soberviking

For everytime I have went out and relapsed and came back here I always get asked what am I going to do different this time. As I mentioned in a earlier thread I started I quit doing drugs and smoking all on my own with no plan other then "don't do that anymore" and didn't need a support group. But countless times I've tried quitting drinking and 4 months is about the longest I've ever managed before caving in. I'm not much for AA, and I take pride in being to handle my problems alone.

I'm open for suggestions and while those are rolling in I gonna hop over to the arcade and play some pac-man

mrjive55

"and I take pride in being to handle my problems alone. "

Unfortunately this is a problem u may not be able to solve on your own. Which parts of AA do u dislike? I disliked NA as a whole but was desperate to get clean so i decided to focus on the parts i liked and work from there

sugarbear1

all of us at AA prefer to do it alone because we know what's best for us.... that one will get the room to burst out laughing.... we aren't laughing at you, we are laughing with you!

Even Bill W and Dr. Bob, the cofounders of AA, believed in "doing it my way" until they realized they weren't able to stay stopped that way!

soberviking

Well I'm not much for being a people person. I don't like sharing with the class. When I'm sitting in a group all I can think is how much longer is this gonna take I gotta get to work/home/store or wherever I need to be.

I appreciate AA for what is and thankful it's there for people to go to, but it's just not me. It's like trying to convince me that Titanic is a great movie and after 1000 viewings I'll love it. Not happening.

stuartp

LOL . . .v funny. I wish I had something more insightful to add.

I got my drinking 'under control.' I imagined it being a big monster in the room and I got it beaten back to a small corner. Where it stayed. Mostly. Until it came out. And then . . .

I resisted AA tooth and nail until the monster showed me who was boss (and it wasn't me). I was then ready to make a change and it has worked for me for a few weeks (so far and I'm feeling good about it - a big change from 4 weeks ago).

I also quit smoking and overcame major depression pretty much on my own. But . . . . Just my story - FYI.

mrjive55

Well I'm not much for being a people person. I don't like sharing with the class. When I'm sitting in a group all I can think is how much longer is this gonna take I gotta get to work/home/store or wherever I need to be.


You dont have to share. You can just pick 1 or 2 ppl u feel comfortable with and share with them. AA meetings are only an hour, not so bad. NA are an hour and a half, some 2! It may be unpleasant but if it helps u stop drinking...

bellakeller

You know, one of the smartest things I've learned in recovery is to take what I am feeling about something and just do the opposite of what that feeling is prompting me to do. It's actually humorous the way that doing the opposite thing has worked in my favor.

The last thing I wanted to do was "belong" to AA but I go and so far it's the only thing that has worked and I've tried so many ways on my own to no avail. Some of us just need some help. And usually those of us are the ones most reluctant to try it. I am the last person I thought would be caught dead needing help.

Good luck with the Pac Man.

Anna

Hi Soberviking,

I think you should do whatever works for you, in order to recover.

My advice, fwiw, is to understand that stopping drinking is the beginning. Drinking is the symptom and you need to deal with the underlying issues in order to be able to live a peaceful life.

wheresthefun

Perfezione, Anna! It deserves to be posted again.

soberviking

Well alcohol has been around for thousands of years, surely someone along the way had a drinking problem and gave it up before the existence of AA ever came about.

Peter G

Medicine doesn't always taste good, but regardless, it works to heal illness.

AA is not about group sharing, or standing up and eviscerating yourself in front of a bunch of drunks. It's about admitting you are what you are, and then getting to work with someone there with experience, on the steps as outlined in the BB.

The group vibe is great for those who like it, not so much for those who don't. Honestly you can just sit there and say nothing - at no time are you forced into saying word 1 at an AA meeting. You say "no thanks" all the time, yes? I just did earlier, when the waitress asked if I want fries with that burger. Well, when someone at a meeting asks you to share, say "no thanks" again. Simple.

Personally I hate groups, and thankfully I'm only online with mine - but the day will come when I'm able to join face to face meetings, and I will embrace them. Yet even at online skype meetings there are times when I would rather look at my hair grow than attend. My theory is that I take each meeting at it's most minimal point of effectiveness - it is a consistent reminder that I have a problem with drinking. We boozers definitely need to be reminded of that fact, often. What I end up taking away from my meetings is so much more, but at bare minimum, the meetings will always give me that necessary reminder of what I am.

Whether you do or do not play well with others, let me reiterate, it is the 12 step work of AA that make that entire setup work. Those 12 steps, completed via mentor-ship/sponsorship is the actual meaning of the program, not the group hugs or the communal bitching and moaning. Sure it's all well and good that we all need to get crap off our chests, but that alone does not give you the true experience of AA at all. Actually there are those within AA hierarchy who say that the sharing part of an AA fellowship is NOT the program of AA at all, at least as defined by the founders. I'm too new to form my own opinions, but I do see where they are coming from.

You're not there to join a hockey team, you're there to get exactly what YOU need to stay sober. Go there open and ready to learn how to become sober - and to learn true contentment within sobriety. Go there to have the obsession to drink lifted from you for good. Take what is available there to help you with your drinking problem, leave the rest for the other folks who need it. That's all the AA meetings and program were ever meant to do.

Fallow

Have you looked into AVRT?

Peter G

I should add a disclaimer to my post: Under no circumstances am I telling you about AA to influence you, only to shed light on how it's supposed to work and to share my own experience. I just read back and it may seem like folks are trying to steer you a certain way - even though in truth it's all about helping via what we know works.

Really, each to their own amigo, if you are not comfortable in the rooms do find something else that works for you. AVRT is stellar (as Fallow mentioned), SMART, CBT, other group support and many other therapies all can work as well. AA is not the only game in town by any stretch.

Important thing is as Anna said: not drinking is the beginning of it all. Good luck.

Cerberus

Hey soberviking. maybe pacman 24/7 would help? keep your hands busy? just kidding.

seriously i am so new to this sober thing i don't have much to add just wanted to say that I understand your feelings of not wanting to join up with AA. What about a one on one counselor/therapist? I have been kind of thinking the same for myself, and I even would get counseling for free through my husband's plan but so far I seem to be doing okay. But seeing you post that 4 months is the longest you've gone kinda got me. I figure 4 months seems like almost forever. I guess I was hoping if I can manage to make it to four months I am good to go. but maybe not huh?

sugarbear1

The original intention of meetings was a group study of the book Alcoholics Anonymous (after it was finally in print) or to share our Experience, Strength, and Hope and to be available so others may find us. Not a group counseling session or a moan, groan and whine fest!

"So others may find us" is the key. It's worked for over 70 years...

It's your choice.. I did it my way for too long and my results were nil...until I surrendered. Peace

Dee74

Hey SV

I didn't go to AA...I didn't go to anything...but I really wanted to stop drinking because I finally realised it would kill me next time.

I did everything I could not to drink again, under any circumstances...the support I got here at SR was enough for me...

if it's not enough for you, I recommend you check out the many options available to you - many have been discussed here...there are a few links to follow up here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

And then, like Anna says, once I had not drinking down, I got into what I think is the real work - sifting through the underlying issues of my life I tried to drown in booze.

Support is just as vital in that phase too, I think.

There's no mystery really SV...you get out of your recovery what you put in.

It's a rhetorical question - no answer required - but do ask yourself what have you been putting in.

D

sugarbear1

I'm not arguing. You can stay stopped, if you want, in the manner you choose to do so. You are not alone!

Terminally Unique

I finally quit "on my own" using a method called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) from Rational Recovery. It doesn't require therapy, counseling, meetings, spirituality, sharing, or support. There is a thread going in the Secular Connections Forum:

Threshold

AA is just one more presentation of some truths that are as old as mankind. Most solid spiritual systems say the same thing, but don't call it 12 steps, and don't mention alcohol. But what works, works.

You don't have to become a poster child for AA, or any other recovery system, but in the end, if you want to have a happy life, the same things that worked for others are likely to work for you. You can word them any way that is comfortable for you. You can do it on your own, with friends, with an imaginary friend, with a group of recovering addicts...whatever.

No, it's not religion, it's not signing your life and free will away, it's just doing what works to have a managable and fulfilling life.

AA is a repackaging of age old wisdom. I have heard many claim that it's brain washing, refusing to take responsibility for your actions, or even an excuse to keep relapsing. But actually it's pretty straightforward. Stop drinking, quit whining, face facts, take responsibility, say sorry, get honest and humble, and do the right thing for the right reason. And if we all do that, life gets better.

Peter G

This ^^^^^ in spades.