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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 11
New to SR Forums
My name is Brian and I'm from Evanston Illinois. I have been an addict/alcoholic for most of my life. I'm 41.
I recently was in rehab for Benzo/Opiate abuse. I was having problems at work but didn't stop. I was let go and began drinking. This lead to disastrous results because the girl I loved worried for me because I was out of touch. I had done this before and she worried about my safety. I came up with a stupid excuse which was a lie. It was obvious.
She got a hold of my sponsor whom was unaware of my (benzo/opiate abuse) and cut ties completely with me.
It's been an absolutely devastating time for me. Loss of job (and those relationships) and the girl I loved. It's been a "bottom" of horrific consequences.
I'm back in the rooms. Seeing an addiction counselor. As soon as she ended it I went to rehab for 4 months in Tennessee. Honestly, my emotional condition is still terrible. I've lost interest in everytthing and just want to sleep. I don't eat. I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Wed. for depression. I'm on Paxil but I think the events of the last 6 months have permanently damaged me.
I'm hoping that sobriety will give me the gifts I see in others. That is the only hope I have right now. I'm desperate to feel better but know I can't use. I'll be dead. Simple. Thnaks for letting me share.
Brian
I recently was in rehab for Benzo/Opiate abuse. I was having problems at work but didn't stop. I was let go and began drinking. This lead to disastrous results because the girl I loved worried for me because I was out of touch. I had done this before and she worried about my safety. I came up with a stupid excuse which was a lie. It was obvious.
She got a hold of my sponsor whom was unaware of my (benzo/opiate abuse) and cut ties completely with me.
It's been an absolutely devastating time for me. Loss of job (and those relationships) and the girl I loved. It's been a "bottom" of horrific consequences.
I'm back in the rooms. Seeing an addiction counselor. As soon as she ended it I went to rehab for 4 months in Tennessee. Honestly, my emotional condition is still terrible. I've lost interest in everytthing and just want to sleep. I don't eat. I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Wed. for depression. I'm on Paxil but I think the events of the last 6 months have permanently damaged me.
I'm hoping that sobriety will give me the gifts I see in others. That is the only hope I have right now. I'm desperate to feel better but know I can't use. I'll be dead. Simple. Thnaks for letting me share.
Brian
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Brian - Sorry to hear this had been such a difficult time for you. I'm sure it's hard not to dwell in the past, but there is every reason to hope that the future will be better. Remember, we only have to get through it one day at a time.
It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I hope your psychiatrist can help - it sometimes takes a few tries to get the right anti-depressant. Stick around and keep posting - a lot of people here know what it's like to be at rock bottom.
:ghug3
It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I hope your psychiatrist can help - it sometimes takes a few tries to get the right anti-depressant. Stick around and keep posting - a lot of people here know what it's like to be at rock bottom.
:ghug3
to SR. Glad you are here
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
Welcome Brian. Bottom is a helluva rotten place, but the upside is it can only get better from here on in amigo. This place rocks so you've found a great spot to hang your hat 
Keep posting and keep coming back.
Keep posting and keep coming back.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Brian,
I'm sorry that your addiction has caused you so much pain.
There is hope that you can find peace in your life. I'm glad you're seeing a psychiatrist and that you are on meds for depression.
I'm sorry that your addiction has caused you so much pain.
There is hope that you can find peace in your life. I'm glad you're seeing a psychiatrist and that you are on meds for depression.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Hi Brian. I'm so sorry for all that you've been going through. You probably feel old & beaten up, but you are still so young. You can turn this whole thing around and have a wonderful life.
We can't accomplish anything when we're numb & foggy. With a clear head, and your health returning, there's nothing you can't do. The sun will shine in your life again. Please keep talking to us.
We can't accomplish anything when we're numb & foggy. With a clear head, and your health returning, there's nothing you can't do. The sun will shine in your life again. Please keep talking to us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 11
I am. I can't let this part of my life go without some sort of turning point. I was using Xanax and Vicodin. High 2 weeks coming down 1 week and then be ok for 1 week and repeat the cycle.
Losing the job is one thing but the relationship was the most important part of my life. I worried her terribly and she ended it. Hard to move forward after such things. Staying strong for today.
Losing the job is one thing but the relationship was the most important part of my life. I worried her terribly and she ended it. Hard to move forward after such things. Staying strong for today.
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