chelseabun

I think that in my heart I am becoming increasingly aware that my mother is an alcoholic. I'm not sure if there is such as thing as a Power Addict but her desire to maintain control and her drinking seems to run side by side, co-dependantly. Her 'control factor' has become my 'fear factor': - I'm terrified to speak out as she is a functioning alcoholic, incredibly successful as a business woman but I live with her and have seen the flip side of the coin on many an occasion. To see a parent self-destruct is extremely painful but I have chosen to be on the recieving end of the verbal and very recent physical abuse because I'm her DAUGHTER. Feeling very lost at present and alone. Any advice would be great??? Thanks x

catlovermi

I'm totally not awake to respond in a coherent manner, but I want to at least welcome you to the forum until others come along. We know your pain, and I hope you will read around in the meantime to realize you have found a home here of people who have lived in your situation.

A good place to start is the sticky section at the top of the list of topics.

A great place for real life support is local meetings of Al-anon, a free support group for loved ones of alcoholics.

Please make yourself at home, and know others will be along who are more awake than I am, to respond!

Sending support,

CLMI

Fandy

you do not deserve ANY form of abuse, verbal or physical. Please do not keep this to yourself. TELL someone and ask for help. You don't say how old you are, so I have no idea if you are trapped with her or able to move.

again, find a family member today and unburden yourself if you can. Your mother could very well kill someone drinking drunk, you stated above that you jumped out of a moving car,you could have been seriously hurt...that doesn't sound so high-functioning to me. It sounds like any selfish drunk.

wellnowwhat

because I'm her DAUGHTER.

Hi. The way I see it, it is my job to raise my children by giving them love, a healthy environment, tools to deal with tough and awkward situations, tools to see good and beautiful things, an education (within my financial means), and basically set the groundwork so that they can live healthy, happy and productive lives, love and be loved, and don't need me.

I feel their role is to learn and grow and move forward (yes, there may be slips) to being independent, happy, healthy adults that can love and be loved.

I feel that I want them to remain always in my life in a loving way because we've been able to maintain a loving relationship and not because they feel they owe me something because I birthed them.

I grew up in a house where my mother felt that the fact of her motherhood meant we owed her a great deal, regardless of how she fulfilled her end of the relationship. So while I try to instill in my children some manners and a little bit of the sense of familial obligations (getting together on holidays, helping each other out, call grandma on her birthday...), I don't want them to feel obligated by their role in the family when the behaviour of the other family member negates the bond.

You don't have to suffer abuse, or this tough situation, because you are "the daughter". It's ok to choose not to be part of this craziness. What befalls your mother is because of her choices. And that is ok.

Sorry, I don't mean to get so long-winded or lecture, it's just that the "but she's my mother..." type of thinking kept me in a bad way for way too long.

Tuffgirl

It's scary to watch someone self-destruct as well as act crazy while intoxicated. Believe me - there were times I was outright afraid of my very angry drunk husband. I didn't stick around for those times very much, and finally left for good to avoid being the butt of his bad attitudes, drunk or sober. Do you have another place you can go...a place you feel safe?