Recovery, for me, means growing up
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
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Recovery, for me, means growing up
I came across this quote from Pema Chodron (who I really respect and admire).
She says, "Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?" It hit my rather dense and much misused mind with a resounding WOW. When I was much younger I used to wear a T-shirt that stated, "I may grow older, but I'll never grow up". I thought , at the time, it was pretty cool. Now I realize that trapped in my addiction I was always a child hiding from the boogie man in booze--feelings, as Pema says, of disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear. In recovery, I'm learning to face and deal with these very powerful emotions that I was taught, and believed, were bad and were to be buried. As Pema (yes she again) goes on to state that these feelings, rather than being bad news are "like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we are stuck. This moment is the perfect teacher, and lucky for us, it's with us wherever we are." In recovery I've been able to look under the bed and into my closet only to discover the only terror facing me was within. It's good to grow older and also to grow up. Thank you
She says, "Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?" It hit my rather dense and much misused mind with a resounding WOW. When I was much younger I used to wear a T-shirt that stated, "I may grow older, but I'll never grow up". I thought , at the time, it was pretty cool. Now I realize that trapped in my addiction I was always a child hiding from the boogie man in booze--feelings, as Pema says, of disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear. In recovery, I'm learning to face and deal with these very powerful emotions that I was taught, and believed, were bad and were to be buried. As Pema (yes she again) goes on to state that these feelings, rather than being bad news are "like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we are stuck. This moment is the perfect teacher, and lucky for us, it's with us wherever we are." In recovery I've been able to look under the bed and into my closet only to discover the only terror facing me was within. It's good to grow older and also to grow up. Thank you
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by MycoolFitz 
... In recovery, I'm learning to face and deal with these very powerful emotions that I was taught, and believed, were bad and were to be buried.
For me, sobriety means facing my fears head-on, without excuses, escape routes or smoke-screens. Letting the chips fall where they may and detaching from the outcome. That is when I know I am being mature.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
I think I need to find some Pema to read - thank you, mcf.
I am only now - at this late date - beginning to evolve into the person I should've been decades ago. Alcohol was my shield against reality. Not sure why I always felt so afraid, but all I did was sabotage myself. There's alot of lost time to make up for, but we're on the right path now!
I am only now - at this late date - beginning to evolve into the person I should've been decades ago. Alcohol was my shield against reality. Not sure why I always felt so afraid, but all I did was sabotage myself. There's alot of lost time to make up for, but we're on the right path now!
Bad*** Pirate Addict
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 19
"Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?"
What a great question. Thank you so much for pointing it out. Drinking may seem to quell the fear, but really just sort of puts it off for a while, I think....
What a great question. Thank you so much for pointing it out. Drinking may seem to quell the fear, but really just sort of puts it off for a while, I think....
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