fired, I'll be homeless etc." If you are anything like me, you will have a vast wealth of bad experiences to use to keep playing that tape out.
That method kept it green for me and reinforced the reasons why I wanted to quit in the first place.
The "in between" time from when I first stopped drinking until the cravings were removed permanently was conquered by NOT drinking. Feelings can't kill you, but long term, uncontrolled drinking can.
Please believe that it will get better in time, and hang on to hope; even if it is only by the tip of your pinkie finger. Whatever you do, don't pick up. The misery will certainly start all over again.
Keep busy; and keep posting. You can do this!
For years before I quit, alcohol did nothing for me but make me severely depressed and feel like I was "less than" everyone else. It no longer gave me the sense of being powerful, in control and the social butterfly it made me believe I was while under the influence.
When I started to quit, those same awful cravings would hit me, and the lure to "stuff down the feelings" with booze were pretty strong. My mind would romanticize the drink, much like you are doing now.
Here's a recommendation made to me at the time, and I pass it on to you. I hope it is helpful.
"Keep playing the tape". What that means is if your mind keeps telling you what that drink will do for you, keep that thought rolling forward. Imagine, "I'll get drunk, my wife/husband will throw me out, I'll miss work and get fired, I'll be homeless etc." If you are anything like me, you will have a vast wealth of bad experiences to use to keep playing that tape out.
That method kept it green for me and reinforced the reasons why I wanted to quit in the first place.
The "in between" time from when I first stopped drinking until the cravings were removed permanently was conquered by NOT drinking. Feelings can't kill you, but long term, uncontrolled drinking can.
Please believe that it will get better in time, and hang on to hope; even if it is only by the tip of your pinkie finger. Whatever you do, don't pick up. The misery will certainly start all over again.
Keep busy; and keep posting. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 393
Hey Mad Dog.
I had something to say, but Wellwisher was right on. I have 3 1/2 months, and have used the playing of the tape method. My tape: I will drink, pass out within a couple of hours, possibly have a severe headache, deeply depressed, stomach issues and bad bowel movements, while I'm on the toilet I'll be pissed that I threw away my sober time.
Need more? It's a long tape, and has two sides.
Anxiety through the roof, then you have to drink more to get out of the funk. Then, your back to drinking. This is just my solo album. There's the one when you involve the wife, girlfriend, mistress, family, friends, and kids.
Don't throw away your 17 days. A lot of people here would love to have that now. And everybody will tell you it gets better, and they are not lying.
I had something to say, but Wellwisher was right on. I have 3 1/2 months, and have used the playing of the tape method. My tape: I will drink, pass out within a couple of hours, possibly have a severe headache, deeply depressed, stomach issues and bad bowel movements, while I'm on the toilet I'll be pissed that I threw away my sober time.
Need more? It's a long tape, and has two sides.
Anxiety through the roof, then you have to drink more to get out of the funk. Then, your back to drinking. This is just my solo album. There's the one when you involve the wife, girlfriend, mistress, family, friends, and kids.
Don't throw away your 17 days. A lot of people here would love to have that now. And everybody will tell you it gets better, and they are not lying.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Man I do know how you feel. I had terrible PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) which are symptoms of withdrawal that last longer than the acute initial withdrawal. I had memory issues, diarrhea alternating with constipation, my skin dried out and I got dandruff for the first time in my life, and I seemed to not be able to sleep at night and stay awake during the day. I am a guy and never had any panic attacks or strange feelings but that first month was really a roller coaster ride. I als had more energy than I knew what to do with most of the time, and had a sweet tooth for hard candies that I never had before either.
I wasn't craving a drink hardly at all. But I did keep wondering if it was going to ever get better. The thought of a drink and relieving it was there for me too. Strong.
Here is what got me through. I stopped drinking because I HAD to have a shot in the morning, several, in my coffees as soon as I woke up to stop the shaking and the vomiting, and to slow the ache and throbbing hangover feeling.
That didn't work as still drinking I just got worse in my drinking and my shakes grew progressively worse in the mornings, which made me have to drink more to revive. Drinking the pain away is what got me in the trouble I was in in the first place! I quit, hoping I hadn't done so much damage that I could not get normal again.
So for those first few months I hung onto the thought that this was all from drinking, and if I drank again it would get worse and be harder the next time I tried to quit. So I decided that I'd rather die of withdrawal sober and with my self respect, than in a gutter drunk, and with no one's respect, least of all my own.
I got to the 24 hour drunk by drinking more when the results of my drinking hurt more in the mornings. I remembered that it took more and more to feel better in the mornings.
I decided it was easier to tough out the withdrawals than to go back to the pains and shakes of the mornings drinking. Not to mention that I think I would be dead right now had I not stuck it out.
If it was easy we wouldn't need each other like we do here.
Next month on September 21st I will celebrate one year of sobriety. Nothing could make me take one drink for any reason for the rest of my life. Nothing. NO teasing myself with wanting to see what it feels like to have just one. No kidding myself that I can be a normal drinker and stop after one or two which would be three then four then more.
I am not totally well. I did too much damage for that over the years. But I can live with my limits now, and don't want to add to them with another length of time time tearing my body and mind down even more.
You see I am here, and there are thousands more things I CAN do, than the few limitations I now have. Ok, so I won't ever run again. I can walk. My dogs think that is just fine by them!
It is tough I know. And you may be like me and have some residue forever. Making it worse only , well, makes it worse.
You do whatever works for you, but hanging in there is the most important. I used AA, In hospital detox, counseling, friends and family my docs, everything to get me to here. There are those that think their way is better than the way another chooses. I don't care what you believe, what you attend or not, so long as you believe in yourself now no matter what. It all gets better from there. I promise.
I wasn't craving a drink hardly at all. But I did keep wondering if it was going to ever get better. The thought of a drink and relieving it was there for me too. Strong.
Here is what got me through. I stopped drinking because I HAD to have a shot in the morning, several, in my coffees as soon as I woke up to stop the shaking and the vomiting, and to slow the ache and throbbing hangover feeling.
That didn't work as still drinking I just got worse in my drinking and my shakes grew progressively worse in the mornings, which made me have to drink more to revive. Drinking the pain away is what got me in the trouble I was in in the first place! I quit, hoping I hadn't done so much damage that I could not get normal again.
So for those first few months I hung onto the thought that this was all from drinking, and if I drank again it would get worse and be harder the next time I tried to quit. So I decided that I'd rather die of withdrawal sober and with my self respect, than in a gutter drunk, and with no one's respect, least of all my own.
I got to the 24 hour drunk by drinking more when the results of my drinking hurt more in the mornings. I remembered that it took more and more to feel better in the mornings.
I decided it was easier to tough out the withdrawals than to go back to the pains and shakes of the mornings drinking. Not to mention that I think I would be dead right now had I not stuck it out.
If it was easy we wouldn't need each other like we do here.
Next month on September 21st I will celebrate one year of sobriety. Nothing could make me take one drink for any reason for the rest of my life. Nothing. NO teasing myself with wanting to see what it feels like to have just one. No kidding myself that I can be a normal drinker and stop after one or two which would be three then four then more.
I am not totally well. I did too much damage for that over the years. But I can live with my limits now, and don't want to add to them with another length of time time tearing my body and mind down even more.
You see I am here, and there are thousands more things I CAN do, than the few limitations I now have. Ok, so I won't ever run again. I can walk. My dogs think that is just fine by them!
It is tough I know. And you may be like me and have some residue forever. Making it worse only , well, makes it worse.
You do whatever works for you, but hanging in there is the most important. I used AA, In hospital detox, counseling, friends and family my docs, everything to get me to here. There are those that think their way is better than the way another chooses. I don't care what you believe, what you attend or not, so long as you believe in yourself now no matter what. It all gets better from there. I promise.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Hi MadDog, Congrats on your 17 days, this is really awesome!
I am not sure how long you were drinking before you stopped but it would be a good idea to speak with your Doctor about what you are going through as well as finding some local in person meetings or support groups to help you get through these first weeks.
Keep on posting, talking and writing. What helped me was writing a list of reasons why I wanted to stop using. I could always look at my list when my mind started to go wild with thoughts of using. What also really helped me was doing 5 pushups every hour or walking around the block a few times. Exercise seems to really stop my brain from thinking negative thoughts.
Thanks for your post!
I am not sure how long you were drinking before you stopped but it would be a good idea to speak with your Doctor about what you are going through as well as finding some local in person meetings or support groups to help you get through these first weeks.
Keep on posting, talking and writing. What helped me was writing a list of reasons why I wanted to stop using. I could always look at my list when my mind started to go wild with thoughts of using. What also really helped me was doing 5 pushups every hour or walking around the block a few times. Exercise seems to really stop my brain from thinking negative thoughts.
Thanks for your post!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: England
Posts: 1,981
Hey maddog, just hang in there, It really does pass. You will only be back in the same place feeling as you do a little further down the line. Thats if you managed to get sober again. Trust me when I say it really does get harder each time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 8
hello MadDog.
I've been sober a while (10yrs) but I was always told, the person with the most sobriety is the one who got up earliest! it's 1 day at a time. you have 18 now?
thats mega mega cool. for me when i had cravings and stuff.... i went to a meeting, (sounds easy, but i remember the shakes and the claws in my belly...) really being around people that needed me, got me through. and WE do need YOu! everything YOUR going through right now, is keeping ME (and others) sober. don't worry about doing a month... it'll come. worry about a a day, an hour, a minet even a second! one at a time. and go to as many meetings as you can, and hang out with people from the program, get involved it'll take your mind off things. and your mind is a dangerous place to be on your own.
I've been sober a while (10yrs) but I was always told, the person with the most sobriety is the one who got up earliest! it's 1 day at a time. you have 18 now?
thats mega mega cool. for me when i had cravings and stuff.... i went to a meeting, (sounds easy, but i remember the shakes and the claws in my belly...) really being around people that needed me, got me through. and WE do need YOu! everything YOUR going through right now, is keeping ME (and others) sober. don't worry about doing a month... it'll come. worry about a a day, an hour, a minet even a second! one at a time. and go to as many meetings as you can, and hang out with people from the program, get involved it'll take your mind off things. and your mind is a dangerous place to be on your own.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 12
Hang in there, Mad Dog. I'm VERY familiar with drinking dreams. Last night, I had a dream that I drove into a parking lot, and some girl started talking to me through the window. Then I suddenly became absolutely trashed, and she was suddenly wearing a police uniform... then I woke up in a panic. That was at 3 am. It's 10:00 now, so I've been up for 7 hours with less than 4 hours sleep, and I'm just DRAGGING. I've had other dreams like that, but that one's fresh in my mind.
I think you can do this.
You have 14 days on me, but reading your post makes me feel a little less isolated. That probably doesn't help your situation much, but I thought I'd throw that out there.
I think you can do this.
You have 14 days on me, but reading your post makes me feel a little less isolated. That probably doesn't help your situation much, but I thought I'd throw that out there. New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by MadDog85
My goal is to get to a month.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
It does get easier, but you need to give it time. 2+ weeks is great, but how long were you drinking? It took me a few months before it became more natural not to drink than to drink. And every day that passes, one day at a time, it gets a little easier. Not every day is easy. Our default is to drink when something stressful, exciting, happy, sad, etc., happens. But you can do it.
Remind yourself why you are quitting. And if you feel the urge to drink, play it all the way through. Some say play the tape forward, others say think the drink through. It usually is not just one.
Good luck!
Remind yourself why you are quitting. And if you feel the urge to drink, play it all the way through. Some say play the tape forward, others say think the drink through. It usually is not just one.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Just offering my understanding and empathy for what you are dealing with. I've been there, am there, etc.
What really stinks is really if you do drink it doesn't help. I think the last time I drank I was thinking it would help and I'd get that warm high feeling but it never came. Instead I got buzzed for about 30 minutes and then I don't remember a darn thing. Basically it's not any fun anymore. It's poison and as much as the media and our own brain tells us "just one drink" or "I can control this, it will make me feel better." It isn't going to happen.
As a person in AA said, "i've never known a person to relapse and say it was fun." We are quiting because it's not fun anymore and it's deadly for us. I still have the thoughts you are having and I'm still told it will get better. That's all I have for now.
I wish you all the best and those now 18 days are great!
What really stinks is really if you do drink it doesn't help. I think the last time I drank I was thinking it would help and I'd get that warm high feeling but it never came. Instead I got buzzed for about 30 minutes and then I don't remember a darn thing. Basically it's not any fun anymore. It's poison and as much as the media and our own brain tells us "just one drink" or "I can control this, it will make me feel better." It isn't going to happen.
As a person in AA said, "i've never known a person to relapse and say it was fun." We are quiting because it's not fun anymore and it's deadly for us. I still have the thoughts you are having and I'm still told it will get better. That's all I have for now.
I wish you all the best and those now 18 days are great!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Tampa FL
Posts: 5
Man you got this. I was in pretty bad shape yesterday. But today is alil better. One thing that I have learned is that we have to stick together. We have to help eachother out. And I need to remember that too. WE can do this!
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