This time sobriety is working!
In Recovery
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 96
This time sobriety is working!
A year ago I was a complete mess, 30 pack a day and on prescription drugs. I realize now that I've pretty much made an ass out of myself for the last 5 years, always the drunk guy at the party, eroded respect with my family and my wife's, my 3 daughters still don't know who I really am, being sober that is.
My reality check hit me a few weeks ago and I was in a massive struggle, staying up all night, chain smoking, couldn't think straight, wandering around my house and yard, fighting the urge to drink, knowing that if I get caught I can go straight to jail... having imaginary police officers stop by, wondering how I could mask the smell of beer, let alone hide all the cans... then the fight was over.
My wife finally told me she would quit along side me.
I still have work to do, as I've switched from beer to Mtn Dew, but I can honestly say the cravings are long gone. My sleep has gotten back to normal, like it was about 15 years ago (I still use a sleep aid called Dreaminol that really helps), the anxiety no longer exists, I can think more clearly and work faster and harder than I have in a long time. Days seem twice as long and I am eating like I should instead of keeping my guts filled with beer. My eyes are back to their normal color, skin looks healthy, and I only wonder how much of life I've really missed out on.
I've switched from drinking & passing out on my boat to fishing with my daughter and reading books. My wife almost can't believe whats happening, of course she's still in defense mode wondering if I'm going to slip anytime soon. 6 months ago she was the only friend I had left. 2 more steps and I would have went to the gutter and lost everything, and no one would have cared. In just a few weeks my life is back on course. 5 years of prescription abuse and 20 years of drinking turned around in 6 months.
My first goal is to get 90 days behind me, renew my wedding vows, and keep on going. Thanks to this forum I read enough stories to give me hope and realize sobriety was not just a theory, but a way of life.
My reality check hit me a few weeks ago and I was in a massive struggle, staying up all night, chain smoking, couldn't think straight, wandering around my house and yard, fighting the urge to drink, knowing that if I get caught I can go straight to jail... having imaginary police officers stop by, wondering how I could mask the smell of beer, let alone hide all the cans... then the fight was over.
My wife finally told me she would quit along side me.
I still have work to do, as I've switched from beer to Mtn Dew, but I can honestly say the cravings are long gone. My sleep has gotten back to normal, like it was about 15 years ago (I still use a sleep aid called Dreaminol that really helps), the anxiety no longer exists, I can think more clearly and work faster and harder than I have in a long time. Days seem twice as long and I am eating like I should instead of keeping my guts filled with beer. My eyes are back to their normal color, skin looks healthy, and I only wonder how much of life I've really missed out on.
I've switched from drinking & passing out on my boat to fishing with my daughter and reading books. My wife almost can't believe whats happening, of course she's still in defense mode wondering if I'm going to slip anytime soon. 6 months ago she was the only friend I had left. 2 more steps and I would have went to the gutter and lost everything, and no one would have cared. In just a few weeks my life is back on course. 5 years of prescription abuse and 20 years of drinking turned around in 6 months.
My first goal is to get 90 days behind me, renew my wedding vows, and keep on going. Thanks to this forum I read enough stories to give me hope and realize sobriety was not just a theory, but a way of life.
Awesome attitude...congrats!!
In Recovery
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 96
It feels really good to not fight that battle everyday. I didn't realize how much of my time and energy was wasted fretting over alcohol. I also caused myself endless amounts of anxiety worried about sleep every night, but I knew if I was completely obliterated there wasn't a question, even though you don't actually sleep when your body is saturated with booze.
My last fight with this demon seemed like life or death. I slept for an hour and woke up in a puddle of sweat. It told me the cops were coming to give me an onsite **** test in the morning, I was up all night cleaning my coolers, searching for hidden beer cans (always known for doing that), and looking for any receipts for beer. At about 5am I gave up, lit a smoke and stared at the full moon, asking for help, promising if this were to be let go I'd change. 20 minutes later my heart rate was back to normal, completely exhausted though... I didn't ever go back to bed. The cops never showed up and that afternoon out of the blue my wife says 'Im done with this.' At first I thought she meant our marriage. Then she says 'Im done with the beer too'.
Something right there changed and I felt like I had just put on a suit of armor, put away the dagger and grabbed a sword.
Today I fetched some Mtn Dew from the store which is down the beer isle, funny cause I was just wandering and lost in my thoughts, it was a clear blue sky, no agendas. I walked down the isle and went to grab a 30 pack of beer just by habit. OH CRAP! I laughed, turned around and grabbed the Dew.
I will offer this crazy idea that helped me kick the beer cravings almost instantly. At the start of this sobriety kick she had 2 beers. I was drinking my Dew and before she finished her last one I said 'Gimme that can', she looked at me in horror and I said 'trust me'. She gave me the can, and I held it up to my nose, smelling the beer while drinking the Dew. I did this for the next 6 or so and told myself 'this is the new beer, this is what it's like! Drink all you want, and never get in trouble again!'
Also I've noticed I get special things now and then, I call them 'sober prizes. I got my sleep back, anxiety is gone, daughter is trusting me, I've came up with new business ideas out of the blue, sex is better, food tastes better, I have more money, this last week I've made more $$ and worked half the time I usually do.... it's just awesome.
Thanks again SR. I think I would be in a nasty rut had Google not found me this place! I know I still got a long road, but I can see much further ahead than before.
My last fight with this demon seemed like life or death. I slept for an hour and woke up in a puddle of sweat. It told me the cops were coming to give me an onsite **** test in the morning, I was up all night cleaning my coolers, searching for hidden beer cans (always known for doing that), and looking for any receipts for beer. At about 5am I gave up, lit a smoke and stared at the full moon, asking for help, promising if this were to be let go I'd change. 20 minutes later my heart rate was back to normal, completely exhausted though... I didn't ever go back to bed. The cops never showed up and that afternoon out of the blue my wife says 'Im done with this.' At first I thought she meant our marriage. Then she says 'Im done with the beer too'.
Something right there changed and I felt like I had just put on a suit of armor, put away the dagger and grabbed a sword.
Today I fetched some Mtn Dew from the store which is down the beer isle, funny cause I was just wandering and lost in my thoughts, it was a clear blue sky, no agendas. I walked down the isle and went to grab a 30 pack of beer just by habit. OH CRAP! I laughed, turned around and grabbed the Dew.
I will offer this crazy idea that helped me kick the beer cravings almost instantly. At the start of this sobriety kick she had 2 beers. I was drinking my Dew and before she finished her last one I said 'Gimme that can', she looked at me in horror and I said 'trust me'. She gave me the can, and I held it up to my nose, smelling the beer while drinking the Dew. I did this for the next 6 or so and told myself 'this is the new beer, this is what it's like! Drink all you want, and never get in trouble again!'
Also I've noticed I get special things now and then, I call them 'sober prizes. I got my sleep back, anxiety is gone, daughter is trusting me, I've came up with new business ideas out of the blue, sex is better, food tastes better, I have more money, this last week I've made more $$ and worked half the time I usually do.... it's just awesome.
Thanks again SR. I think I would be in a nasty rut had Google not found me this place! I know I still got a long road, but I can see much further ahead than before.
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