Newtosoberlivin

hi all, I went to my regular noontime meeting today. I didn't like it a bit. One man I had met last week, came back in, stumbling, with the shakes bigtime (he really went on a bad bender, to the point where he could have gotten killed had his tire not blown out). I told him that by talking to him, he was helping me, even though it was awful to see him that way. He was clutching a jug of water, his eyes were all bleary and he told me he just didn't want to live anymore. A very sad sight and a very sad guy. It bummed me out although a lot of people were surrounding him, that he was being so hard on himself.

Also, there was a newer guy in the meeting today sitting next to me, probably about my age (may or may not be new, at least I have never seen him before). His head was bowed in his hands and/or on his lap the entire time and he looked very ashamed and like he was ready to cry a few times. I really wanted to say something to him, but didn't, as I wasn't sure WHAT to say if that makes any sense.

On the one hand, it's good to get to meetings etc. On the other, I feel so damn LOST I don't know what the next step is supposed to be, especially after stating very clearly i NEED a sponsor, even a temporary one would be fine, but nothing has come of that.

Sometimes it feels like the best place in the world to be at these meetings. Other times like today, I am thinking "doesn't anyone SEE these people? Don't they care? Nobody is reaching out or asking how they are doing. Are they blind?" I myself have been on the verge of tears nearly every time the Lord's Prayer is recited at the close of the meeting, doesn't anyone see this? Do they REALLY care? Hard to tell, I am having a tough time again with all of this.

sugarbear1

You'll find alkies at various stages of outright alcoholism and various stages of recovery.

Today I can see sober vs unsober behavior. Read the first 164 pages of the big book, also pages 567 to the end of the book, then all of the stories.

Pray for the right sponsor to come into your life.

Something told me to get to last night's meeting...I don't know why, other than it was on the 5th step, which I did yesterday afternoon, but, wow! Interesting meeting...in an odd way!

You were in a room full of self-centered people. No, they couldn't see you were in pain. Time for you to humble yourself, reach out, and gently ask for help now. We must reach out, our lives depend on this. It goes against our nature, still necessary. Best wishes

stuartp

I too was on the verge of tears at the Lord's Prayer for the first three weeks going. I felt the same way - I didn;t know others felt this way.

I don't have much expereince with this, but at the few Beginner's meetings I've been to, they either have all available sponsors raise their hand - so you might approach someone afterwards (at least for a temp sponsor). And in at least two, they gave to the newbies meeting books with sponsors names/numbers on the back. This is how I ended up with my sponsor. Not sure how long I'll stick with him, but things have been going alright so far. All the best! Anyway - the begginner's meetins were a bit more 'user friendly' than the others - at least from a 'nuts and bolts' getting started perspective.

twilli59

Yes! I had to find the "right" meetings...sometimes they were all fellowship, open discussion, other times I needed the book/steps - SPECIFIC instructions to remind me not only of what you saw (the common problem), but - thank God - the common SOLUTION. Also, if I can really try to identify, I'm more open-minded. But with as many meetings as we have today, we have the "luxury" of most likely finding one that fits. Grab that sponsor when you can - good luck!

johnh123

I can relate to your fear and trebedation. Surrender god is waiting!!!!

Anna

I don't go to meetings, but I do understand what you mean.

There are times here at SR, that my heart just breaks for someone. Some of the stories and circumstances are just so incredibly sad. I try to accept that everyone is where they should be. Each of us has to learn certain things during their lives and whatever this particular person is going through is right where they should be. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to reach out and help someone, if you can, but not to the point where you are jeopardizing your own sobriety. Also, I always can find something here that is uplifting and inspirational!

Threshold

one thing that is always appropriate to say, when you don't know what is going on with someone, or you see pain in their eyes, or whatever is "I'm glad you are here"

No one can "save" us, but knowing we are not alone, that someone sees us, that this is a place we are wanted and welcome, can make a big difference.

esyla

if you dont feel that people are compassionate at that meeting, try others.

and sometimes, you have to put yourself out there. i know how hard it is. and i can say it a lot easier than doing it, ha. if you hear someone speaking that you think you'd like to have sponsor you, go talk to them. ask for their numbers. ask to meet for coffee sometime.

i find it's best to stick to your own sex when dealing with people in the program but it's always fine to talk to people after a meeting, and you can reach out to those you see who are in need who others arent.

but seriously, i'd try some other meetings. the people and overall mood can be different everywhere.

nandm

I too went through very similar feelings. I felt so alone, frightened, and ashamed when I got to AA. I could not initiate conversations with people. I wondered why they did not see that I needed help. Why didn't someone see?

What I learned was that help is at the end of my hand. If I don't extend my arm/hand then how can someone take it and provide me help? I had to humble myself and let go of enough fear to reach out and start talking to people. I started coming early and staying late. I asked someone to temporarily sponsor me until I could find a permanent sponsor. I was dying and if I had not reached out I would have continued to die. It was only through desperation that I was able to reach out and find the help I needed.

Today, because I remember what it was like, I reach out to the newcomer and at a minimum just make a point to introduce myself and say hello, glad you are here. Something to make them feel welcome and not so alone. Unfortunately too often people in AA get complacent and forget what it feels like to be brand new to this whole thing called sobriety. They forget how frightening, paralyzing, and miserable it can be. I pray I never forget. If you can reach out to those new to sobriety and those that are coming back. Compassion is a wonderful thing and it really helps me to not forget what brought me here in the first place. Take care.

Rusty Zipper

new,

just keep the focus on yourself,

and all will be ok

and i dont mean by being self-centered

you can be that hand of A.A. reaching out,

sometimes an ear is all that is needed.

on the sponsor, if no one reaches out to you,

if there's one that has a good knowledge of the steps, and lives life by the steps,

give them the high sign!

remember when, and keep it green

all good wishes