Lunch Date
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Lunch Date
Today I went out to lunch with my daughter Amber, we had a long productive talk. I might not have heard what I wanted to, but I heard what she wanted to tell me.
First thing we talked about was obviously her arrest situation, the college had already found out and called her saying she's done. Her scholarship is removed as a result of her probation and she's not welcome back on there campus. She said she's gonna try to pick up more hours at her job and then enroll in Community college soon when she gets the money, Idk if that will actaully happen but it's a good goal to set isn't it?
Then we talked about what happened Saturday night...she said she was so gone she had no idea what she was doing. She wanted more beer. She thanked me for bailing her out and giving her a place to stay that night she said she was just in a bad place and had way way too much to drink. She assured me I didn't have to worry about her skipping her court date (in just under three weeks) I asked if she'd drank since then and I guess her and one of her friends drank Sunday night but didn't go out they just sorta sat around and drank and had some laughs which still isn't good.
We talked about how much she drinks and she said it's usually 2 or 3 times a week depends on how she's feeling but she also when she does and she drinks enough to be completely gone from real life. I asked her if she ever plans on stopping or slowing down and she said she didn't know yet. She still likes living that kind of lifestyle even though she's been arrested twice now for it and has been kicked out of school! That was a major redflag, but it's her life, I'm not gonna stop her at this point. I told her if she ever wanted help I'm here and she said she'd keep it in mind.
I didn't come out of our lunch with the answers I wanted but at least I got to talk to her and see where she's at mentally with everything that's going on.
First thing we talked about was obviously her arrest situation, the college had already found out and called her saying she's done. Her scholarship is removed as a result of her probation and she's not welcome back on there campus. She said she's gonna try to pick up more hours at her job and then enroll in Community college soon when she gets the money, Idk if that will actaully happen but it's a good goal to set isn't it?
Then we talked about what happened Saturday night...she said she was so gone she had no idea what she was doing. She wanted more beer. She thanked me for bailing her out and giving her a place to stay that night she said she was just in a bad place and had way way too much to drink. She assured me I didn't have to worry about her skipping her court date (in just under three weeks) I asked if she'd drank since then and I guess her and one of her friends drank Sunday night but didn't go out they just sorta sat around and drank and had some laughs which still isn't good.
We talked about how much she drinks and she said it's usually 2 or 3 times a week depends on how she's feeling but she also when she does and she drinks enough to be completely gone from real life. I asked her if she ever plans on stopping or slowing down and she said she didn't know yet. She still likes living that kind of lifestyle even though she's been arrested twice now for it and has been kicked out of school! That was a major redflag, but it's her life, I'm not gonna stop her at this point. I told her if she ever wanted help I'm here and she said she'd keep it in mind.
I didn't come out of our lunch with the answers I wanted but at least I got to talk to her and see where she's at mentally with everything that's going on.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
It's nice to be able to sit down and have a rational conversation every once in a while, huh?
I would have done the same as you - bailed her out and kept her safe. Call me an enabler...its my kid...I don't care. But I also think letting her suffer her own consequences of her actions is important. Let her do the court thing, let her figure out what to do next with her life, let her continue to financially support herself. These are life lessons, albeit painful ones. But that's how we learn best - when it really hurts - right?!
Hang in there!
~T
I would have done the same as you - bailed her out and kept her safe. Call me an enabler...its my kid...I don't care. But I also think letting her suffer her own consequences of her actions is important. Let her do the court thing, let her figure out what to do next with her life, let her continue to financially support herself. These are life lessons, albeit painful ones. But that's how we learn best - when it really hurts - right?!
Hang in there!
~T
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I think that you handled the talk well....she doesn't yet see what she has thrown away, her scholarship has been exchanged for a job waiting tables. (not that there is anything wrong with supporting yourself this way, I've done it too)...but tossing away a full scholarship for booze and partying is just so childish and foolish.
I think you may see a major downslide in her in the next few months as her friends move forward and she does not....and i do hope it's quick so she can get the help.
I think you may see a major downslide in her in the next few months as her friends move forward and she does not....and i do hope it's quick so she can get the help.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Sheneedshelp 
She still likes living that kind of lifestyle even though she's been arrested twice now for it and has been kicked out of school!
I'd be surprised if she didn't ramp it up now that her scholarship went down the drain.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Sheneedshelp, I send you ((HUGS))
My ex told me he planned to keep drinking the rest of his life. He will turn 30 soon.
I was heartbroken but 3 years later he is doing just that.
That is what they do. Drink. And add losses to their lives. Nothing anyone can do dear Sheneedshelp. I hope, she wakes up. Meanwhile, keep being the strong woman you already are. I believe, this is the best gift I would ever be given by my mom... her example of a life well lived, a life enjoyed.
I think I told you my story in another thread but look I was a lost soul and when the pain was too much, I changed.. now I live a new life, healthier and more authentic... I truly hope, it doesn´t take much more pain for your daughter to realize there is another way to live, to realize the impact her actions are having in her future and in her family, the ones who love her.
More hugs.
My ex told me he planned to keep drinking the rest of his life. He will turn 30 soon.
I was heartbroken but 3 years later he is doing just that.
That is what they do. Drink. And add losses to their lives. Nothing anyone can do dear Sheneedshelp. I hope, she wakes up. Meanwhile, keep being the strong woman you already are. I believe, this is the best gift I would ever be given by my mom... her example of a life well lived, a life enjoyed.
I think I told you my story in another thread but look I was a lost soul and when the pain was too much, I changed.. now I live a new life, healthier and more authentic... I truly hope, it doesn´t take much more pain for your daughter to realize there is another way to live, to realize the impact her actions are having in her future and in her family, the ones who love her.
More hugs.
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