Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
Hello
I am new to the site. Been lurking for awhile. Looking for support as I get my 19 month old son and myself away from the alcoholic baby-daddy who verbally and mentally abuses me on a daily basis.
Living 'with' him and accepting the bad behavior is no longer an option for me. I feel like I am going CRAZY and it is affecting the behavior of my baby.
Just wanted to say hello and get some encouragement.
Living 'with' him and accepting the bad behavior is no longer an option for me. I feel like I am going CRAZY and it is affecting the behavior of my baby.
Just wanted to say hello and get some encouragement.
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Well hello and welcome to this site. This forum has been wonderful for me. I have been living with my alcoholic husband, and it has been a whirlwind of an emotional rollercoaster. I too have been struggling with the idea of leaving someone that I love to keep my sanity. I am just not there yet. There is a lot of support on this website, and definitely feel free to share. We will listen and give advice if wanted.
I am glad you are here.
I am glad you are here.
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Hello, Chron,
Welcome!
Since you've been lurking, I hope you have had a chance to read the helpful stickies ^ above. These are the permanent posts that kind of give some pointers on how we found ourselves here, too.
I hope you have also found a wonderful safe, nurturing place for you and your baby. I think you've given your little family a great gift in seeking out some serenity for yourself. I find that I am able to raise my son with better focus when I'm healthy mentally, spiritually, and physically.
If you have a chance, you may also find some support at your local Al-anon. I've heard that many of them also offer free babysitting, so that may be a great option for you to get the face to face support many of us have found so empowering.
:ghug3
Welcome!
Since you've been lurking, I hope you have had a chance to read the helpful stickies ^ above. These are the permanent posts that kind of give some pointers on how we found ourselves here, too.
I hope you have also found a wonderful safe, nurturing place for you and your baby. I think you've given your little family a great gift in seeking out some serenity for yourself. I find that I am able to raise my son with better focus when I'm healthy mentally, spiritually, and physically.
If you have a chance, you may also find some support at your local Al-anon. I've heard that many of them also offer free babysitting, so that may be a great option for you to get the face to face support many of us have found so empowering.
:ghug3
It is what it is
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 280
Keep coming back. I've been exactly where you are. Alcoholic/Addict baby-daddy (didn't know he had a drug problem), 24 month old and enough craziness for a lifetime. Effected my kids negatively too. One day you just have enough and do what you have to to survive. This is a great site and you will find all the support you could ever want.
If you want to privately talk, send me a private message and we can exchange e-mail addresses. Good luck to you. Do what you know is right for you and your child.
Peace,
Jen
If you want to privately talk, send me a private message and we can exchange e-mail addresses. Good luck to you. Do what you know is right for you and your child.
Peace,
Jen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Welcome to SR, Chronsweet. You're not crazy. You're an amazing and strong woman protecting her baby and herself.
Do you have in-real-life support to help you through all this? After I left XAAH (ex abusive alcoholic husband, maybe that should be AAXH....) I was sure that the local DV shelter was just for women who had been physically battered by their husbands. I was so scared to contact them, even after a mental health counselor told me to. But they have been an amazing support, and hearing from them that I wasn't crazy, that what XAAH put me through was abuse and unjustified, helped me slowly realize that I'm not crazy.
Wishing you peace and continued strength. You are a great mom and a strong woman!
Do you have in-real-life support to help you through all this? After I left XAAH (ex abusive alcoholic husband, maybe that should be AAXH....) I was sure that the local DV shelter was just for women who had been physically battered by their husbands. I was so scared to contact them, even after a mental health counselor told me to. But they have been an amazing support, and hearing from them that I wasn't crazy, that what XAAH put me through was abuse and unjustified, helped me slowly realize that I'm not crazy.
Wishing you peace and continued strength. You are a great mom and a strong woman!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
Thanks for the welcoming words! I have been contemplating leaving on/off since before my baby was born but have always been 'talked into' staying with him by basically his mother. LOL. He says some very, very cruel things to me. It is crazy and I started to feel crazy before I realized that I have to get out of here.
I actually met with a woman who is renting a room tonight. I am going to be moving out in a week or two, hopefully before the 1st of the month if I can get the cash up. I am giving my 30 day notice tomorrow.
I have given this guy chance after chance after chance and it is only getting worse and worse. He drinks daily to the point of complete intoxication and torments me daily. I made the mistake of getting him a job because I had supported his dead beat ass for 3.5 years and couldn't stand looking at him on the couch anymore. Plus, I thought with a job maybe he'd get some self confidence back, our relationship would improve, and we'd live happily ever after, blah, blah blah. The only things that happened were 1. he has MORE money to drink and does so in a disgusting manner to oblivion each and every day 2. has accused me of having an affair at work with some guy who I have absolutely not (he is married w/ kids and I haven't EVER cheated) and is spreading lies about me and this guy which is eventually going to get him fired (my boss LOVES me and has already said he'd fire him) 3. his confidence (narcissist) is so inflated now that he feels superior to everyone who has been working with the company for decades (which too, will end up getting him fired)
Sorry to go off on tangents, just feel so extremely angry at trying to love someone and help someone to the point of making myself sick and crazy and just feeling like he really doesn't give a damn about me and the baby. It sucks. But, it is life. I have to be strong for my child and I can't let him see the arguing and the drinking every day. He picks up the beer bottles and hands them to his father. I don't drink, maybe a beer every 2 months, and i mean ONE beer. He drinks like 12-18 a day lately, denies the amount he drinks and says he isn't an alcoholic because it is just beer. And the empty bottles I have been finding empty around the house are 'old'.
Sigh. I feel great about the woman I met tonight though. It feels kind of strange to think about living in another person's home but there was no anxiety when I met her, the place has a pool, a sauna and 2 gyms!
I will be back and sharing because i SOOOO need supportive, kind words and encouragement right now to do the one thing that is going to make my life and my son's HAPPY again.
I actually met with a woman who is renting a room tonight. I am going to be moving out in a week or two, hopefully before the 1st of the month if I can get the cash up. I am giving my 30 day notice tomorrow.
I have given this guy chance after chance after chance and it is only getting worse and worse. He drinks daily to the point of complete intoxication and torments me daily. I made the mistake of getting him a job because I had supported his dead beat ass for 3.5 years and couldn't stand looking at him on the couch anymore. Plus, I thought with a job maybe he'd get some self confidence back, our relationship would improve, and we'd live happily ever after, blah, blah blah. The only things that happened were 1. he has MORE money to drink and does so in a disgusting manner to oblivion each and every day 2. has accused me of having an affair at work with some guy who I have absolutely not (he is married w/ kids and I haven't EVER cheated) and is spreading lies about me and this guy which is eventually going to get him fired (my boss LOVES me and has already said he'd fire him) 3. his confidence (narcissist) is so inflated now that he feels superior to everyone who has been working with the company for decades (which too, will end up getting him fired)
Sorry to go off on tangents, just feel so extremely angry at trying to love someone and help someone to the point of making myself sick and crazy and just feeling like he really doesn't give a damn about me and the baby. It sucks. But, it is life. I have to be strong for my child and I can't let him see the arguing and the drinking every day. He picks up the beer bottles and hands them to his father. I don't drink, maybe a beer every 2 months, and i mean ONE beer. He drinks like 12-18 a day lately, denies the amount he drinks and says he isn't an alcoholic because it is just beer. And the empty bottles I have been finding empty around the house are 'old'.
Sigh. I feel great about the woman I met tonight though. It feels kind of strange to think about living in another person's home but there was no anxiety when I met her, the place has a pool, a sauna and 2 gyms!
I will be back and sharing because i SOOOO need supportive, kind words and encouragement right now to do the one thing that is going to make my life and my son's HAPPY again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
Thanks MT and yorkieg. I know he is BEAUTIFUL and I am determined to break the chains of bondage for him as far as alcoholism / addiction is concerned. He certainly IS beautiful and so full of life and innocence that I can't allow that to be ruined. He deserves to be the child I was never allowed to be.
I came from not an alcoholic home, but one FULL of meth addiction, ugh. I am well aware of the responsibilities I thought I had to shoulder, the shame of my household situation, the isolation and just wanting to feel accepted although I always felt so out of place. My child CANNOT experience that. I hope at 19 months he is young enough to be able to forget all the trauma his father and I have caused him by co-habitating in such an unhealthy environment. To be honest, I hate alcohol even MORE than drugs because the A is SOOOOO just so out-of-it and vulgarly unaware.
I will keep coming back because I find strength in numbers here, I feel welcome and not alone in feeling as if I am 'crazy' to want something better for my life and my son's.
Peace and love.
I came from not an alcoholic home, but one FULL of meth addiction, ugh. I am well aware of the responsibilities I thought I had to shoulder, the shame of my household situation, the isolation and just wanting to feel accepted although I always felt so out of place. My child CANNOT experience that. I hope at 19 months he is young enough to be able to forget all the trauma his father and I have caused him by co-habitating in such an unhealthy environment. To be honest, I hate alcohol even MORE than drugs because the A is SOOOOO just so out-of-it and vulgarly unaware.
I will keep coming back because I find strength in numbers here, I feel welcome and not alone in feeling as if I am 'crazy' to want something better for my life and my son's.
Peace and love.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
baby boys are SOOOO full of energy, mine is anyways, but they are oooo so very cool
I want to share a quote that I heard on the radio, "we only have ONE chance to raise our sons as men"
That quote has propelled me in seeking a better place for my son to live, with or without his father in the household. I won't ever NOT let his dad be part of his life, but he will NOT see him verbally and mentally abuse me anymore, accuse me of cheating incessantly, or hit me. That is not giving him the chance to be the man he can aspire to be.
I wish you luck with the birth of your son. It is a true miracle.
I want to share a quote that I heard on the radio, "we only have ONE chance to raise our sons as men"
That quote has propelled me in seeking a better place for my son to live, with or without his father in the household. I won't ever NOT let his dad be part of his life, but he will NOT see him verbally and mentally abuse me anymore, accuse me of cheating incessantly, or hit me. That is not giving him the chance to be the man he can aspire to be.
I wish you luck with the birth of your son. It is a true miracle.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: arizona
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by chronsweet 
baby boys are SOOOO full of energy, mine is anyways, but they are oooo so very cool
I want to share a quote that I heard on the radio, "we only have ONE chance to raise our sons as men"
That quote has propelled me in seeking a better place for my son to live, with or without his father in the household. I won't ever NOT let his dad be part of his life, but he will NOT see him verbally and mentally abuse me anymore, accuse me of cheating incessantly, or hit me. That is not giving him the chance to be the man he can aspire to be.
I wish you luck with the birth of your son. It is a true miracle.
I want to share a quote that I heard on the radio, "we only have ONE chance to raise our sons as men"
That quote has propelled me in seeking a better place for my son to live, with or without his father in the household. I won't ever NOT let his dad be part of his life, but he will NOT see him verbally and mentally abuse me anymore, accuse me of cheating incessantly, or hit me. That is not giving him the chance to be the man he can aspire to be.
I wish you luck with the birth of your son. It is a true miracle.
you seem like such an amazing mother already. sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. your son is very lucky to have you.
i hope you stay around on this forum, i think i'm going to. i'd be nice to keep in touch.
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Originally Posted by chronsweet
Skipper, not sure about the 'stickies'. I don't understand but I'd like to. 
So Sorry it took me a day or so to get back here. While you and Ramalan were talking about your babies, I was celebrating my son's 11th birthday!!:day6 It was yesterday he was your boys' ages!
Ok, back to the 'stickies' subject. That's the nickname we here at SR have given those permanent posts that appear at the top of the main page of "Friends and Family". You'll see several of those sticky posts, then the section where you find the active posts further down the same page.
Does that describe it better?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 293
Chron, my daughter who is now 5 & 1/2 was my biggest motivation to leave my AH who was an active A back then. I hit my bottom and realized I had to break the cycle (as you said) for her. I couldn't do it for me (we had been together for 14 and a half years). I kept thinking of what "insanity" is: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. I wanted different results but I kept doing the same things over and over. What could I do differently? After 14.5 years, I knew I had to leave. My parents have been together over 50 years, throughout all kinds of drama. I didn't want alcoholism and I didn't want anymore drama. I was too exhausted (mind, body, & soul). I needed to remove myself and our daughter (who was 3 & 1/2 at the time) from the insane, chaotic, unpredictable, unstable environment of active alcohol addiction. It was so hard and so sad, but I got to the point where I felt I had no choice. It was between the pain of leaving and the pain of staying and leaving definitely was the more attractive choice. Unlike you, Chron, who seems to be in positive, strong spirits, I felt completely defeated and broken when I finally decided to leave.
Long story short, since I've written about this so often. . . My husband started to rapidly decline after we left (I thought he would die) and eventually hit his bottom after I took our daughter and left. He went into recovery and has been sober for a year and a half. I waited for him to be one year sober before we moved back home with him.
Being an ACOA, I wanted something different for our daughter. The truth is, her life is turning out to be similar to my childhood because my father spent most of my conscious life sober (not an active alcoholic). He fell off the wagon a few times but he was and has been sober most of my life that I remember. What has negatively affected my own childhood and upbringing wasn't active alcoholism but the drama & craziness of my father's dry alcoholism, what felt like my mother's addiction to drama, and both of their inability to deal with life/human interactions in a healthy way. (Sometimes it felt like my mother wanted to trigger or provoke my father into drinking so she could punish him. Although he's the "alcoholic" he increasingly seems more like the co-dependent one. I guess one can be both.) That's why, even though my RAH is sober, I feel so strongly that *I* have to continue to work on myself, be the best person I can be, the best example I can be for our daughter. I am so far from perfect and kick myself everyday for not having done better *but* I am more aware than my parents have ever been. (I love my parents very much. I don't hold them responsible anymore for my own issues. I have a lot of gratitude and compassion for them. I do think they did the best they knew how. They gave me as much as they could with their own limitations which allow me the courage, the insight to do better, I hope, for my daughter. My parents too are ACOAs so I understand.) What I don't want to do is to repeat the cycle! I want it to end with my generation!
Your baby is worth making the changes for! Our children are worth it! They are gifts from the Universe! You go, Chron! And thank you, Chron, for this valuable reminder --not to repeat the cycle!
Long story short, since I've written about this so often. . . My husband started to rapidly decline after we left (I thought he would die) and eventually hit his bottom after I took our daughter and left. He went into recovery and has been sober for a year and a half. I waited for him to be one year sober before we moved back home with him.
Being an ACOA, I wanted something different for our daughter. The truth is, her life is turning out to be similar to my childhood because my father spent most of my conscious life sober (not an active alcoholic). He fell off the wagon a few times but he was and has been sober most of my life that I remember. What has negatively affected my own childhood and upbringing wasn't active alcoholism but the drama & craziness of my father's dry alcoholism, what felt like my mother's addiction to drama, and both of their inability to deal with life/human interactions in a healthy way. (Sometimes it felt like my mother wanted to trigger or provoke my father into drinking so she could punish him. Although he's the "alcoholic" he increasingly seems more like the co-dependent one. I guess one can be both.) That's why, even though my RAH is sober, I feel so strongly that *I* have to continue to work on myself, be the best person I can be, the best example I can be for our daughter. I am so far from perfect and kick myself everyday for not having done better *but* I am more aware than my parents have ever been. (I love my parents very much. I don't hold them responsible anymore for my own issues. I have a lot of gratitude and compassion for them. I do think they did the best they knew how. They gave me as much as they could with their own limitations which allow me the courage, the insight to do better, I hope, for my daughter. My parents too are ACOAs so I understand.) What I don't want to do is to repeat the cycle! I want it to end with my generation!
Your baby is worth making the changes for! Our children are worth it! They are gifts from the Universe! You go, Chron! And thank you, Chron, for this valuable reminder --not to repeat the cycle!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
