ajangel

I just received some terrible news about my brother. I'm worried about my sobriety. I tend to hide, shut down when bad things happen. I do not feel like drinking now, but when my sisters come down here, the stress is going to be hard to deal with. I am trying to put my trust in my higher power.It's not easy for me. I have to be strong for myself and my family. I feel like I am being selfish

MycoolFitz

I'm so sorry about your bad news. You sound like you're very much aware of the possible triggers involved which is positive. You know of course, that drinking may numb your reactions but they won't alter the reality behind the news. I think the only way to deal with the painful feelings is to give yourself permission to feel them. I know, fore me, when the alcoholic numbness wears off, the pain is just there waiting to pounce plus all the negative feelings from drinking and the realization that "I" wasn't really there in a situation where "I" needed to be. As far as selfish, there's a big difference between it and care for the self. As the airlines say when the oxygen masks decend place yours on first before assisting others. My best thoughts are with you and yours.

sugarbear1

I will pray for you. Try to journal your feelings or call someone.

Drinking will make you feel worse. Get your chip and hold it all day. It's hard to do much pouring of a bottle with 1 hand. Why did you stop drinking, to feel better, stop killing yourself, to live. Life happens. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, but don't drink. The bad feelings will get numb & come back if you get sober again.

Don't drink, say prayers, get to a meeting. Call your sponsor or network. I' m available, too.

I am so sorry to hear your sorrow. I feel your pain. Please don't drink. You are important and need to think clearly. Let us know what happens. Peace & hugs

basias

Hi, and I am sorry about your misfortune......I only have 12 days, and am not in a position to offer much advice. However, I do remember your posts to me during my detox and they were very much appreciated. I too have triggers, and I too have a tendency to withdraw into myself. When I start becoming anxious about anything I begin alienating and one thing leads to another until I lose control. I am glad I am aware of those triggers, I just need to learn how to over-come them, and the advice I have gotten from you and many others on this site is making me a stronger person. I will say a prayer for you.

alchy

I too am worried about relapsing in a family crisis or illness etc. But I hope to be able to remember that alcohol will not help it in any way. And that even through whatever is going on, the crisis will still be there in the morning, but I will be even less able to deal with it hungover and ashamed.

I've seen many posts of people who have relapsed during family crisis and not one of them came here and said they were so glad they drank and that it helped. It is always shame and withdrawals in addition to the crisis that is still there.
I can rationally think now that I hope I will search out those posts to help me decide NOT to drink, and hopefully some posts of people who managed to abstain in the same situations. I hope I have the presence of mind to search them out if and when I need them.
Maybe that might help you?
Good luck and I'm sorry for what your family is going through. Hang in there.

Ranger

LPN - what is more selfish, valuing sobriety like the priceless treasure it is or reverting to an alcoholic oblivion where you are no good to anyone?

You need you sober, your family needs you sober.

ajangel

This must be that feeling of something bad is about to happen that I posted about yesterday. Strange.

Fenris

If you have a sponsor, please call her and let her know what's going on. I echo what Fitz said about the oxygen masks -- it's not selfish to take care of yourself.

ajangel

I tried. She didn't answer. I am leaving for my meeting in 20mintues. I will get my month chip and maybe discuss it with the members. Probably not. I never told anyone when I had troubles. Funny that I have no issues telling everyone here about my personal life.

sugarbear1

Wow! Your higher power speaking. Wow!!

I had that one day. All day. Long story short, that "feeling" stopped me from going with my room mate, Janet, to a swim party. I fell asleep, awakened by a phone call (I missed the nightly news or I would have found out then) only to find out she died in an auto accident (not her fault) 45 minutes after she begged me to go. That "feeling" ....saved me.

Zebra1275

You had already left for your meeting when I posted this, but I hope you opened up to someone in AA about what your feeling. It can help.

If you haven't, there is no rule against going to a second AA meeting later today.

newwings

Hi Ip, sorry to hear you are dealing with bad family news. You CAN get through this. I clearly understand the temptation to open the bottle to avoid having to deal, but - and I truly believe this - drinking makes you see the negative in emotional situations. Instead of asking yourself 'how can I process this? Is there anything positive I can glean from this?", you end up feeling like the world is falling apart.

I hope you managed to open up at the AA meeting. If you can, I think you'll feel much better, and you'll come away feeling lighter - particularly if you get a supporting and helpful group.

My Grandma used to say "A problem shared is a problem halved". It's not exactly true, but there's a grain of truth in it. We alchies are so used to switching off and shutting down, it's a whole new experience to SHARE. I hope you manage to share with your sisters, too and all be united in this current crisis.

Hugs.

LoftyIdeals

LPN...I'm sorry about your news. Prayers for you and him. Maybe the preconscious feeling in your stomach was for you to be ready. Coming here to share was a great response. Drinking about it would be a bad reaction. I hope you know we are here and thinking about you, and want you to keep your legs about you during this trial.

ajangel

I spoke about my issue in today's AA meeting. I wish I would not have. There was a new lady there and all the focus was on me. I felt it was more important for the new person to get support during her first meeting. I felt a bit uncomfortable.

alchy

I can't say for sure of course, but for me, if I were the new person I would have prefered the focus to not be on me anyway. I've only been to a friends aa birthday meeting to support him many years ago so again, I am no expert. But if I do go some day, I know for a fact I will want to be a quiet fly on the wall for a while and just observe the dynamics.
I'm sure she saw that it is a supportive group and that is what you want. Don't beat yourself up for using your group for what it is for. Support.

Dee74

We all need a little support sometimes lpn - that's not selfish. Had I been that newcomer, I'd have come away with a good impression of the group and meeting, and gone back

I'm sorry for your bad news - but you know as well as I do there's no news drinking can't make worse.

If you believe in portents, maybe it was no accident you got sober again a month ago?

Reaching out and leaning on those you trust for support is a far better way to get through any storms ahead.

you're not alone

D

ajangel

Thank you Dee. I'm not feeling like going out and drinking. It is the family dynamics that I am worried about. My family can put me over the edge. I am strong though. I have SR and AA now.

Hevyn

lpnangel - I'm so glad you came here to talk about this. As the others have said, drinking just makes you numb for awhile - it doesn't change anything. It's so much better to face bad things head on, with a clear head. Hiding from them only postpones dealing with them. I'm sure your brother wouldn't want to be the cause of you picking up again.

Please lean on us during this time, and know that we're all behind you. You can get through this without caving - I know you can.

wellwisher

Just a thought - have you considered that what the new woman needed to see was a group of peers coming to your aid?

Sorry for your brother's bad news. I've been there. My hindsight, being 20/20 ,tells me I made the right decision to stay sober during crisis. Give yourself that gift. It is about being fully there for one in need - alcohol robs us of that opportunity. My experience is that alcohol adds drama to the mix; makes us stay stuck in the groove of the record being played, makes us unavailable, and sets the stage for future regrets and possible shame to contend with.

Live in the moment, and do take care of yourself. A sober you is what is needed now.

God bless, and congrats on your 30 days - that certainly is something to smile about.

ajangel

I wish I could thank everyone who responded personally. I really needed that today. What an amazing group of people SR has. Gives me strength and hope.