Symmetry

My boss is the worst idiot dingbat! All interactions I have with this person are a waste of time, effort and source of anxiety. I'm writing this because I really want to go home and have a drink. I need to reward myself for putting up with the shinanagins

Quitting is easier said than done. I'm attempting to just accept her for what she is and that she doesn't mean to cause such angst...I'm trying to be compassionate because that's what is good for me. It's all so much easier said than done.

She is a passive aggressive two bit idiot. She doesn't actually work. She's a liar and a thief. But if I want to continue to be able to pay my house payment I have to find a way to accept her. I'm pretty sure that my drinking started when my job required I have more contact with her. It's all in my head. It's all in my head. It's all in my head.

I'm not going to drink. But I sure do want to.

withdrawing

Trust me. Drinking is NOT rewarding your body. I am on day 19 of being sober and going through the worst bouts of withdrawals ever. I used to look at alcohol as a reward until I started learning about what it does to the brain and your blood sugar, not to mention everything else in your body.

MycoolFitz

Well, if it was easier done than said none of would need to be on SR. I hear your pain. I got to the point it seemed like there were only two choices, quit or drink, so I choose the 3rd option (I held out on you), I retired. The best revenge is not let them know they get to you, even if you have to scream into the toilet bowl when you get home. I admire your compassionate attempt--not easy. But as some old guy once said "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Not drinking is a noble response.

sugarbear1

I'm unemployed.

Be grateful you have a boss!

Sandy B. on xa speakers said (from 1994) "No one ever walked into an AA meeting and noticed how mature and well behaved (grown up) everyone was. Or something like that....lol! We are emotionally immature....

Symmetry

Thank you guys! Yes, I sure do need reminders like that. How immature and self-defeating. Ugh. Hello! Reality check

Love my SR FAM

basias

Sugarbear......you just made me laugh my a.. off ! I'm unemployed too !!
And I would love to have a boss.....any boss ! Thanks for the gut laugh !

EmeraldRose

I work in a large company with many different people of all backgrounds, personalities, etc. I try to do the best I can and be as nice as I can and do the best job I can. There is not much else you can do.
If I've always told the truth, never steal or be misleading then I can go to work and function with a clear conscious.
Obviously, your boss has issues...but you can't let that affect the way you live your life and using that as an excuse to drink is just really lame. If I may be so honest.

Symmetry

Yep. I know. It's lame. Any excuse to drink is lame. I do have triggers and I was feeling so much more than what I posted. The utter despair and anxiety can be so overwhelming. I am truly working on this particular trigger and was hoping for a different angle or reminder because I trust a lot folks here to offer that without sideways snideness. There are many here who have posted some pretty lame stuff or that maybe didn't sit well with me. I've used my discernment to best of my ability if and when i choose to respond because I know we are all vulnerable and easily triggered as we enter our fragile state of sobriety.

I am vulnerable and easily triggered. I am doing my best to stay sober as I know we all are. I am sorry that I my complained about my boss when there are so many without jobs. I'm sorry I ever drank when there are so many without water.

Mostly, I wish people would be nice. Stick to topic. Share your experience and offer kind words of advice and wisdom that encourage.

ajangel

Nothing wrong with getting angry and letting out your frustrations. I hope you feel better. I often have to remind myself that I can't change people, only how I respond to them and how they make me feel. I do understand those frustration triggers. I had a couple of those this weekend. I went on SR and my SR family made me feel better helped me.

newwings

Argh! You and me both, Sym! I'm literally red in the face with RAGE today - but not over a boss - over my best friend, who is a lying, cheating social climber, who is prepared to look me in the eye and lie directly to my face, and then call me paranoid when I called her out on her lie. I am STEAMING! So steaming I have sent a very direct and angry email to her, which is utterly out of character for me - sober!!! Probably not the best thing, but I am hopeless at confrontation. I take forever to get angry and let a lot of stuff roll off me, but when I do, I really blow up like a pressure cooker. It's best not to be around me then, because I can have a sharp tongue when I get pushed. Phew! Vent over!!

(So I just needed to let you know that two of us on the planet are feeling pretty enraged today. Am I going to drink? NO. I'm slowly learning what to do when I get angry, which does NOT involve drinking. It involves me venting to a third party, pacing around a bit, and then getting creative in the kitchen with a nice meal, or attacking the ironing pile. Much healthier).

Hope you are feeling better. Your reward today will be leaving the building!!!!!!!!

CaiHong

Thanks ladies for venting,this is the place to do it for sure. It is so necessary to express our anger, in a safe harmless way, to be listened to is what we want.

I have just been listening to recovery broadcast and "staying sober" really good stuff. I too have a long fuse, not because I am patient but I avoid confrontation, which has lead to a lot of problems.
Confrontation would make me feel uncomfortable, I think I know why but I can't really express it at the moment.
Relapse Prevention How To Stay Sober!
CaiHong

Zebra1275

The last time I relapsed it was because of a major resentment at work towards my boss.

I was right, he was wrong.

But drinking because of it was really stupid, it's like I was drinking the poison hoping he would die.

Another

lets see i'm sure many people can relate to this one, I know I surely can! We all justify in our own minds what "to do work really means" I found that this Anger which can be built up from expecting your boss to "Do as she says and not as he or she does" to manifest into a full blaze inferno where everyone around the workplace is affected. The worst suffering falls onto us of course which is the tuff part to figure out. Your on the right track with compassion, kindness, and understanding.

sugarbear1

I'd rather be sober than right today!

Symmetry

I am lacking so many tools to deal with people that I find so aggravating.
But I sure do appreciate all you sharing. Whenever I would have a day like this, with my boss rather, as soon as I'd feel bothered I would feel an immediate sense of comfort knowing that I would go home and have a drink right after work. I just didn't care and it felt so good.
No matter what or where I go I'm always going to have to deal with aggravating people like know-it-alls, liars, control freaks, narcissists, ego maniacs, mean people etc. But when I was drinking it just didn't matter.

I'm spiraling through this. I feel positive and acknowledge that it's not a race to be perfect or instantly enlightened. If I was I suppose I would no longer be fit for this world.

I hope and pray for patience and acceptance. I want to allow myself the space to accept others for who they are without judgement. I really really do. I feel so terribe when I have negative thoughts about others. It's like holding a hot coal in my brain

Anyway, thanks. Today is one more step towards that patience and acceptance. Pretty cool I'm not drunk right now

Threshold

Wow Symm, I wish we could hug each other, because I am so where you are! I will just tell you a few things I do when the rage/frustration boil up inside me.

I remind myself that I have my own contract with my company, and what other people are or are not doing, while it may have an impact on my work, or maybe only on my mood and morale, is really not MY business. It is the responsibility of the company and management. My coworkers, including my boss, has their own contract with the company and with the Universe. I am not responsible for them. All I am responsible for is MY job, MY agreement with them. Just thinking that through, and doing a mental checklist in my mind as to whether or not I am fulfilling my agreement with the company, often helps me. I bring my focus back to where it needs to be, and I spend less time and energy judging and rating others.

Of course, with a boss it can be so in our face it seems impossible to ignore. So, don't ignore it, acknowledge it and go on with your work. Denial isn't healthy. Naming what is, and then figuring out OUR part, and what we can or cannot do is healthy. Trying to pretend a situation does not exist is not a useful response.

Realizing that the other person has issues, fears, and is reacting to their own stuff helps too. Praying for them. Commending them to their HP, letting myself feel some love and compassion for them as a human being. Saying to myself, "there is someone having a rough day" gives me a little breathing space. Adding "and it's not my responsibility to fix it" and the humility to realize we can't fix it anyway...takes some of the frustration away. I tend to want to fix things, because being around anger and conflict is scary to me, by recognizing that I am not the source of the other person's bad day, am not responsible for their feelings, and am not in control..frees me up, lets me let go, because there is NO point in hanging on.

My most recent overdose/relapse was partly in response to some issues and situations at work and most directly with my boss. Well, ya know what? My boss isn't paying my medical bills from that little fiasco...I AM. I am the only one paying for my messed up response to someone else's temper tantrum. When I feel myself getting wound up inside over something the boss says or does, I think..."nope, aint' going there, ain't giving any power over to him". He only has the authority to tell me what to do in very specific situations at work. The rest of my life, my decisions and my time are mine. and I am not going to spend my time on HIS issues.

I recently saw the new Planet of the Apes movie, and you can go on youtube and look up any video on chimps doing a power display. They run all about, hooting, banging on a can, brandishing a stick, etc. etc. and while it's intimidating, there is also an element of humor in it. It's a big show of posturing, strutting, noisemaking...when my boss starts his usual posturing, I imagine those chimps...yup...there it is. Ah, he's making a big noise. I don't even stay around to listen any more. I just get on with my work. He feels pretty silly banging his chest when no one is cowering in response.

I also have some higher ups that are engaged in thievery. That makes me sick. The management knows and has decided to not confront them. There is nothing to do but focus on MY agreement with my company, and make sure I am behaving ethically.

I have, in the past, left a few jobs because I would not participate in illegal or unethical behavior. Scary, you betcha, but my sanity is worth more, and my sobriety is priceless.

Symmetry

Absolutely TH! All of that. Especially the contract part and the chimps.

What great advice and insight.
And to know that I'm not alone is priceless. There are healthy ways to deal with this kind of stuff. I'm inspired to experience these heLthy ways with an open heart. I don't care how cheesy that sounds. I just feel so much better than I did. What a relief!

raindancer11

I'm so glad you feel better about it now. That's why I love this site. Someone always has a healthy way of approaching the problem. I really liked what you said about the hot coal in the brain. That's going to stay with me.

Thanks for posting. It was just what I needed tonight. Hugs.

stugotz

There aint no problem you cant make worse by drinking. Just sayin...

Symmetry

A to the men brother