LittleChris

Hi all,

So this passed week I slipped twice - once on Thursday with 2 bottles of wine and another on Sunday with lord knows how many drinks (after 5 1/2 months sober). Thursday I was drinking alone and I realized how boring it was to be with myself drunk. But after relapsing, I thought screw it and drank with a friend on Sunday. I don't remember what happened...I don't remember my friend saying goodbye to me but pretty sure he left me at the bar. Of course I take full responsiblity for my actions, however, I was a little disappointed that my friend who knows I'm struggling to get clean let me stay in the bar alone. Little to say, getting home was extremely scary.

I'm back on day one (Monday I ended up buying some beer to curve the hangover)...and am feeling the effects of my slip. My depression is strong, my body still hurts. I went to AA last night and got a sponser, so I'm going to try to take the program a bit more seriously in hopes that I dont have another slip. I think part of me though was curious if I really was an alcoholic since it was my first attempt at recovery. I now know for sure that I am, though, I still struggle with the acceptance part of it. Any suggestions on how to accept and therefore not relapse?

artsoul

Hi LittleChris -

I think it's pretty normal to have doubts about being an alcoholic. There are still times when I don't "feel" like one.... It's obvious, though, that I'm not able to be a social drinker (take it or leave it), and my attempts to control it have failed over and over again.

There are stages of alcoholism, so it's more of a continuum. If you have a hard time giving up alcohol, that alone should tell you something. Blackouts, too.....

Sounds like you're making some good plans. You can do it......

Anna

It's hard to convince yourself that you are addicted to alcohol, but you're right that you do have to accept that fact in order to recover. I had to make the decision that alcohol was no longer an option, ever. When I did that, my mind began to work to find more healthy ways to get through problems.

I'm glad that you're seeking support.

shakti

Day 1 for me too. I'm glad you are here.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your troubles Chris, but I'm glad you're back with us

As for how you reach acceptance?

I simply had to accept that drinking and I were not meant to be...
I had a mountain of evidence that proved that to me finally and eventually....

I hope you'll be satisfied with a smaller mountain than I was

D

Hevyn

LittleChris - I did that quite a few times & almost lost my life proving to myself that I simply can't touch the stuff. Oh how I wanted it to be different - but I was at the point where continuing was threatening my life. I was in serious danger every time I played with it.

It looks like the slips were valuable for you - you're making some good plans. I'm so glad you're pulling yourself together & have a new determination. You can do this, there's no doubt!

WreckedExec

I'm so sorry you slipped but don't let it get you down. I'm doing things differently this time. I'm trying not to focus on how much time I have, but just appreciating the current day I have sober. I'm not picking up chips or celebrating anniversaries. I know it's weird and probably not taken well, but try to look at it like you are on a diet that you've been on for 5.5 months and you lost 40lbs. Thursday you ate a whole cake and Sunday you ate 3 big macs.. Sure you slipped, maybe gained a pound, but you didn't lose the rest of all the hard work you did in those five and a half months. Hope that makes sense. I'm trying to focus on the progress and not slips

SSIL75

By the time I really accepted my alcoholism, it was a relief. Never again did I have to obsess about it!

The easiest way for me to accept it was to realize that a normal person wouldn't fight so freaking hard to keep drinking.

I was never a normal drinker and I never would be. Relief!!!