Shatoosh

After 4 weeks of not seeing my xAGF I went to see her a couple of days ago. I left there feeling good. I moved out of our apartment after things were getting worse and worse and they were not getting any better. After seeing her I wanted to move back in but my brain was telling me to give it time. She told me she was getting help and going to meetings. She told me she knows she can't drink at all, not even one. She told me she is waking up in the morning and feeling great. Everything she said is what I wanted to hear. I thought she finally realized that I wasn't going to put up with the sh$$ no more and that she really needs help. Maybe she still believes that but I'm not so sure.

I ran into one of her friends last night and during the conversation she asked why we broke up. She didn't know why. I asked her when she saw my X if she was drinking. She said, she wasn't drunk but she was drinking. Then her friend tried to back peddle and said, I don't know if she was drinking but I bought her a drink. I don't think it matters because she could of said no to the drink. It felt like my heart was ripped out my chest. One again the love of my life lied to me. Before knowing that she is still drinking I felt like our dream of being married and having a family was still there. This morning I felt crushed to find out that it might never happen. We had such a good conversation the other day. We talked about success stories and how she can bet this disease. I have close friends that use to drink and stopped it all for a better life. I knew it would be hard but I was willing to sacrifice alot for her, not sure at this time if she is willing to do the same.

I feel bad but maybe she needs this. My lease runs out at the end of next month and I don't plan on renewing it. I have a great support system and plan to stay at my moms until I figure out my next step. This will be the first time she will be on her own in a very long time. She doesn't have a job but I'm sure she will find a place to stay. I feel horrible about leaving her but maybe she needs this to hit rock bottom. I can't believe I was so stupid to think that she stopped drinking. I can't believe I was so stupid to think I could move back in and everything would be fine. Love is so blind!

Freedom1990

I am sorry for your pain. It doesn't sound like she's ready for recovery at all, and told you the things you wanted to hear, not the truth.

Take care of yourself first and foremost, my friend. No one else will do it for you.

Sending hugs of support!

SoaringSpirits

Someone here on SR told me that the way to deal with the alcoholic lying was to expect it. That has really helped me.

It's very painful to give up on a dream. The best thing you can do is back away from her and live your own life; your dream of marriage and a family is still very real, just probably not with her.

Shatoosh

So I shouldn't feel bad about having to give up our apartment and move on with my life? I thought me leaving would be enough for her to hit bottom but that does not seem to be the case. Lying is very hurtful but I guess that what they do. Thank you SR.

suki44883

A person's bottom doesn't come from outside sources. Look at how many alcoholics have lost their families, homes or jobs, but still drink. Wanting recovery comes from inside and nothing you do or say is going to bring that about any sooner than it will occur naturally. It may never happen, but we are not powerful enough to cause a person to want recovery from addiction.