caughthiminject

I know it's not logical. I know it's like accusing the "other woman" when a man cheats. But just working one day with this guy is all it took for my boyfriend to come home and shoot speed. Where does he get off giving away speed to someone and effectively ruining my boyfriend's life and my life and killing any chance of us ever having the rest of our relationship? Two years I've been with my boyfriend and I love him so much. I can't ever take him back, I refuse to be with an IV drug user. Okay, technically it's not this man's fault. He is an addict too - he was sharing his drugs. My boyfriend would take drugs from anyone because he's just that way. But damn I'm angry. I never met that guy but he had a direct effect on why I haven't slept in two nights worrying about where my drug-addict boyfriend is. He had a direct effect on the pain that will come to pass for my boyfriend and his whole family. He's still gone, he hasn't come back, he's not going to work, no one knows where he is.

xwaitingx

i have felt similar to the way you feel about this. my boyfriend has so many enablers in his life. his uncle started him on coke when he had just started high school. he quit that, and hasn't gone back since. but the anger of knowing that someone who should be helping him, and leading him to positive behavior was the one who taught him that made me very angry. i know he is also an addict but it doesn't take away the anger. his parents also allow him to smoke marijuana and have done nothing to stop him.
of course, as we all know, it is the person who makes the decision to use who is ultimately to blame for the use.
but enablers are very frustrating.

JMFburns

Sometimes it is hard to be angry with those we love or to believe that the ones we love the most are responsible for their own behaviour because I thnik then we would have to face them for who they really are . . . a drug addict.

I know for me it meant I couldn't make excuses for my son anymore, I couldn't continue to enable him, I had to take off the rose colored glasses and really stand up for myself.

dollydo

Yes, you are correct, your anger is illogical. However, that is what we codies do, we create excuses to support our addicts illogical behavior, to not make it their fault. If he were not an addict, working with this guy would not have been an issue.

Move forward with your life, your abf is an adult, it is his problem to resolve.

Freedom1990

I know too well the sleepless nights when EXAH would disappear for days on end.

Thank God I don't have to live that way anymore. I walked away as soon as I got out of rehab myself.

EXAH died at the tender age of 47, complications due to AIDS which he got from sharing needles.

Kindeyes

I do understand how you feel. I was angry at the young woman my AS met in out patient treatment.....but then I thought.....I bet her Mom is angry at my son. They relapsed together.

Set your boundaries and let go of the outcome.

gentle hugs
ke

caughthiminject

thank you for being here. he came back this morning - it's in my other thread. i did say, "tell that guy he ruined both our lives" -- and he said it's not that guy's fault. that he just couldn't say no. and it's right. i mean i have been offered drinks, drugs, cigarettes. i have the ability to say no and always have. he's just got an addictive personality and all it took was to see it. he said he was going to save it for a rainy day (like that makes it better) but couldn't resist doing all of it when he got home. hiding in the garage doing it, while i was upstairs cooking dinner.

NotSoSmart

Yesterday I entertained a little fantasy of going to the home where my AGF would get her stuff and letting both of them have it.

It used to **** her off when she'd call them her friends and I'd call them her dealers. Almost 45 days sober she now calls them dealers too.