Healthyfood

I managed to stay sober and happy for 5 days. Well done me! All week had to listen how other people were waiting for this weekend. The majority of them had plans to have a drink. Normal for them.
So my mistake I bought that wine and had it last night. And Im happy I did, cause I realized its not worth it at all. I have some left over and might get some more to be 100% sure that its actually boring.
While I was sober I did so much, yesterday I just sat and watched tv.
Im making a proper plan this time and Im restarting on Monday, I will stay good this time the whole week including weekend. I found these rules very helpful:

Rule nr one: do not bring any alco home!
Rule nr two: do not be hungry and angry
Rule nr three: urge is just emotion and will go away. Wait till its gone, just sit and wait, do not do any thing else.

Im sure this time I will be stronger!

Healthyfood

Actually I just wanted to add. I felt so bored last night, so I decided to pour the rest of wine out and stick to my rule nr one starting from today rather than Monday.
I felt so bored while drinking, sobriety feels much much better!!!!!!

ajangel

How awesome Heatlhyfood. I bet you felt liberated pouring that wine down the sink. A little sick that you wasted the money but if you kept it around, temptation would have been too great. I am so proud of you. We can lead a happy life without alcohol. Keep staying strong. Good plan by the way.

Anna

Not buying and alcohol and bringing it into your house is a good start!

recoverywfaith

Have a great sober day!

WritingFromLife

I remember exactly what you are talking about---i did the same the thing--stopped drinking for a week or two, and then drank wine--didn't finish the bottle--spent most of the time noticing the contrast between those "evening drinks" and not drinking--i went from doing productive things like reading, running, or even watching something on TV that I WANTED to watch (like the history channel or something--not just throwing my brain to the TV) to just SITTING, and thumbing through house magazines (never able to be focused enough to read the articles) and the TV with something mindless on in the background.

What the h___ was the point? To veg out? Just no fun!

sugarbear1

I did that, ended up drunk for 2 years after 30 days sober. Day 89 today. You CAN do it!

indakut

Awesome plan

MycoolFitz

Boredom is not a natural state. I doubt if a rabbit in the field or a bird in a tree knows boredom, they are just being rabbit or bird. Numbing our brain, damping our emotions, depressing our systems create boredom. Don't drink and keep moving, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Be the rabbit, be the bird.

"It has taken four billion years of evolution to generate this kind of organism with this kind of brain, and yet we wake up in the morning and feel bored." -- Stephen Batchelor, article "Suspending Belief", Inquiring Mind, vol. 27 no. 1.

Healthyfood

Thank you all very much for supporting me. It was not too much left over, so I poured it out! All of it! Might be more than a glass. Still I managed to get rid of it.
Today I went shopping, every second person had something to drink in their trolley. Very hard to go through the shop and control the feelings. But to be honest, it is hard to resist, but as time passes I hope it will get easier every day.
The reason I also feel stronger a little bit, is because since I was sober for 5 days, good things just started to show up in my life, that never happened before.
Yoga says alcohol is blocking good things and luck coming into our lives.

So if I relapsed yesterday (day5) what day is today?
First day? Day 6, with 1 relapse?

MycoolFitz

So if I relapsed yesterday (day5) what day is today?
First day? Day 6, with 1 relapse?

For me it would be day 1. Keep it simple, keep it honest.

Healthyfood

MycoolFitz

Really, so basically every time some one relapses starts from day 1 again? Uh thats sad. But makes sense. Ok then its my day one, glad is Saturday, not Monday. The hardest are the weekends.

WritingFromLife

Just because it's day one doesn't mean those 5 days are trash. You learned lots!
It isn't easy to pour the last glass down the sink--not at all.

You are headed in the right direction.

Keep checking in here, don't drink, and great things will happen :-)

Healthyfood

WritingFromLife

So then I have to count again from day 1. Not impressed. Feel not very happy at the moment. I think because I had poison last night. My mind is playing with me.

Currently Im scared of the thought that I can't drink and how can I get a nice, high, relaxed feeling. Can't find any.

MycoolFitz

They'll come if you stay with it. Sobriety is about not drinking. Recovery is about learning or relearning how to gert those good feelings and highs naturally. Its about changing attitudes, thoughts and behaviors. Freedom comes from within, not from a bottle. Don't worry as much about the days as how you live them. Work it hard and you'll reap the rewards. In adition to your three good rules and SR are you getting other support and doing other things for your recovery?

Anna

That's it, HealthyFood - Recovery is about changing everything from the inside out.

And, honesty is crucial.

Healthyfood

I just overcome my urge again. Was hard to wash the wine glasses and put them in storage. Its probably hard because its Saturday.

I was thinking may be my relationship (7years) with my ex was not perfect, because I was addictive to the poison?

We still call each other and meet twice month. We always drunk when we met. Not him, just me. He would have just a little drink.

I was thinking would it be dangerous for me to tell him the truth that Im willing to change and be happy without a drink. If the day is full of activities there will not be time to drink. Was thinking about the theme park, roller coasters.

CaiHong

Healthyfood I was thinking about what you wrote. I think what drove us here, to the recovery room or AA was how bad we felt at the end of our drinking, shame guilt remorse and so on. After some days sober we are starting to feel good again (because we are not drinking) but perhaps a little bored not sure what to do with ourselves, miss that high perhaps That is the time to go to a meeting, The mind is a cunning animal. Personally I do miss that initial high but I know where that leads and it isn't worth it.
You know all this stuff now you need to believe it. Good luck
Cai Hong

Healthyfood

CaiHong

Personally I do miss that initial high but I know where that leads and it isn't worth it.

Yes this is exactly what helps me to stay away. To be honest Im really bored. I have 3-5 urges a day still. I managed to stay clean for 5 days and the I relapsed just for 5 hours and then 2 days clean again. For the first 5 days I felt amazing, but know is different. Is it may be cause I relapsed? But Im 2 days clean, why it is not changing?

Missy7

How you doing this morning? I'm on day 4 round ??. But I feel good today and quite different. You know why? I've started going to AA. Are you going? I don't want to become some AA evangelist, but I would always have defended the idea that being with people and making commitments is what is going to help us at whatever we want to do.

I'm so glad you poured the wine out. I've had to do that a couple of times to get it figured out. Then, when I recently damned near killed myself, my husband poured everything in the house out while I slept. Heck, I'm not even sure we still have vanilla.

Even if you hadn't poured it out, eventually you would. So just do it, buy some tennis shoes and get on with your life.

Me too. I'm talking to myself too.