Detached emotions from Addicted BF
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 24
Detached emotions from Addicted BF
If it was back 3 years ago, I would have gave this man a hug, cried with him through his pain, told him everything happens for a reason, reassured him it can and will get better and had full hope things would change.
2 years ago, I faced an enormous amount of pain from the continuing of him using. I spent most my days crying, worrying, angry, confused and feeling trapped. I had developed extreme panick attacks, was unable to do continue daily functions. Getting dressed seemed so tiring. I would drive to find him, analyze situations, wrap myself in his life thinking it would help me understand. We had just had a child together, I was scared the nightmare would never end, but the hope was still there. I found it extremely hard to live peacefuly. I loved this man but didn't even know him at all anymore.
1 year ago, some days were horrible, and some days were just ok. There were no real great days or nights that I can remember. We fought constantly, verbal threats by him became daily. The lies, abuse and secrecy became too much to bare. I wondered if I would ever really be able to seperate his life from consuming mine. I realized then that I had lost my complete identity. I didn't want to love him anymore. I wanted the pain to stop.
In those years, I have endured a lot of pain and suffering from a person who made a promise to love me, but of one who had no concept of the meaning because his mind was so warped by drugs. I FINALY know what letting go really means. The guilt is no longer there, as I have accepted and really believe now in the concept " I didn't cause it, I can't contol it and I can't cure it."
Today I laugh when things are funny, I make plans with friends and take my children to the park, swimming and little adventures without the resentment of him not being there. I am enjoying my life with my kids, and not just going through the motions. I have detached my emotions from his addiction and continued in rediscovering who I am and the wonderful blessings in my life. I am gaining back what I allowed his addiction to take away, joy and meaning.
There comes a point where we all hit crossroads in life. Where we either continue in what we were doing or take a new direction. I am taking a new direction and there has been enough time that has passed, to say without any helplessness or guilt, that I no longer am having this chaos and misery in my life. I will no longer repeat the last few years again. This is not the man for me. He has a great support of family behind him and not left alone if he decides to dive into recovery. I have chosen to not be a part of it any longer. He has used the kids and I for too long.
I don't know if anyone is at the point where I am right now on here. I view love in a totaly different way. I have finaly taken boundaries broken as serious as they get. There is no more "Once you get help and begin to recover our relationship may be saved." I have been through this over and over and over and over with him. I have endured enough pain from his choices. I can finaly say with confidence, the abusive cycle has been broken from me because I no longer allow it to reach me anymore.
Thank God and I will always hope he will recover from all this, for the sake of the children and himself. It's about time I take care of what I have control of and let go of what I cannot.
2 years ago, I faced an enormous amount of pain from the continuing of him using. I spent most my days crying, worrying, angry, confused and feeling trapped. I had developed extreme panick attacks, was unable to do continue daily functions. Getting dressed seemed so tiring. I would drive to find him, analyze situations, wrap myself in his life thinking it would help me understand. We had just had a child together, I was scared the nightmare would never end, but the hope was still there. I found it extremely hard to live peacefuly. I loved this man but didn't even know him at all anymore.
1 year ago, some days were horrible, and some days were just ok. There were no real great days or nights that I can remember. We fought constantly, verbal threats by him became daily. The lies, abuse and secrecy became too much to bare. I wondered if I would ever really be able to seperate his life from consuming mine. I realized then that I had lost my complete identity. I didn't want to love him anymore. I wanted the pain to stop.
In those years, I have endured a lot of pain and suffering from a person who made a promise to love me, but of one who had no concept of the meaning because his mind was so warped by drugs. I FINALY know what letting go really means. The guilt is no longer there, as I have accepted and really believe now in the concept " I didn't cause it, I can't contol it and I can't cure it."
Today I laugh when things are funny, I make plans with friends and take my children to the park, swimming and little adventures without the resentment of him not being there. I am enjoying my life with my kids, and not just going through the motions. I have detached my emotions from his addiction and continued in rediscovering who I am and the wonderful blessings in my life. I am gaining back what I allowed his addiction to take away, joy and meaning.
There comes a point where we all hit crossroads in life. Where we either continue in what we were doing or take a new direction. I am taking a new direction and there has been enough time that has passed, to say without any helplessness or guilt, that I no longer am having this chaos and misery in my life. I will no longer repeat the last few years again. This is not the man for me. He has a great support of family behind him and not left alone if he decides to dive into recovery. I have chosen to not be a part of it any longer. He has used the kids and I for too long.
I don't know if anyone is at the point where I am right now on here. I view love in a totaly different way. I have finaly taken boundaries broken as serious as they get. There is no more "Once you get help and begin to recover our relationship may be saved." I have been through this over and over and over and over with him. I have endured enough pain from his choices. I can finaly say with confidence, the abusive cycle has been broken from me because I no longer allow it to reach me anymore.
Thank God and I will always hope he will recover from all this, for the sake of the children and himself. It's about time I take care of what I have control of and let go of what I cannot.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Amen, sister.
It takes time, I think, to process what needs to be done before any of us get to this point. I know that with my son I had to try everything I knew before I surrendered and let go of the obsession to save what was not mine to save.
Your recovery speaks volumes when I hear the "acceptance and compassion" in your voice here. You are not walking away angry or bitter, you are walking wiser for the journey and grateful for the opportunity to choose a better path for you and your children.
Thank you for sharing this. There is always hope, for them and most of all for us. We DO get better, we CAN live our lives well, regardless of how they choose to live theirs. That's what recovery is all about.
Hugs
It takes time, I think, to process what needs to be done before any of us get to this point. I know that with my son I had to try everything I knew before I surrendered and let go of the obsession to save what was not mine to save.
Your recovery speaks volumes when I hear the "acceptance and compassion" in your voice here. You are not walking away angry or bitter, you are walking wiser for the journey and grateful for the opportunity to choose a better path for you and your children.
Thank you for sharing this. There is always hope, for them and most of all for us. We DO get better, we CAN live our lives well, regardless of how they choose to live theirs. That's what recovery is all about.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad that you are finding peace and joy regardless of what the addict in your life is doing. Acceptance and moving forward. That's best for you and best for your children. Your story may help someone else......thank you.
gentle hugs
ke
gentle hugs
ke
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