Feeling alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Feeling alone
Hi all, I haven't posted for a while but have been reading posts. I am having a bit of a rough time at the moment and just feel quite alone which is kinda ironic since I live in a house with 5 other people, admitedly 4 of them are children, but I feel alone as in everything I am going through. I quit again 4 days ago and have not had the best 4 days as you can imagine, a high amount of anxiety and irritablility being my worst problems.
My partner knows I want to quit drinking but doesn't really encourage me, I think mainly because he drinks way to much anyway and it makes him look at his own drinking. Anyway, he knows I haven't had a drink since Saturday and last night I was having pretty major anxiety to the point I thought I was going to have a heart attack or something. I am a pretty quiet person so wasn't really complaining or anything but he obviously could tell something was wrong as he asked me if I was alright, I just said I was feeling pretty crappy, he said, ill crappy, and I said no withdrawal crappy, he just said do you want me to pick you up some drink while I am at the shop!
Anyway he went to the shop bought his 3litres and I went to bed. I know its early days for me but I just don't know how to handle his drinking while I am quitting, it's hard enough as it is, without him drinking and always offering to go buy me some. Then this morning I get up with the baby and come down to find spilt drink, half cleaned up and the soggy towel just dumped on the sofa which now stinks of beer.
Yeah so anyway not really sure what I'm looking for in way of replies, think it's just good to get it of my chest, like I said feel quite alone in all this at the moment.
Good news though, my anxiety seems a bit better today, and I don't feel like I am going to die, my head feels like its stuffed with cotton wool though
My partner knows I want to quit drinking but doesn't really encourage me, I think mainly because he drinks way to much anyway and it makes him look at his own drinking. Anyway, he knows I haven't had a drink since Saturday and last night I was having pretty major anxiety to the point I thought I was going to have a heart attack or something. I am a pretty quiet person so wasn't really complaining or anything but he obviously could tell something was wrong as he asked me if I was alright, I just said I was feeling pretty crappy, he said, ill crappy, and I said no withdrawal crappy, he just said do you want me to pick you up some drink while I am at the shop!
Anyway he went to the shop bought his 3litres and I went to bed. I know its early days for me but I just don't know how to handle his drinking while I am quitting, it's hard enough as it is, without him drinking and always offering to go buy me some. Then this morning I get up with the baby and come down to find spilt drink, half cleaned up and the soggy towel just dumped on the sofa which now stinks of beer.
Yeah so anyway not really sure what I'm looking for in way of replies, think it's just good to get it of my chest, like I said feel quite alone in all this at the moment.
Good news though, my anxiety seems a bit better today, and I don't feel like I am going to die, my head feels like its stuffed with cotton wool though
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
good to see you back Sax and congratulations on the 4 days
I think getting sober and staying that way is hard for anyone - having a partner who drinks certainly doesn't make it any easier, but I don't think it's a dealbreaker.
You'll find a lot of people here in your situation who nevertheless stay sober
Bottom line is if you really want to give it up, you can, and you will - I think the more support you find for yourself the easier you would find things tho.
Whether it's AA or some other group, or counselling, or whatever - even if it's just posting here regularly again...
the more work you put into your recovery the more you'll get out of it Sax
you can do this
D
I think getting sober and staying that way is hard for anyone - having a partner who drinks certainly doesn't make it any easier, but I don't think it's a dealbreaker.
You'll find a lot of people here in your situation who nevertheless stay sober
Bottom line is if you really want to give it up, you can, and you will - I think the more support you find for yourself the easier you would find things tho.
Whether it's AA or some other group, or counselling, or whatever - even if it's just posting here regularly again...
the more work you put into your recovery the more you'll get out of it Sax
you can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
you are not alone!!!
congrats on your decision to stop drinking. it's a big dea!l Life saving choice, really.
I'm new to the realization that i have a drinking problem. I never thought of myself this way. I knew, but I didn't know.
There are so many complicated elements to a relationship. But it's amazing and admirable that you were able to turn down the offer of alcohol.
Patterns in relationships take a long time to change - Not that I'm an expert. I was finally where i wanted to be with my partner and just 7 days ago, i blew it because i took a drink, and another and then so many that i blacked out berated him all night and i think i even told him things that were deep in my mind, that maybe i feel weird about, strange crushes i've had when things haven't been good - stuff my therapist says is healthy - but i dumped it all on him in some delusional angry way, i think (i don't really remember) and all of it distorted with alcohol. So it's s a drinking episode in which i mistreated my partner (who i love) which brought me to my knees, and into sobriety today. And by the way, today is only day 8. but guess what - it's already a little better.
I miss my partner terribly (he is not speaking to me) but right now I'm also relieved that I finally get to tackle this problem that i totally denied.
life is already a bit better because i know that i am free of alcohol. but the circumstances around me which trigger me to drink are still there - and not going away anytime soon.
My drinking "partner" is my habit of drinking at conferences, which i frequently attend for work,and very often speak at, too. There's another conference in 3 weeks, and I have to go because I'm giving a presentation. So in just 3 weeks it will be staring me in the face.
And no matter how many times i refuse a drink during that social hour, people who know me as one who drinks will try to cajole me into a glass of wine.
it won't be the first time that I've said no to them, but this is the first time that I have really known, admitted, realized my problem, so now everything around me looks a little different.
Sorry to go off here, but my point is - it's complicated. I don't know your partner, or the dynamics of the relationship, but it will take time to form new behaviors around familar situations. It could be that your partner doesn't know how else to interact with you, or himself. but whatever the case - Congrats to you!
I understand the lonelies (hello, it's almost 3am why am i awake) but truly you are not alone
congrats on your decision to stop drinking. it's a big dea!l Life saving choice, really.
I'm new to the realization that i have a drinking problem. I never thought of myself this way. I knew, but I didn't know.
There are so many complicated elements to a relationship. But it's amazing and admirable that you were able to turn down the offer of alcohol.
Patterns in relationships take a long time to change - Not that I'm an expert. I was finally where i wanted to be with my partner and just 7 days ago, i blew it because i took a drink, and another and then so many that i blacked out berated him all night and i think i even told him things that were deep in my mind, that maybe i feel weird about, strange crushes i've had when things haven't been good - stuff my therapist says is healthy - but i dumped it all on him in some delusional angry way, i think (i don't really remember) and all of it distorted with alcohol. So it's s a drinking episode in which i mistreated my partner (who i love) which brought me to my knees, and into sobriety today. And by the way, today is only day 8. but guess what - it's already a little better.
I miss my partner terribly (he is not speaking to me) but right now I'm also relieved that I finally get to tackle this problem that i totally denied.
life is already a bit better because i know that i am free of alcohol. but the circumstances around me which trigger me to drink are still there - and not going away anytime soon.
My drinking "partner" is my habit of drinking at conferences, which i frequently attend for work,and very often speak at, too. There's another conference in 3 weeks, and I have to go because I'm giving a presentation. So in just 3 weeks it will be staring me in the face.
And no matter how many times i refuse a drink during that social hour, people who know me as one who drinks will try to cajole me into a glass of wine.
it won't be the first time that I've said no to them, but this is the first time that I have really known, admitted, realized my problem, so now everything around me looks a little different.
Sorry to go off here, but my point is - it's complicated. I don't know your partner, or the dynamics of the relationship, but it will take time to form new behaviors around familar situations. It could be that your partner doesn't know how else to interact with you, or himself. but whatever the case - Congrats to you!
I understand the lonelies (hello, it's almost 3am why am i awake) but truly you are not alone
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 95
I'm right there with ya Saxony - I am in the midst of this madness right now. My husband was doing the same things in the beginning. Now he tells me that he is proud of me. He has not cut back on his drinking at all. I get truly annoyed when he is drunk now and have to bite my tongue or I will do more damage than good. I'm trying to be an example.
As for the anxiety - I too get severe anxiety episodes where it feels like a heart attack. I try to calm down and breathe deep for a bit and it usually passes. First week was tough, now things are settling down. Day 19 for me.
All the best to you!!
As for the anxiety - I too get severe anxiety episodes where it feels like a heart attack. I try to calm down and breathe deep for a bit and it usually passes. First week was tough, now things are settling down. Day 19 for me.
All the best to you!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
