He couldn't make it 6 hours in a sober living facility
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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He couldn't make it 6 hours in a sober living facility
Hi -
My alcoholic BF/EXBF and I lived together for 2.5 years before I kicked him out in June. When I met him 3 years ago he was working as an engineer on an interesting building conversion project, had a car, and just seemed like a fun, interesting guy. By the time I kicked him out, he had a 2 month jail sentence for domestic violence on a different former girlfriend, 4 separate nights in jail for protective custody due to public drunkeness, countless incidents of peeing the bed in pretty much every place he ever slept, several on my Mother's couch, being banned from my workplace for passing out at a work function which required the police to wake him for fear of violence to a coworker - the list goes on. And the lies! Oh, the lies!
I set my boundary that he was not allowed to drink in the house. I kicked him out many times for drinking in the house and let him back in - the same old story - until I finally had enough: I got fired, a friend of many years died after a long illness, and I caught him pulling a bottle of vodka out from behind a bookcase, all on the same day. I didn't hear from him for weeks, which was hard, but my apartment was so, so calm.
He couch-surfed and spent some time in our local homeless shelter, and then came back promising he would go to a program, go to AA, sober up. Of course he doesn't believe in AA, as he's an atheist. My belief is that he became an atheist after he was ordered to go to AA after his first DUI many years ago - it allows him to conveniently discount anything that would require admitting he can't control his drinking.
I have to admit I fell for his promises more than once in the past two months, and was rewarded by finding him passed out drunk in my apartment (he made copies of my keys - I have taken more back while he's passed out drunk than I can believe) and have gotten smacked around from trying to get him awake and out of the apartment.
But this week seemed to be different. He said he realized how bad it was and applied for a spot in the homeless shelter's Working Man program, which is zero tolerance. He got in at 3:00pm. Hooray! I came home at 6:00pm to find him, again having broken into the apartment with another set of keys, passed out in my living room with a bottle of vodka next to him. I managed to get him out of the house and locked the new lock (for which I have the only key and stupidly forgot to lock in a rush this morning) behind him.
He just called to say that he had shown up at his new place, and not only would they not let him in, they kicked him out of the program. His phone call started out "Is this what you wanted?" Of course I'm a bitch for not letting him spend the night here so he could sleep it off - I just want him to fail. I had to hang up - it's so pointless.
I feel bad that he'll be sleeping on the street tonight, but I can't think of a more avoidable situation. He literally had to pay for the vodka this afternoon in quarters - it's so pathetic.
Thanks for letting me vent - this site is a godsend. Reading all of your stories let me see incidences were actually part of a pattern, and a well worn pattern at that. I'm fortunate in that neither of us have any children, I owed this apartment for many years before he came along, and he never contributed anything anyway, so despite losing my job, I have savings and I'm in no financial danger. He owes me a couple thousand dollars (talk about a red flag - I made the colossal mistake of lending him the money to pay his probation and batter's class fees so he wouldn't go back to jail, as he couldn't be bothered - d'oh!) but I gave up on that long ago.
So here I sit in my apartment tonight, no TV blaring, only one light on, phone off, ready to fall asleep by 10 even though it's a Friday night. I'm sure I'll be sucked back into the crazy in a matter of hours, but right now it's so, so calm.
My alcoholic BF/EXBF and I lived together for 2.5 years before I kicked him out in June. When I met him 3 years ago he was working as an engineer on an interesting building conversion project, had a car, and just seemed like a fun, interesting guy. By the time I kicked him out, he had a 2 month jail sentence for domestic violence on a different former girlfriend, 4 separate nights in jail for protective custody due to public drunkeness, countless incidents of peeing the bed in pretty much every place he ever slept, several on my Mother's couch, being banned from my workplace for passing out at a work function which required the police to wake him for fear of violence to a coworker - the list goes on. And the lies! Oh, the lies!
I set my boundary that he was not allowed to drink in the house. I kicked him out many times for drinking in the house and let him back in - the same old story - until I finally had enough: I got fired, a friend of many years died after a long illness, and I caught him pulling a bottle of vodka out from behind a bookcase, all on the same day. I didn't hear from him for weeks, which was hard, but my apartment was so, so calm.
He couch-surfed and spent some time in our local homeless shelter, and then came back promising he would go to a program, go to AA, sober up. Of course he doesn't believe in AA, as he's an atheist. My belief is that he became an atheist after he was ordered to go to AA after his first DUI many years ago - it allows him to conveniently discount anything that would require admitting he can't control his drinking.
I have to admit I fell for his promises more than once in the past two months, and was rewarded by finding him passed out drunk in my apartment (he made copies of my keys - I have taken more back while he's passed out drunk than I can believe) and have gotten smacked around from trying to get him awake and out of the apartment.
But this week seemed to be different. He said he realized how bad it was and applied for a spot in the homeless shelter's Working Man program, which is zero tolerance. He got in at 3:00pm. Hooray! I came home at 6:00pm to find him, again having broken into the apartment with another set of keys, passed out in my living room with a bottle of vodka next to him. I managed to get him out of the house and locked the new lock (for which I have the only key and stupidly forgot to lock in a rush this morning) behind him.
He just called to say that he had shown up at his new place, and not only would they not let him in, they kicked him out of the program. His phone call started out "Is this what you wanted?" Of course I'm a bitch for not letting him spend the night here so he could sleep it off - I just want him to fail. I had to hang up - it's so pointless.
I feel bad that he'll be sleeping on the street tonight, but I can't think of a more avoidable situation. He literally had to pay for the vodka this afternoon in quarters - it's so pathetic.
Thanks for letting me vent - this site is a godsend. Reading all of your stories let me see incidences were actually part of a pattern, and a well worn pattern at that. I'm fortunate in that neither of us have any children, I owed this apartment for many years before he came along, and he never contributed anything anyway, so despite losing my job, I have savings and I'm in no financial danger. He owes me a couple thousand dollars (talk about a red flag - I made the colossal mistake of lending him the money to pay his probation and batter's class fees so he wouldn't go back to jail, as he couldn't be bothered - d'oh!) but I gave up on that long ago.
So here I sit in my apartment tonight, no TV blaring, only one light on, phone off, ready to fall asleep by 10 even though it's a Friday night. I'm sure I'll be sucked back into the crazy in a matter of hours, but right now it's so, so calm.
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