4MyMel

I am feeling so frustrated this morning. Since May 19th, I've had two stints of close to 20 days each. I feel that the first two weeks I'm on a high, and then the high wears off and I'm like "screw it" and start drinking again.

I've tried the meetings but it doesn't seem to stick. I'm going to school online part time and I work full time. Homework and showing up to work are what I have to do and then I always seem to have to make a choice between the gym, spending time with my gf and meetings. There is just no time for everything.

I want to quit, for many reasons, but in the back of my head, I always have this feeling that I will relapse again. I also feel that I use my alcohol problem as an excuse for things in my life and that if alcohol is no longer a problem, I won't have an excuse for not exercising, not doing the best I can in school and work, not going out and getting a hobby etc. I'm so frustrated!

sugarbear1

I made time to drink. Making time to work a program for living sober is a small sacrifice for Living Life today! Try aa online chatroom. Meetings 8:30-9:30 am EST, 1:30-2:30 EST...check it out! Or listen to aa speakers online. You can do this! You're life is worth it!

Charon

Recovery people call that feeling "the pink cloud". It's important to know that it's will happen and that it will fade. You have to hang on after it fades till you really have a grip. It's hard but can be done .

But you have time to drink? Why not go to a meeting instead of drinking? Or call someone sober. Make no mistake - this is a battle and the cost of losing isn't pretty.

Would exercising, doing your best in school, finding a hobby that you really enjoy be so terrible. Seems to me you would be more alive that way. Just sayin'.

stuartp

4MyMel . . . This will be day 21 for me! If I can do it so can you. Let me explain.

"Ah - Screw It" this was my mantra for forever (usually after a day or so). Do you have a sponsor? Do you have others in the program you can call? I know for me, having others that I could talk to - and to some degree, 'report' into helped me. I knew I could have a drink for me (ah screw it), but then I felt I needed to 'fess up to the sponsor. ANd if I wasn't telling the truth, I somehow thought he'd know it. For me, this was much stronger help to not have that first drink, then even 'fessing up to my wife. (I spent way to long playing games with my drinking with her that I felt no obligation to her wrt to drinking (or sobriety for that matter).

And, after getting a bunch of days under my belt, I started to feel better - not always, but better.

You say your still in school. I assume you're still young (although I went back to school at 44 . You ahve a lot ahead of you, and, from my perspective, I wish I had sobered up 20 years ago . . . FOR REAL. But, I am grateful that I am doing it now and not 20 years from now.

Keep it up, keep going to meetings, get a sponsor - call them!!! You help them each time you call.

Keep us posted on how you're doing! - Stuart

twilli59

The commitment to sobriety in early recovery, for most people, requires desperation. When you reach the point where surrender sounds and feels like a relief...get to a meeting where they practice the program out of the Big Book, approach the person you sense would be a good sponsor and ask for help in working the steps. Until I did that, I could not get any relief on my own. Once I did that, I had a feeling that I had a chance - it felt different.
Never give up, but recognize that to recover the AA or NA way, you have to follow instructions. I wish you the best!

Anna

I'm glad you're back and trying again.

It sounds like you think that if you stop drinking and change nothing else, it will work out for you. I don't believe it will. Stopping drinking is the beginning. The journey of recovery is a lifelong journey and for me, I had to make a lot of big changes in my life. You need to begin dealing with the issues that the alcohol was covering up.

Opivotal

Sobriety needs to be your top priority. If you cannot make that commitment it won't work. There is no "magic fairy" to do it for you. I always wanted someone or something to come along and make everything better. When it got bad enough, I looked to myself for change.
You can do this, if you want to be sober more than you want to drink. You can then address the issues you use alcohol to deal with.



Best Wishes To You!

lund1982

4MyMel,

If you really want to recover, then, it seems to me, you need to put certain things on the back burner for a while & focus on your recovery. Exercise &, if she's supportive, spending time with your girlfriend can wait while you focus on your first priority: staying clean. I used to put a lot ahead of my sobriety too only to find myself reaching for a drink again. Ultimately, I had to make time for meetings to get better & find a sponsor to work the steps with. Girlfriends, exercise, & other things will always be there later on down the road, but sobriety won't if we don't allow it to be a part of our lives & work a program.

SomethingBetter

Quiting can be and just actualy may be the hardest thing youve ever done, ive went back to drinking so many times, thinking 'its just who i am', but it is possible, i now know this but it takes longer than 28 days like we see in the movies.

I think relapses happen before the actual drink, you got to know your done, then never pick up again, no matter what.

If you cant get this in your head on your own then get a support program, Ive wasted so many years going back to boozing thinking everything else was the problem.

To this day i still hold on tight to my sobriety because i know i could loose it now just as easily as i could after the 20th or 28th day.

Dig deep, want it, find others that are doing the same.

SerenityStarbuc

4MyMel - I noticed you wrote, "I also feel that I use my alcohol problem as an excuse for things in my life and that if alcohol is no longer a problem, I won't have an excuse for not exercising, not doing the best I can in school and work, not going out and getting a hobby etc. I'm so frustrated!"

I am a n00b so I won't speak much to the process of quitting, but I will say that I recognize myself in your words. I am also a pretty high-achieving person, and I think one reason I have loved drinking so much is that it gave me an EXCUSE not to have to be DOING SOMETHING all the time (working, spending quality time with family, working out, etc.) Maybe you need to give yourself permission to be kind of lazy when sober? I pretty much laid around the house all this past weekend, being both lazy and sober, and I sort of loved it. Maybe you and I don't really need alcohol to 'relax'?? Maybe, in fact, alcohol isn't all that "relaxing." Maybe it's a way to avoid fear of failure and fear of success? I don't know - just some thoughts.

Best of wishes on your journey to sobriety! I am going through it too!!

4MyMel

Wow, yes you are right. I do feel pressured to always be doing something. Sitting around the house just seems like such a waste to me. If I'm sitting at home drunk, I guess I don't feel that bad about it because I'm drunk and can't do anything anyway.

For me, I get very hyperactive the first two weeks or so, that quickly wears off, I get bored and depressed and start drinking again.

eJoshua

I think it's important to approach your recovery with this thought in mind. Prepare yourself for the fact that life will not be all gumdrops and roses forever. Even when you're not drinking there's still a whole lot of crap that you'll have to deal with, including depression, loss, boredom, etc.

Life goes on whether we drink or not. The thing that I've experienced now at 4 months in is that I'm better equipped to deal with my issues when I'm sober. It's not like my problems disappear, but I can't work on fixing them when I'm drinking. If I'm sober I can get to work to fix the things in my life I'm not happy with: depression, anxiety, feelings of purposelessness, etc.

Best of luck in your continued fight for long term sobriety.