Caught boyfriend injecting speed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 75
Caught boyfriend injecting speed
I don't know why I'm writing here other than it's 3am and I have no one to talk to. I met my boyfriend two years ago. He was a heavy drinker. To be honest, I am sure he's an alcoholic. He had DUIs before I met him and admitted drug use. He drinks daily, at least a sixpack and more like two of those. Sometimes he drinks all night into the day. I knew he had done drugs ten years ago but he said he wouldn't do them again.
He started smoking kronic (synthetic marajuana that used to be legal in australia). when it became illegal, he moved to hush. i looked it up and it's legal incense and mostly a placebo effect.
Last night he came home from work and was acting strangely distant. I knew he had an encounter with a man from his drug days at his job. By 4am he was still awake and i found him in the living room masturbating to porn on his laptop. he walked around all night. i confronted him about drugs and he kept saying no. then he finally admitted he had taken speed. i asked him how and he said orally.
i had a feeling, and i went through his things. i found an injectable solution and the wrapper from a needle and an alcohol swab with blood on it. i confronted him and he got in his car and drove away, leaving me at his house. i live in another country and my flight doesn't leave for another week. so i can't go anywhere.
he didn't go to work and i called all his family, who have been very supportive. i am staying with his mom and grandmother. he never returned. no one knows where he is.
i don't even smoke, drink or eat meat. i've never known anyone who did drugs or drank like this. i'm horrified that he was injecting drugs. obviously this relationship cannot continue. i am so upset. it's two years of being with him and we're not kids either. i'm 37 and he's 34. i couldn't stay with someone who injects drugs though. i'm so horrified.
and so i hope that maybe someone can say something to make me feel ok. i should have left knowing how much he drank. i feel like a fool. and betrayed and hurt and lied to. and lonely and sad.
He started smoking kronic (synthetic marajuana that used to be legal in australia). when it became illegal, he moved to hush. i looked it up and it's legal incense and mostly a placebo effect.
Last night he came home from work and was acting strangely distant. I knew he had an encounter with a man from his drug days at his job. By 4am he was still awake and i found him in the living room masturbating to porn on his laptop. he walked around all night. i confronted him about drugs and he kept saying no. then he finally admitted he had taken speed. i asked him how and he said orally.
i had a feeling, and i went through his things. i found an injectable solution and the wrapper from a needle and an alcohol swab with blood on it. i confronted him and he got in his car and drove away, leaving me at his house. i live in another country and my flight doesn't leave for another week. so i can't go anywhere.
he didn't go to work and i called all his family, who have been very supportive. i am staying with his mom and grandmother. he never returned. no one knows where he is.
i don't even smoke, drink or eat meat. i've never known anyone who did drugs or drank like this. i'm horrified that he was injecting drugs. obviously this relationship cannot continue. i am so upset. it's two years of being with him and we're not kids either. i'm 37 and he's 34. i couldn't stay with someone who injects drugs though. i'm so horrified.
and so i hope that maybe someone can say something to make me feel ok. i should have left knowing how much he drank. i feel like a fool. and betrayed and hurt and lied to. and lonely and sad.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
Im so sorry to read this. And even more sorry that you're somewhere unfamiliar feeling so alone.
I dont think anyone here will have the magic post that you'll read and feel better. I think they'll all likely say to get on that plane and never look back. Which I'd probably agree with. But with time, and information about addiction and everything it entails, you'll feel better. Its not your fault. You're already thinking more clearly than a lot of people who catch loved ones using.
"Obviously this relationship cannot continue" <-- surprising coming from someone who isnt familiar with addicts. but you're RIGHT.
hugs. keep your head up. more people will have better things to say than me!
I dont think anyone here will have the magic post that you'll read and feel better. I think they'll all likely say to get on that plane and never look back. Which I'd probably agree with. But with time, and information about addiction and everything it entails, you'll feel better. Its not your fault. You're already thinking more clearly than a lot of people who catch loved ones using.
"Obviously this relationship cannot continue" <-- surprising coming from someone who isnt familiar with addicts. but you're RIGHT.
hugs. keep your head up. more people will have better things to say than me!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am sorry, however, I am also glad that you are flying back home.
He is sick, and, there is nothing you can do for him. It is all up to him.
Is there anyone else that you can stay with? Or, as Anvil said, can you move your flight up?
The bottom line is, get out of there as quickly as you can.
He is sick, and, there is nothing you can do for him. It is all up to him.
Is there anyone else that you can stay with? Or, as Anvil said, can you move your flight up?
The bottom line is, get out of there as quickly as you can.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 75
I'm with his mom and grandma. I am trying to sort changing the flight. Mostly I'm trying to sleep and eat. I feel quite sick over things and trying to fly 2 days to get home isn't going to be good in this state. Thanks for responding. Just to know that other people are out there, to vent, to have some interaction - it helps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 75
He lives in Australia and I live in Thailand. We've been together 2 years and about 13 months living together solid in Australia. I know all his family and they have been very supportive.
Thank god I insist on condoms 100% of the time, and I made him get tested after we met. That part of it is what horrifies me the most. That he's injecting.
He came back this morning and begged my forgiveness. Then he said he'll never do it again. He realized how much he loves me and he doesn't want to take drugs. Then he said that it's my fault for being nosy (um the wacking off all night and stomping around the house wasn't a clue to look for the drugs?). Then he blamed me for telling his whole family - I am ALONE in this country apart from them, so who else is going to help me? Then he said he couldn't afford to change my flight because he spent $xxx on the drugs and a lot on an expensive hotel for 3 nights. He wanted me to go back to the hotel with him. He wanted me to spend the day with him. He accused me of dumping him at his first mistake. He said it was just speed not heroin. He said all these things that just sounded like a bunch of crap. Because every time I looked at him all I could see was the needle package and bloody alcohol swipe. And he admitted to doing a few injections in the house, and in the hotel yesterday as he was coming down. It wasn't some accident. And I love him. I really do. And it's so painful. But what am I supposed to do with that? How can I ever believe anything he says again? How do I know he wasn't high right now? He's gone back to the hotel and is sending me his credit card details to change my flight. His mom is going to take me to the airport. How dare he turn it all around on me? He says it's not serious. He says I'm a prude. Excuse me but INJECTING SPEED??? How is that okay? Yeah, I'm slightly prudish. But I would say the average human being would not accept that. And I'm so angry at him that he can make me feel so ****** and try to make it my fault that we broke up. HE CHOSE to end us when he bought and slammed that stuff into his arm. How dare he say that I'm leaving him for nothing.
Thank god I insist on condoms 100% of the time, and I made him get tested after we met. That part of it is what horrifies me the most. That he's injecting.
He came back this morning and begged my forgiveness. Then he said he'll never do it again. He realized how much he loves me and he doesn't want to take drugs. Then he said that it's my fault for being nosy (um the wacking off all night and stomping around the house wasn't a clue to look for the drugs?). Then he blamed me for telling his whole family - I am ALONE in this country apart from them, so who else is going to help me? Then he said he couldn't afford to change my flight because he spent $xxx on the drugs and a lot on an expensive hotel for 3 nights. He wanted me to go back to the hotel with him. He wanted me to spend the day with him. He accused me of dumping him at his first mistake. He said it was just speed not heroin. He said all these things that just sounded like a bunch of crap. Because every time I looked at him all I could see was the needle package and bloody alcohol swipe. And he admitted to doing a few injections in the house, and in the hotel yesterday as he was coming down. It wasn't some accident. And I love him. I really do. And it's so painful. But what am I supposed to do with that? How can I ever believe anything he says again? How do I know he wasn't high right now? He's gone back to the hotel and is sending me his credit card details to change my flight. His mom is going to take me to the airport. How dare he turn it all around on me? He says it's not serious. He says I'm a prude. Excuse me but INJECTING SPEED??? How is that okay? Yeah, I'm slightly prudish. But I would say the average human being would not accept that. And I'm so angry at him that he can make me feel so ****** and try to make it my fault that we broke up. HE CHOSE to end us when he bought and slammed that stuff into his arm. How dare he say that I'm leaving him for nothing.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Begging your forgiveness then blaming you for the whole thing. Typical addict behavior. I'm glad you decided to go home. You deserve so much more than that kind of treatment. Stay strong, hon. You're worth it. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
Caught - send me a private message when you get a chance and update me on your situation. My Abf shoots up oxycontin, so I may be able to help you out here, or at least make you feel less alone since I am going through a similar situation.
Send me a message anytime - I would love to help you in any way I can.
Send me a message anytime - I would love to help you in any way I can.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I'm sorry for your situation. There is nothing you can do to help him and he has treated you very badly. You'll feel better when you get home to your family. You should not be beating yourself up for this. I know it hurts but this is a HUGE opportunity for you to learn from your choices. A chance for you to grow. This is not the end of the world, even though it may feel like it. This is your second chance.
Thank god you found out who he really was before you wasted anymore time on him.
We are hear for you if you need to talk.
I hope you get home safely and soon.
Thank god you found out who he really was before you wasted anymore time on him.
We are hear for you if you need to talk.
I hope you get home safely and soon.
ThatLittleGirl
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 273
get on that plane and never look back. - I totally agree...run far and fast!
I am so sorry you are going through this and without much support. It's a difficult and painful position to be in. As has been said previously, there is no magic answer that will make it all go away. A quote in my sig says it best..."The best way out is always through"...You will make it, but to do so, you will have to experience the emotions that come with it. I am so sorry!
Stick around SR...read the stickys and threads that are here! The support of this forum is amazing. I will tell you to trust your gut on this. I know two years seems like a long time, but it's infinitely better than ten or twenty. At least you aren't married with kids. I would encourage you to read my threads to see what happens when you get involved that deeply with an addict. The pain, when seen through the eyes of your kids, is infinitely more painful than what you can experience singularly.
You have the hope of a new day...and meeting that someone who respects you and loves you...that's what you deserve! I wish you the best!!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this and without much support. It's a difficult and painful position to be in. As has been said previously, there is no magic answer that will make it all go away. A quote in my sig says it best..."The best way out is always through"...You will make it, but to do so, you will have to experience the emotions that come with it. I am so sorry!
Stick around SR...read the stickys and threads that are here! The support of this forum is amazing. I will tell you to trust your gut on this. I know two years seems like a long time, but it's infinitely better than ten or twenty. At least you aren't married with kids. I would encourage you to read my threads to see what happens when you get involved that deeply with an addict. The pain, when seen through the eyes of your kids, is infinitely more painful than what you can experience singularly.
You have the hope of a new day...and meeting that someone who respects you and loves you...that's what you deserve! I wish you the best!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Begging your forgiveness then blaming you for the whole thing. Typical addict behavior.
We all have to take accountability for our own behavior and there is where it stops. Our behavior cannot "cause" someone elses behavior. We get to own ours. They get to own theirs. This game will go on and on and on as long as we allow it to.
And name calling? Prude? Why? Because you don't shoot up speed? I'd venture to guess that there are a whole bunch of people out there who are prudes if that's the qualifying factor!
I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Emotional pain hurts worse than any physical pain or so it seems at the time.
gentle hugs from another prude (I guess I qualify;-)
ke
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
I, for one, again, am pleasantly surprised at your initial reaction... In my experience its atypical of loved ones of addicts, and its RIGHT. You're right. You CAN'T trust him. you DON'T know if he was high when he said all this.
Right as I was thinking "what about giving him at least 1 shot to go to rehab and recover" I read the part where he shifts the blame and says its your fault etc. etc. Even if you GAVE him the chance, that proves he wouldn't take it seriously, if at all.
It sounds harsh but if I were you I would make that the last contact you have with him. These things hurt more when you concern yourself with "how are they doing?" and even answering calls or reading/listening to messages. Just cut it off 100%.
Though I don't want to speak for people who don't want to be spoken for, I and probably everyone else in here can guarantee you its infinity times better for you in the long run.
Right as I was thinking "what about giving him at least 1 shot to go to rehab and recover" I read the part where he shifts the blame and says its your fault etc. etc. Even if you GAVE him the chance, that proves he wouldn't take it seriously, if at all.
It sounds harsh but if I were you I would make that the last contact you have with him. These things hurt more when you concern yourself with "how are they doing?" and even answering calls or reading/listening to messages. Just cut it off 100%.
Though I don't want to speak for people who don't want to be spoken for, I and probably everyone else in here can guarantee you its infinity times better for you in the long run.
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