tjp613

He was doing pretty well (we thought) .... he was living on his own, holding down a job, and he even went back to school for a night course this summer. I don't see him very often, maybe once a month, and I knew something wasn't right. He was really skinny, bags under his eyes, listless and depressed. I got him out for dinner last night and we had a long talk. I knew he was smoking weed, but he would always adamantly deny he was doing anything else. But last night he admitted the thing I most dreaded in the whole wide world...he's been smoking heroin. I told him all the stuff I needed to tell him...that I love him but I won't take a front seat to his addiction. I offered to make calls about possible treatment options so we'd know what was available when he is ready and he said that would be good. I made those calls this morning and have an intake appt. set up for him tomorrow but as of tonight, he's not ready. His dad (the chief enabler and my ex-husband) has finally realized that it's time to pull the plug on any assistance he's been providing and DS is in panic mode and very angry.

My other child, my 17 yr old daughter is in a 6 month behavioral health treatment center for self-harming and borderline personality disorder, among other issues.

Suddenly my life is falling apart at the seams, and I'll need your support.

Apparently it is time to return to Al-Anon. God help us all.

Thanks for letting me share and for being here. Love you all.

Kindeyes

I'm so sorry that things aren't going well. I understand the feeling of helplessness when finding out the drug use has progressed to heroin or meth. All drugs are bad but those are the doozies. As a parent, it is heartbreaking to know our child (even if they are an adult they are still our children) is doing something so terribly harmful to themselves.

I hope you will get back into Alanon (or Naranon) for your own sake. I have made a very specific promise to myself.....that I will continue going to my meetings whether my son elects to pursue recovery, remain in active addiction, or if his addiction kills him. I know that the meetings are what keep me grounded and the principles are applicable to all aspects of my life--not just as it relates to my addicted son.

gentle hugs from another mother
ke

dollydo

I too, am so very sorry. When I read a post such as yours I ask myself....why? And then I realize that there are no answers, only more questions.

Meetings surely will help...and know that we are here for you.

Hugs and support heading your way,

chicory

(((tjp)))
saying prayers for you and your precious son.
I am so sorry to hear this. I hurt for you, and for him.
and sending a big hug,
chicory

Impurrfect

(((tjp))) - I'm so sorry, sweetie. Meetings would probably help, and we will be here for you. You can pm me any time.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

I'm sorry (((tjp)))

D

mooselips

(((tjp)))
My heart hurts for you.

You said all the right things to him, now, unfortunately it's his call, and that's what hurts.


warm hugs, and prayers coming your way......

Chino

tjp, I remember reading about your daughter and you've done the best you can. Here you are again, doing the best you can with your son. I know you have a lot to let go of, but please don't ever let go of knowing you've done the best you can for them. Please hold tight to your recovery and continue to do the best you can for yourself.

Lots of hugs and healing thoughts, prayers are on the way....

sTiLlhErE1986

(((tjp)))

I am so sorry to hear that things aren't going good, you are in my thoughts. My rabf used heroin and when i found out it had gotten to that bad I freaked out, that was the worst I could imagne, and for my bf this is what made him reach the rock bottom, the fact that he had gotten to the point of injecting it, that made him wake up and see he is killing himself and needs to stop! Im glad you son hasn't gotten to that point and I'm glad you held you ground annd helped but didn't go overboard in your ways if helping.

You and your son are in my prayers

hope213

i am so sorry. you are carrying so much. my God bless you. meetings are always good. we r here & i understand all the hurt you are going thru.please keep coming back & know we r here. hugs & prayers for u & your children.

kiki5711

I'm closer to my deathbed from all the worry about my kids too.

tjp613

Chino - Thank you for this. I really have done the best I can. It may not always be right, or enough, but it has been my best. Thank you for that acknowledgement.


Thank all of you for your support and kindness. If you don't mind, I will continue to post updates here so I can get your feedback. Some days I don't trust my own mind and it's so reassuring to have you all here.

Ann

(((tjp)))

I know the heartbreak of losing a child to addiction, and sadly having to let go because if we don't we will go down with them.

Meetings literally saved my life. I know that I cannot go into hell and drag my son out, but I can shine my light as brightly as I can and hope that one day he sees it and follows.

You and your children are in my prayers. Never forget that God can do for us (and our children) what we cannot do for ourselves.

Hugs from another mama's heart.

kmangel

When my son "graduated" to heroin (injecting it) it was the beginning of his losing everything that was of value to him: job, girlfriend, home, car, 2 dui's, etc. Before heroin he was addicted to Vicodin and had mountains of debt as well as having sold personal belongings that meant a lot to him, but he was still functioning (not well, but he hadn't begun the quick spiral that came as a result of the heroin). Fortunately for my husband and me, we didn't see him very often. He hasn't lived at home for 4 years so we were not there to see his decline and to intervene (interfere) with what needed to happen for him to realize he needed help. We never saw him as a heroin addict (he was ordered to rehab by a judge which is when we learned of the extent of his drug use) and as a Vicodin addict he seemed okay to both of us. We didn't realize he was addicted to Vicodin--probably from denial more than anything--but he seemed okay when we did visit with him. I think when he started in on heroin, he quickly sped out of control. Maybe the same will be true for your son.

Like you, my husband is a bigger enabler than I am. When I realized the extent of our son's drug problem, I found a counselor for my husband and me. I knew that we would need a third party to help us face the future. She's been very helpful. Now my son is back home with us and he sees the same counselor and he says she is very helpful to him as well.

For sure, be prepared to face the future without enabling your son. Let him experience fully the consequences of his choice to use drugs. It really is the only way for him to come to that place where he wants help to stop.

Hope44

(((tjp))) I have a 23 year old daughter who's been addicted to heroin for three years now. I can understand your fear and sadness. Just wanted you to know my heart goes out to you - I am praying for you and your son today. There is always hope, as long as there is life.

iliveforyou

I'm so so very sorry. I am an ex heroin addict and being a mother now myself, I can imagine the pain and heartbreak I put upon my mother and it kills me.

***big hugs*** and positive thoughts.

Jess

WIworrier

As a mother of a full blown AS that is 20 yrs old and does Heroin daily ...I feel your pain...
They will never get better until they want to get better....
Took me forever to learn it

tjp613

Thanks all. His dad has been talking to him throughout the day, defining some new bottom lines, and it looks like AS is going to make the right choice. He's not there yet, but he has until noon tomorrow. I have faith.

What a horrible day this has been I'm exhausted and very, very sad.

chicory

(((tjp)))
I can only imagine how hard this must be for you, and your husband. and frightening. I went to sleep last night, praying for our children.

Thinking of you honey. You know we are going to be right here with you.

love
chicory

lonelystar

I just wanted to stop by and say how very sorry I am, just the other day I was looking at my sons arms looking for needle marks. Sending you my prayers and some calmness in your heart during these hard times for you and so many parents, siblings , friends and family that are going through the insanity of a thing called DRUGS.