Symmetry

I don't want to drink. I don't plan on drinking ever again. I just don't understand why thoughts of drinking plague my peace of mind. Drinking and being a drunk is gross and a terrible way to waste my life away. But I can't control the thoughts of drinking. I can control whether or not I physically drink but I'd really love to just give up and drown myself. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! That doesn't make any sense! I know! I'm not gonna do it. But why do these thoughts just invade my mind out of nowhere. They don't last long. Do they ever go away?

I just had to get this off my chest. Maybe they'll go away now.

eJoshua

They do go away from what I hear. Personally, I've been sober 4 months and it's gotten a TON better than it was.

Most people I talk to that have several years of recovery tell me they seldom get obsessive thoughts about drinking.

Dee74

I don't know anyone who can control their thoughts symmetry

We can learn not to act on them tho...to not let them rule us....and like others have said, I found it does get better with time

D

Symmetry

Thank goodness. That's hopeful. And it's fantasies of drinking. Not so much like I'm climbing up walls fighting an urge. Fantasies and urges feel different to me. I think urges are more tolerable...

yeahgr8

It's the mental obsession and it always meant i went back to drinking whether it be one day dry or a year...with work it can be treated, i did it in AA and what a relief to have it removed...can't imagine being sober for long and having to live with any thoughts or cravings for alcohol, on a regular basis, would drive me crazy...

Terminally Unique

Perhaps not entirely, but overall, they should become less frequent and weaker over time. After a while, they will be but a minor nuisance compared to what you are feeling now, and you will have far more experience dealing with them.

Think of it like exercise. The more you work a muscle, the stronger it gets, and the less effort you require the next time you use it. Running a mile is exhausting at first if you haven't walked around the block in a year, but after you get used to it, running a mile is nothing.

It is the same with abstinence.

Supercrew

I don't know if they go away forever, but for me the only drinking thoughts I have had since January are, "no thanks, I don't drink". I was obsessed with drinking for over 20 years, and when I first got sober I thought about drinking constantly for the first couple of months.

Something just clicked for me and now any urge or thought of drinking is gone. At one point the thought of drinking turn my stomach like the thought of drinking urine, but now it just doesn't happen, (it's an apathetic feeling now), and I am around drinking and drinkers all of the time.

So I can't say it goes away for everyone, but it has for me. In fact the only time drinking comes up in my mind is when I am on this forum, and it's completely negative.

mhealer3

dear friends, how true it is that we all have thoughts that make us feel bad.
i have found it's not very productive to over-analyze them, but to disagree with them based on solid evidence. here's what i mean:
most 'junk-thots' are based on memories of some rejection or failure or fear we've suffered.
instead of getting the protection or praise we needed, we got mocked, threatened or rejected: by someone we thought of as God-like.(usually our parent, later a lover)
i know we all feel bad about certain elements of ourselves, but
the ONLY thing that overcomes all the lies in our heads (that cause us grief),
is the TRUTH that God is crazy about you. and what God says trumps all.
your Creator has not rejected you--like religion says.
indeed God Spared us all-- by allowing Jesus 2 come & suffer death as our substitute.
we aren't told in church that Jesus paid it all, He did all the work:"it is finished".
to which we can add nothing but our gratitude.
truly we can have all of God's Goodness in our lives for free,
because we could never earn it or deserve it anyway....
God knew that. *****so He Himself PROVIDED what He REQUIRED:******
pure Righteousness--in the person of Jesus Christ, (the only Name that Saves).
"whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely". (rev 22:17)
blessings from new york state

raindancer11

I know what you mean about fantasies vs urges. When urges come up, it's usually because of habit due to time of day or being in a certain environment. Like you, I can deal with those more easily. When those enticing fantasy thoughts come up, I've been saying "Not ever going to happen" or "There is that warped, delusional thinking again."

The key for me this time is that I feel good about responding this way not deprived like I did before. It's definitely getting easier and less frequent so hang in there.

Dee74

I found the 'play the tape through' thing was useful for me an my alcoholic fantasies.

It's easy to think nostalgically about drinking...

it's harder to force ourselves to 'play the tape through to the end' and literally force ourselves to think of the consequences of our drinking...the embarrassments, the illness, the bad decisions, the fights...

D

SomethingBetter

If thoughts were like a boat floating down a river, think of yourself on the bank side watching them slowly pass by instead of constantly being in the boat with them.

The thoughts do get easier to deal with.

yeahgr8

Sorry just to clarify my earlier post its been over 2 years sober and in all that time i have not had one craving or thought about drinking...that's coming from being a daily drinker who could not stop for a couple of days let alone a couple of years...you could do what i did and go to AA, get a sponsor and do what they did...or not, up to you:-)

Like i said i certainly would not be able to stay sober if i had cravings or everytime i went out with booze around was triggered into thinking about how great drinking was or not...i would just take a drink and say **** it, that i am certain of because i tried staying dry many, many times on my own willpower and it sucked (sucked is not a strong enough word)!

instant

I suggest you read the Big Book. I think you are describing the "obsession". Working on the basis that you have totally surrendered to sobriety, in my expereince the intensity will diminish over time. I spent the first two months in a constant intense state of thinking about not drinking (despite being committed to not drinking, ie a lack of desire). It nearly drove me crazy at times. I have 90 days coming up this weekend. The thought is still there but much less intense and I have far more sense of 'freedom' in my mind.

I think of it as the second phase of alcohol withdrawal the first being the well described medical event.

Symmetry

So true!!! Play that tape to the end or don't start it at all!

Symmetry

Oh sure! I like that. Just observe and know that it will pass.

ElvisInASkirt

Totally.

Funny how you just remember the initial buzz but not the gradual deadening of the mind and the grey-brown-black carnival that goes with it.

Feeling sick and depressed for days after.

Totally awful!

Symmetry

Yeah, if it never got easier...thank goodness there are those who have gone before us who have their experiences to share. I believe.

EmeraldRose

Like with most things I am learning to associate my feelings with the emotions that are governed by certain thoughts.
I am learning to 'manage' and keep control of my grieving thoughts about drinking again. Let it go. It's useless worry and brain space because I know drinking is completely out of the question. I think it gets easier but never actually 'goes away'. Like the grieving process of a loved one -you learn to cope, learn to live life but their is a void in the heart.
I work in a store where ALOT of booze is sold. It is a daily challenge overcoming the grief of never being able to drink again when so many people can buy booze to put up their feet after a long day and relax. Phffft! What's up with that?

Symmetry

Yes. Warped for sure. I never experienced feeling good or invigorated after coming down off a buzz. Never. Always tired and lackluster. If I wanted to get rid of that feeling I'd have drink more or stay in bed. Yep. I don't want that.

Symmetry

I quit smoking 6 years ago. I will never start again but every once in a while think about it and the pleasure of it. Im not bothered by these at all. Much like old memories of childhood or whatever, I'll never be able to relive them but I'll always have them until I forget them.