Stoolie1326

Hi,

This is my first time reaching out to others going through sober recovery. I'm pretty much the standard story of blacking out 5 days a week for a long period of time, and convincing myself that I was doing it for fun, when in fact I was masking an apparent anxiety problem. I started abusing alcohol when I was 13 and enjoyed the ride all the way until I turned 22. I always told myself that I would stop once college ended, however my body had other plans for me. I started going through terrible bouts of insomnia and anxiety this summer. I went 10 days sober, and then convinced myself that I had healed and was able to drink a few beers. 20 drinks later I realized that moderate drinking wasn't something that I am currently able to partake in. I then went through more episodes of extreme anxiety, and I decided if I wanted to be a successful lawyer (my plan since high school) I would have to become completely sober for an extended period of time. I'm now 66 days sober, and feeling pretty good. I've been working out a lot, and for the first time in 4 years believe that I am in good shape. I'm dealing with anxiety, but it isn't as overwhelming as it was during the first 4 weeks of sobriety. I guess my only problem is that I am returning to college in 3 weeks, and I continue to tell myself that I will be able to have 2-3 beers a night at college, and not be persuaded/tempted to drink more. I guess I'm wondering whether anybody has gone through a similar experience, and if so, did you completely abstain from drinking, or did you dabble and use willpower not to booze?

MycoolFitz

Welcome. Glad you're joining us on SR. For me there is no dabbling, I know at some point sooner than later I'll be back where I was and worse. I also found it didn't matter if I changed locations, environments or jobs, I took my dis-ease with me no matter what. Not drinking is my only sane option. Good work on your sober time, and my best to you as you pursue your goals.

Suresh

I thinks like most of us, there is no 1 or 2... cuz deep down we all know we can't stop at that. It will progress to more and before you know it you'll be back down the black hole you once were and pretty soon you'll be feeling sick and sorry for yourself, and the cycle will continue. Its either drink or none at all. I think we all want the latter, though hard as it may be, isn't impossible, and very worth it at the end of the day. Congrats on your 66 days!

Opivotal

Alcohol definitely exacerbates anxiety IMO. If your plan is to become a lawyer I would dedicate my time doing that, instead of dabbling with drinking. It's such a slippery slope to "try" controlled drinking. It was for me anyway. I never succeeded.

Congratulations on 66 days...that's terrific. Remember, no one but yourself, can pick up that first drink. Your feeling better, why play with fire?




Best Wishes To You!