whyme123

I Haven't updated my story lately but I most definitely have been here daily learning from the other posts.

Because my AH has been extremely passive aggressive, unavailable, and 60 miles away, for the greater part of last 2+ months I was given the time to really focus on MY life, MY wants, and MY recovery. He actually said about a month ago, that he wants his family back, but needs 2-3 months to work his life out - not in rehab, living with some random chick ... because that's how real life works! So as frustrating as it was not to hear back from him for days on and off, I realize now that it was actually a blessing that he wasn't in my face constantly creating drama!

What I've taken from SR is that the likelihood of my relationship miraculously turning around is slim to none, and that would be if he chooses to clean himself up. Well, I can't put my life on pause for a 'what if', so I decided to file for an Annulment.

Here's my dilemma - I scanned him a copy of the initial paperwork last week (no answer) texted him to follow up (no answer) left a voice-mail this week (finally got a response). He emailed back that he received my email and needed a day to look over things and he'd call me to discuss. So I give him the day, I call this morning and go straight to voice-mail so I leave a message demanding he call me back today to discuss him being served.

I'm crawling out of my skin, once he's served I don't have to everrrrr speak to him again and without speaking to him it will be impossible to serve. I'm so close to being free. I hate that this is not important enough for him call back promptly. Does anybody have any experiences or words to calm my nerves down?

tallgirl77

You say once he's served you never have to speak to him again, but then say without speaking to him it's impossible for him to be served. So, I'm not really sure what your saying here?

You don't have to speak to him in order for him to be found and served. Do you have a mutual friend or someone that knows him and his whereabouts that would be willing to serve him?

Freedom1990

I guess I'm confused on why it's impossible to have him served without talking to him again?

whyme123

I'm sorry I wasn't clearer. What I meant was I have to have contact with him to be served and after he is served there is nothing legally tying us together and I won't have to speak to him further. Nobody we mutually know has any idea where he is. Thank you all for responding so quickly!

Freedom1990

Thanks for the clarification. I thought you knew exactly where he was!

Sending you hugs of support!

Kindeyes

I am in the process of filing an antiharassment protection order on my exhusband (divorced him 28 years ago and he has recently decided to harass me). As the petitioner, I am not able to serve the documents on him (nor would I want to). It has to be someone else who is 18 years old +. So even to serve him, there is no need for you to see you soon-to-be ex. Take a friend and let them hand him the paperwork. And you can stay in the car.

Personally, I am hiring a process server to do it.

There are always choices. If you don't want to have to speak with him ever again, you don't have to.

gentle hugs
ke

whyme123

I'm shocked, I actually got a response! He will be back by home in two weeks to arrange service by a disinterested party (thank you kindeyes) ... fingers crossed!

whyme123

Very true Anvil and I've thought of this. Being in the legal field I have access to person search databases and other means of locating an individual, unfortunately that is only effective when someone changes their address, applies for credit, etc. I truly don't think that's the case here. If that fails, I am not above stalking.. but it's kinda hard to pin point one person in NYC!

whyme123

Thanks KC, that's my last last resort. It will cost upwards of $4K in newspaper fees.
I'm trying to stay positive, but, like Anvil says I have a plan b, c, and d up my sleeve!
You guys are great!

Freedom1990

Got to love those backup plans!

whyme123

Update: Boy did I open a big can of worms! I made the decision to move on, work on me. and not be legally bound to him because he was gone getting high doing whatever with whoever, had absolutely no regard for us, was emotionally and physically unavailable. It hasn't been a marriage for the last 2 months. And I actually just expected him to let me go.

Well now that he is aware that I'm really ending this marriage I have been bombarded with I'm getting help, going to classes, I love you, thinking about you, etc.

I have not changed my mind to move forward with the annulment. I know that really solid actions and honesty with proof would prove his recovery and he can tell me anything. That addicts lie.

I'm just so emotional, I see my husband shining through. I know the damage to our relationship is done and it would take a whole lot of work to get back, if ever, what we had. My heart and my head are not working together right now. Ultimately, I have to keep moving forward...

hello-kitty

He's quacking. quack. quack. quack. quack. quack.

Try this: Everytime he opens his mouth envision a big bubble the sound "blah... blah... blah..." coming out of it. Because his words mean nothing. He has proven that time and time again.

whyme123

Exactly my sentiments Anvil, an address would be really nice! I'm working on getting it.

I also owe you $$$ because we've progressed to the, would I be able to make room for him in my life again.

Thanks for the reality check hello-kitty and anvil! This is so hard. One step in front of the other - I've come too far to go back.