esyla

i have 79 days sober, and i want to start working the steps. i had a temp sponsor, who said she wanted me to wait until i got to 90 days to start so i could "get used to living sober." i understand and respect that everyone does it differently, but i really wanted to start. not like i want to run through them, i just want to begin already! i want to be actively working.

as ive mentioned in my few other intro posts tonight, things did not work out with the temp and today we decided to cut things off. so now i'm sponsorless and frustrated. i have "a women's way through the 12 steps workbook" and i'm so tempted to start working through step 1 on my own! but i guess we're not really supposed to do that, huh?

this really sucks. it really really does. ive been dying to start my stepwork and was really planning on begging her to start me out right away on day90, lol. now i feel like i'm back at square one.. sigh..

Threshold

Well, some may yell and scream at me, but I say...do what you gotta do to recover. The NA 12 step workbook is a good place to start. I think it is very possible to get a good solid start to things by reading the texts, green and gold book, and the workbook and starting to write.

When you get a sponsor, they may well ask you to start again, so what? You'll have done some sober time really thinking and writing on the steps.

It can be tricky to find a sponsor, or sometimes their lives erupt to and can get their sponsees hung up while the sponsor deals with their own life, etc. It is YOUR recovery. Pray, get support, remember why you are doing this. The steps aren't magic. Just rushing through won't bring you instant relief and an assured sobriety. Working them, as in doing the reading and writing, is a great start, but it is necessary to apply the principles in all areas of life to get the real life changing benefits.

Having a sponsor helps us stay honest and humble, and helps keep us in our skin when we feel we are flying apart. They help us learn to apply the principles in our lives. But there is much we must and can do on our own.

Have you read the basic text cover to cover? If not, that is a great place to start while you pray for a sponsor to come into your life. Not at a point where praying makes any sense...that's fine, read in the Basic text how others handled it.

The IP's are great reading material too.

And of course stay tied in here too!

esyla

oh oh i dont want to rush through! i know they wont bring me this "ok, now youre all better" feeling lol. i just want to get started. i truly want to begin the process of bettering myself. ive been told for so long that the steps are the way to achieve that, so i just want to get started. if it takes me 3 years, 6, 10 years to get through that stepwork, i don't care about that part. what i care about is that no matter how long it takes, the sooner i start, the sooner i will be able to begin applying those principles into my every day life.

i also have a lot of guilt that i need to work through. ive always had a lot of guilt, both unwarranted and deserved, and that's been a huge source of anxiety in my life. i try so hard to work through it in therapy and such, but my psych really believes i'll be better equipped to deal with it through stepwork and sponsorship.

as for the big book, no, i havent read it cover to cover. ive read some of it. i'll be honest, i love to read, and i never used to read more than one book at a time, but now i do. drug memoirs (more, now, again by elizabeth wurtzel is my favorite if anyone's interested!), the basic text, a book called twenty-five words that breaks down the serenity prayer into parts and goes into detail about exactly what it means and how to apply and live it.. i like to get my information from a variety of angles i def will get through the basic text, is that a precursor to stepwork?

i think i probably will start to look a bit on my own at the first step when i have some real time to sit down and think about it. you're right, who cares if i have to do it again? can't hurt.

thanks for the insight

oh yeah, there's also "living the program".. not sure if that's an ip or not but i think so? i found it online anyway, it's worksheets for a daily journal. i'vebeen meaning to print them out and start working on that. that's probably a better place for me to start. i need to make myself a reminder to print some of those off tomorrow! thanks for the reminder about ips! i keep forgetting i wanted to do that.

Missybuns

Maybe start by reading about our symbol. Write down where you see yourself in our symbol. That will give you some practice in reading the literature and then writing about your part in it. Meanwhile, find yourself a sponsor. Welcome to SR.

esyla

ive read about it that's an interesting idea though. thanks.

i had a sponsor until yesterday - if you can call her that. she was never available, didn't want me to work steps yet, and looking back she doesn't follow a program that i want for myself, anyway. i'll be actively looking for a new one, but i'm giving myself a bit of time away from the meetings for now. i'm going to start going in a different area from now on.

Missybuns

Ok just keep going. Let us know how we can help, anytime.

sugarbear1

Pray for the right sponsor....

bmur1489

I have been posting about this same thing. I understand how a sponsor is important and can be a great help. What I don't quite get is why some say you shouldn't work the steps by yourself or why you should wait to do them. I get that they have experience, but isn't really taking a close look at yourself something you should be able to do alone if you want? Also, when the first AA and NA programs were started, I would think that they didn't have any sponsors to show them how the steps worked, and therefore they had to just dive into them and work them on their own. I am new here and new to the steps. So, I do not want to sound aggressive or judgemental, as I myself am just starting on my road to recovery. I need advice and guidance and am more searching for answers than anything. Also, 1 issue that I have is that I've heard about the idea of waiting a certain period of time after being clean before starting the steps. This is scary to me because I can't just stop using for a period of time and remain clean. I understand that there is no quick fix solution, but once I am clean I would like to start the steps as soon as possible to begin implementing them into my life. I just don't get it I guess. It makes me want to not even try the steps because it sounds like you have to get and stay clean for a long time, only to then begin working the steps which also take time to start practicing them in your life. I have tried NA meetings, but found a sponsor who was not helpful. So, I left and now there aren't any meetings close to me, accept for the one where the unhelpful sponsor was at. So, I don't know what to do.