ready2learn

I haven't written on here in a few months. Our 22 year old AS has been in rehab for addiction to pain killers for a year, and has about 8 more months to go in his program. He's doing well; we are able to visit him periodically, not regularly (he's several hundred miles away). I know that the 8 months he has left will go by faster than I think, and I want to start working on myself to prepare for that day. I'm already starting to worry about how he'll handle himself when he gets out....how he'll handle the freedom and temptations - and I know that's a warning sign for me. He won't have a car, a place to live, a job or any money at first, and he hasn't had much contact with his 21 month old little son while he's been in rehab, although he keeps trying - the baby's mom has no interest in their child knowing his father....so he'll have that to deal with too - court, etc. I know in my head these are all things that he has to work out, and that it will take lots of time. I want to be supportive but not an enabler. Any suggestions on resources for guidance, other than this forum? I've just started reading "Codependent No More." You have helped me in the past with your input; I'm counting on you again!

dollydo

Projecting into the future is very unhealthy for you and serves no positive purpose.

He is 22, this is his life to manage, not yours. In rehab he is building the boat, the base to support himself, when he leaves rehab he will be given the oars to row the boat, which direction he rows in will be totally up to him.

I would suggest you start going to meetings, they certainly helped me.

sojourner

I agree with CynicalOne. Your home is not his best option for him to live in. I cannot tell from your post if you were considering that. This is his to work out, including where he lives (hopefully not with you), works, socializes. If he were in a sober living environment (SLE), he would have others around him who could encourage him, counsel him, call him on his BS, etc. We parents are too prone to let things slide, accept excuses, etc., which can be very detrimental to another's sobriety.

Maybe it would help if you started asking him, especially as he gets closer to his discharge date, what his plans are. Maybe that comes out in family meetings at the treatment center. Perhaps you could ask him what kind of suggestions his counselor has made on his behalf. Perhaps you could sit in on a family session with your son and the counselor and get some idea on what kinds of plans they are hashing over. Don't isolate yourself from the treatment facility staff on this one.

Just suggestions. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Freedom1990

It's been my personal experience that my home is best not used as a sober living facility.

Been there, done that, got that t-shirt. Never again.

outtolunch

Rehab will work with your son to transition to a sober living enviornment.

A solid sober living enviornnment will require him to get a job, maybe education and take responbsibility for himself and his sobriety.

There is nothing you can do to keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are. He owns his recovery or not.

ready2learn

Thanks for the replies. As I explained, I've recognized that the little sparks of worries I've experienced are signs that it's time to start working on myself, even though it's months before AS will get out of rehab. I'm not so much looking for specific answers right now as I am for resources to get back to working on my own recovery, especially detachment. I've been to Al-Anon in the past (H is a problem drinker), and think that's probably a good group to start back with. I'm really liking "Codependent No More." Thanks for your input.