soberviking

I was doing pretty good up until I started a binger. I swear it was like I was on auto pilot or something. I wasn't even thinking about it, haven't been on my mind all day long or even for the past couple days then *BAM!!* there I was picking up motor oil and a 30pk. Went home poured me some beers in my old favorite tankard then sat in front of it for what seem like an eternity debating if I should do this or not, obviously I lost the debate and drank it. Woke up the next day surprisingly not feeling to bad, but I kind of knew it would work out that way. Been up and down this road before, my first relapse hangover is always mild. Kind of like my mind psyching me up for a return to drinking and everything would be better this time around. A few days later here I am at that old spot feeling like an idiot. Ditched work today, feeling like hell, having bad anxiety attacks the whole 9 yards.

Well as my Dad once said whining about wont help. So just have to tough it out and get back on that wagon.

sugarbear1

Cunning, baffling, & powerful.

I was warned that the relapse is silent. Glad you are here!

Klynn33

relapses do suck! in the same boat myself, and just trying to get through today......

lots of room here on the wagon.....maybe we can run over relapse's as* while we're on it.......

good thing I've realized from being on here is sometimes there's an end to the relapses and eventually people get it right. pretty sure we'll get there too!

sorry for the anxiety and crappy feeling today. chin up - it'll get better

MycoolFitz

Well no point feeling like an idiot, better to focus on your sobriety and what you need to do to maintain it. Sometimes relapse is a message that what we're doing isn't working and we need to make some changes. Hopefully you'll be able to move on and keep working a program that works for you. My best.

Dee74

Sorry to hear that SV.

Have you considered what you'll do this time? Maybe doing something different this time may make a difference in the outcome?

D

ajangel

Welcome back. Yes relapse sucks. You did come back though. Give yourself credit. Keep coming back. You're worth it.

SomethingBetter

Yea Ive done that, by the time I buy the booze it's hard talking myself out of drinking just one, when I drink the first one it's even harder talking myself out of the next one, then the next few... it's like it had me before I ever had a chance.

I am glad you decided not to give up...

JimE

Yes, relapsing sucks alright. I did it more than once but I always went straight for the vodka. It's been over 20 yrs but the memory is still pretty fresh. When I went back out (meaning relapsing) I had little or no debate going on in my mind about whether or not I would get drunk.

The best thing to do is call a sober friend when the thoughts or urges start up in our heads, I just didn't want to do that, I wanted to drink. Like Dee asked, are there any things you might do differently this time? I got sober and have stayed this way probably because I got into AA and the steps....but that's just me.(and many others) If a die hard, impulsive kind of guy like me can do it, anyone can. You did good stopping the insanity early this time and posting about it. I always had terrible remorse following a bender.

Zebra1275

Welcome back! So what are you going to do different this time so it doesn't happen again?

ACT10Npack

Learn from your relapse and move on. It's the only thing you will learn from it.

Steadwell

If only there was a method to take a snapshot of how we feel after an episode "as in a photograph", we could keep that at our constant avail and remember why we decided to refrain from alcohol in the first place and perhaps we that would stem the "relapse".

BTW, I personally don't like the term "relapse" because with this disease, there really isn't a relapse, we are "full blown" and "acute" at all times anyway.

Don't beat yourself up too much, just climb back on the the wagon with some new learned lessons.

By God if I've done it and made it. Anybody can!!

Stead

P.S. of course none of us have "made it", just this day.

least

I (finally) stopped having relapses when I (finally) stopped allowing myself to drink.

sugarbear1

You helped me to realize I am actually angry underneath my facade of feeling ok with the world. You also allowed me more insight to how a relapse really is a quiet thing lurking inside. I must be more diligent today. Because of you, I will be talking to many people in person and on the phone tomorrow.

I thank you very much. Peace

1undone

This was me yesterday. I had to take my hind end to AA tonight and let it all out. Thankfully it was one day of drinking and I was able to get my people back in my court. I can't do this alone and the biggest issue I have is asking for help. I hope you will get support as this is one heck of a battle! All my best to you fellow worrier!

eJoshua

Good point, least.

I let myself slip back in many many times. The truth was, I wasn't actively trying to stay sober. I was only worrying about drinking when it was pressing on my mind and I spent a lot of time with white knuckles.

Now I try to focus on my recovery a little bit every day, even if I don't feel like I need to. This has been working for me so far, at 4 months in.

I've totally been there, soberviking. The great thing is, you only wasted a few days in your relapse, not a few years. Thank God you came back and thank God you realize the mistake you made.

Best of luck to you in your recovery!

blackstrat6

There is no magic pill or we would be addicted to THAT. All we can do is keep trying..

eddie73

A head full of AA and a belly full of beer is a very hard place to have to come from. There is no choice though, you have to give it your best shot. Ive slipped many times before although I am months and months sober now. Hope you find the strength to do it this time!