Hi :) This board is helpful
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Hi :) This board is helpful
Hi everyone. I'm new to this and am learning a lot about myself. I really appreciate what I've read on this board so far.
I've been married for a little over 2 years to a man who I knew had a problem "in the past." About 2 months ago he stayed out all night and no called/no showed for work. It happened again about a month ago except this time when he came home he said he was not interested in our relationship anymore and that he was taking a bus "out west." He staggered in late that night having gambled away all the money from his bank account (gambling like that is new to me too). It's been up and down since then. He moved out of our bedroom and into the basement a few nights ago because when he went out drinking again I canceled his debit card.
I don't know what I want but I wish he'd talk to me.
I did find a local Al-anon group that has been helpful. I've been twice, bought books and have been doing daily reading. I see sooooo many things I can change about the way I handle things and I feel like I'm making some progress.
I still wish he'd talk to me though about what he's going through. ALL of this has just come out of the blue.
I've been married for a little over 2 years to a man who I knew had a problem "in the past." About 2 months ago he stayed out all night and no called/no showed for work. It happened again about a month ago except this time when he came home he said he was not interested in our relationship anymore and that he was taking a bus "out west." He staggered in late that night having gambled away all the money from his bank account (gambling like that is new to me too). It's been up and down since then. He moved out of our bedroom and into the basement a few nights ago because when he went out drinking again I canceled his debit card.
I don't know what I want but I wish he'd talk to me.
I did find a local Al-anon group that has been helpful. I've been twice, bought books and have been doing daily reading. I see sooooo many things I can change about the way I handle things and I feel like I'm making some progress.
I still wish he'd talk to me though about what he's going through. ALL of this has just come out of the blue.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome, glad that you are reading around this forum. Don't forget to look at the Family and Friends of Addicts. Most behaviors are the same.
I would suggest that you separate all of your accounts, close out any that are joint.
Keep going to those meetings, read all you can about codependency and enabling.
His mind is one big scrambled egg, talking to him is not going to accomplish a thing, continue to work on you.
I would suggest that you separate all of your accounts, close out any that are joint.
Keep going to those meetings, read all you can about codependency and enabling.
His mind is one big scrambled egg, talking to him is not going to accomplish a thing, continue to work on you.
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Sorry you are going through this. We are all here for you. 
You have made the right step in seeking the support for yourself both here and Al-anon. Just continue working on you.
Dollydo has some great suggestions.
You have made the right step in seeking the support for yourself both here and Al-anon. Just continue working on you.
Dollydo has some great suggestions.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I agree, this place is wonderful. SR has helped me in so many areas of my life: mentally, spiritually, personally and professionally.
I understand wanting to have a rational conversation with your partner. In normal relationships, that is healthy. In relationships that include addiction, it isn't possible because the addicted partner isn't thinking rationally. It is like going to the hardware store and asking for fresh baked bread......
You will walk away empty handed.
I know, I tried reasoning, begging, pleading, manipulating, bargaining, controlling, etc.
I was powerless over the addiction and MY life had become unmanageable.
Stick around. Make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand.
This is a link to a post about living with addiction that really helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I agree, this place is wonderful. SR has helped me in so many areas of my life: mentally, spiritually, personally and professionally.
I understand wanting to have a rational conversation with your partner. In normal relationships, that is healthy. In relationships that include addiction, it isn't possible because the addicted partner isn't thinking rationally. It is like going to the hardware store and asking for fresh baked bread......
You will walk away empty handed.
I know, I tried reasoning, begging, pleading, manipulating, bargaining, controlling, etc.
I was powerless over the addiction and MY life had become unmanageable.
Stick around. Make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand.
This is a link to a post about living with addiction that really helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
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