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emerging from isolation

Old 08-05-2011, 08:57 AM
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emerging from isolation

Question for all of you...

So, gradually for the past 10 years or so, I have completely isolated myself from friends. I still have my husband, son, and other family, but as far as friends go...none. I have severe generalized anxiety and social phobia disorder which has made things difficult in the past. And my hibernation while drinking for 6 years didn't help either. Well, I am now sober and on medication for my anxiety, and am feeling definite improvement. I feel kind of stuck socially though. I feel like I'm ready to get back out there and challenge myself a bit but it's been so long that I honestly don't know how to interact with people-- I'm very rusty!!

Just wondering if any of you have any advice on how to emerge from isolation and meet some new friends.

Thanks!
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:13 AM
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I don't have an answer, but All of that sounds Very much like what I have done to myself.. I never was much of a social drinker and slowly withdrew myself from any type of gatherings of the last 15 years to the point now all my old friends have there own thing going on and I have a horrible time making new friends... Might try a Social Network like facebook, I have found a few old friends on there and one of them has quit drinking and sometimes goes to AA.
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:22 AM
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SO TRUE...i am there.
actually, since my divorce last christmas, i only c my son 1-2x/wk and have no real friends.
i've made a great effort 2 know all my neighbors, 'cause since i don't work regularly anymore--all i have are the daily pleasantries i xchange w my neighbors.
it's not enough, but i'm just praying 4 God 2 work somebody into my life that's not an addict/drinker.
i hope you will try bingo, free classes @ your library,church groups, or volunteering.
there are also free knitting classes @ the better yarn shops(when u buy yarn). i just try 2 mix-it-up a little, and not get too stressed about results being slow i may go take a college course. don't be afrid to spend money on yourself either.
my boss told me she had fun on a casino trip. she went BY HERSELF on a bus trip but said everyone was nice & she didn't need a companion just 2 do minor slot machines. she took a book w her for breaks. hope this helps
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:23 AM
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I too have been diagosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and social phobia--good thing we're on a thread and not in person.:-) Drinking alone and staying drunk was the perfect medication until it wasn't. Once I got to the point I was completly isolated, especially from myself there was no where left to go, nothing left to be. Recovering I still deal with isolation and overcoming the fear of frienship but I am reestablishing a relationship with the person I was born with and will die with and that's a start. That said, I'm now taking baby steps--saying good morning to people on my morning walk, talking to people about the weather and their dogs at the park, visiting with people standing in line, talking with neighbors and helping them out with stuff as I can. Its a start and a far cry from being buried in the bottle.

"No matter what road I travel, I'm going home." Shinso
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:39 AM
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Originally Posted by MycoolFitz View Post
I too have been diagosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and social phobia--good thing we're on a thread and not in person.:-) Drinking alone and staying drunk was the perfect medication until it wasn't. Once I got to the point I was completly isolated, especially from myself there was no where left to go, nothing left to be. Recovering I still deal with isolation and overcoming the fear of frienship but I am reestablishing a relationship with the person I was born with and will die with and that's a start. That said, I'm now taking baby steps--saying good morning to people on my morning walk, talking to people about the weather and their dogs at the park, visiting with people standing in line, talking with neighbors and helping them out with stuff as I can. Its a start and a far cry from being buried in the bottle.

"No matter what road I travel, I'm going home." Shinso
That is beautiful and so so true. Thank you
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Old 08-05-2011, 03:31 PM
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Thank you everyone! Really good ideas.

Mhealer3-- I'll have to check out the knitting thing. I don't knit at all but it's something that I've always wanted to learn how to do. The library thing is also a good idea. I love going to the library and reading. Maybe there's a book club or something I could join. Great ideas!

MycoolFitz-- Yes, it is good we're on a thread and not in person or I would probably be sweating profusely trying to think of something to say!! It makes me feel better that you know what I'm talking about and are making steps to change it. Honestly, I feel like such an idiot when talking to people. My Orkin lady came yesterday to spray for bugs and I small talked with her and everything but I was so nervous and started sweating! It's just really frustrating. I'm sure she didn't notice anything weird, but I wish I could enjoy those types of interactions instead of dreading them. Ya know? I guess I just need to keep pushing myself to talk to people and hopefully eventually I'll be comfortable enough to nab a friend.
Thanks again!
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Old 08-05-2011, 03:34 PM
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When I was a kid I had to stand up in front of the class to give a book report. I barfed instead. But I didn't have to finish the report.
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Old 08-05-2011, 03:44 PM
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Volunteering helped me...I really recommend it
I reconnected with a lot of those old friends too

D
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Old 08-05-2011, 03:54 PM
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Thanks, Dee.... I've actually thought about volunteering. Just have to push past the anxiety to get myself there somehow. It's a really good idea though... maybe that should be my first challenge. Get out of my own head for a bit and help other people.
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Old 08-05-2011, 03:56 PM
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MyCoolFitz-- You make me laugh!! We should compare our nightmare childhood stories sometime.
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Old 08-05-2011, 04:56 PM
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Saphira, I think you're doing great and I know you will find your way with friends. Just take things slowly. One thing that I learned about myself was that I used to have expectations of friends. In other words, if I did something for them, I would expect them to do something for me. Needless to say, I faced a lot of disappointment. In recovery, I try to keep my expectations in check when I meet people, and just wait and see what happens.

And, as Dee said, volunteering is the best. My volunteer job saved me in every way when I was in the early years of recovery and I met some of the best women I have ever known. What a gift!
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Old 08-05-2011, 05:32 PM
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Hi Saphira, I've isolated myself for the past few years as well. I go out more now to bookstores, for coffee, to the Riverwalk downtown... and two weekends from now I'll be going out to volunteer for a "Clean-Up-Our-Lake" project where I live. This gets me around people but I don't feel pressure to talk unless it just happens naturally.

Good luck!
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Old 08-05-2011, 05:38 PM
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Originally Posted by saphira View Post
MyCoolFitz-- You make me laugh!! We should compare our nightmare childhood stories sometime.
My dad said he would ground me (or maybe he said drown me) and with hold my allowance if I didn't join boyscouts. It felt like a no win proposition to me. Plus I come from a family of off the wall extroverts.
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Old 08-05-2011, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted by MycoolFitz View Post
When I was a kid I had to stand up in front of the class to give a book report. I barfed instead. But I didn't have to finish the report.
Reminds me of when I was a kid and had to do a book report. I almost passed out. Can't believe how many things I had forgotten that I am now remembering. Sweet
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Old 08-05-2011, 06:13 PM
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I am in the same position as you saphira. Only people I come in contact with is at work. I have never had a lot of friends at once but always one real close one. I lost that one when I started drinking. I was considering volunteering myself. I am just going to take it slow and see what happens.
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Old 08-05-2011, 06:22 PM
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Shhh...listen...do you hear the whoosh of friends requests in cyberspace?

Glad to be amongst friends on this fantastic forum!
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Old 08-05-2011, 07:14 PM
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Thank you all so much for your support! It seems many of us are without "real" friends...how lucky to have so many friends on this forum!! I have heard all of you and will take your advice. I feel it's time to get back out there and let my society know that saphira is back!

MyCoolFitz-- I come from a family of extroverts as well--funny, huh? I can barely get a word in when my family is together!!

(For the Childhood-Anxiety Files...) ** When I was in kindergarten, the whole school was in the gym... students, families..tons of people. It was my turn to sing verse 3 of "Puff the Magic Dragon". I saw the microphone getting closer as each verse was sung... soon it was upon me. What did I do? I started bawling...ran off the stage and left some other girl to sing my verse.**
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Old 08-06-2011, 04:18 AM
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Originally Posted by saphira View Post
Thank you all so much for your support! It seems many of us are without "real" friends...how lucky to have so many friends on this forum!! I have heard all of you and will take your advice. I feel it's time to get back out there and let my society know that saphira is back!

MyCoolFitz-- I come from a family of extroverts as well--funny, huh? I can barely get a word in when my family is together!!

(For the Childhood-Anxiety Files...) ** When I was in kindergarten, the whole school was in the gym... students, families..tons of people. It was my turn to sing verse 3 of "Puff the Magic Dragon". I saw the microphone getting closer as each verse was sung... soon it was upon me. What did I do? I started bawling...ran off the stage and left some other girl to sing my verse.**
Sounds like you came from a big family. I am the baby of 7. You should have seen us at family gatherings. Everyone talking at once, trying to get their point across. Boy was it loud.
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Old 08-06-2011, 07:44 AM
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Well, in my never ending attempt to be recovery I'm going to walk to the towntown farmer's market. It will provide me both exercise, healthy diet and the necessity/opportunity to be around a crowd of people. Maybe buy some fresh, organic fruits and vegetables. My natural inclination is just to hunker down in my own apartment and do my introverted thing. But then I fear I run the trap of doing sobriety rather than working recovery. I think its a matter of not just counting sober days but expanding my personal horizons--i.e., growth. Seems small, but not so much for an isolate.

"Atop a 100 foot pole, how do you step forward". Shishuang

Isolation is my 100 foot pole.
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Old 08-06-2011, 07:50 AM
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Me too, lpn, one of 7; but I am number 5.
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