BodhiTree

So, this weekend is our wedding anniversary. We live in a large city and have reservations at a hip, foodie-heaven farmhouse style restaurant that is as known for its wine list as it is for its seasonal menu which changes on a daily basis.

I am really looking forward to a nice evening out and to the delicious food but this will be my first time out at a restaurant like this since I stopped drinking. I know it's going to feel weird to not have wine.

I guess I'm just looking for any suggestions for self-talk when I order the San Pellegrino instead of the wine. I am not worried about slipping and having a drink. I am worried about not enjoying the dinner because I'm so obsessed with not being "allowed" to have wine with my meal.

Thanks for listening. :-)

Charon

I find that I've started to really enjoy good food with seltzer with a tiny splash of lime juice. Has a sharp edge like a good beer but no alcohol so you can drink as much as you want. As a substitute for wine I find a good lemonaide works for me. Keep in mind that wine is supposed to be used minimally as a condiment with good food, not as a beverage. You sip wine with great food to enhance the flavor and drink water to cleanse the palet and for hydration. I understand that his is not the way us americans do it - it's just what I have been told by people in the know.

MycoolFitz

Remember, the enjoyment is in your head, not in your glass or on your plate. You can have your sparkling water and your fine meal too. Its up to your thoughts to enjoy it or not.

"The kind of life you have is not so important. The most important thing is to be able to enjoy your life without having to be fooled by things."--S. Suzuki

eJoshua

Just remind yourself of how horrible the memory of that meal will be if you drink.

eJoshua

Oh, and happy anniversary, btw.

BodhiTree

Or remind myself that I would like to actually remember the meal? Good point. :-)

Fitz, yes, it's all in my head...I just need to get my monkey mind under control!

Charon, thanks for the suggestions and the information about how we overuse wine. That's great for me to keep in mind. I, obviously, was never a wine sipper. More of a gulper, really.

MycoolFitz

Yes, sometimes for us, monkey mind see, monkey mind do.

Charon

Yeah, me too. It could be a great bottle of Chateu Neuf de P.ape or a gallon jug of Cribarri chianti. I wasn't done till the bottle was empty. I do miss the taste of a good red with Filet Mignon but that's a small price to pay for sobriety.

Mark75

Yea, I remember my first like that... It was weird, of course it was!! I also relate to that "not allowed to" feeling.

It'll go better than you think, if you let it ... And it gets better and better....

Elisabeth888

I may have began as one who pared wine with food, but I certainly was not doing that in the end. That was the last thing on my mind. I was gulping also. Chugging is more like it. I never went any crappier than sutter home, but I may as well have been drinking strawberry hill or something.

My taste buds are back and I am totally enjoying food and cooking sober. So far I have not missed the wine in the dishes either- I am subbing with chicken stock and a bit of freshly squeezed lemon juice.

Added bonus: the bill is SO much cheaper when a bottle of wine (or two) is on the tab. I like coffee and dessert

Suresh

Hi There!!

Who says you're not "allowed" to? Its just you dont want to! There's a big difference, and wine with the food, your tastebuds will tell you the food is good even though its not.... i remember after drinking i'd go to the nearest restaurant and order something, even though i know its not nice, the minute i start eating it i'll be like... yummm.... so tasty... lol.. I'm sure a lot of us has had that.

As eJoshua said, enjoy the meal, savor it, and bring back the memory of it home. Something you couldnt do if you were drinking yes?

Oh and Happy Anniversary

P.S: Dont forget to tell us how the food was.. ok now im hungry...

ETA

I think about this a lot. The whole foodie thing is what bums me out the most about not drinking.

Have you ever read anything about Mindfulness - specificially Mindful Eating?

The idea is to really focus on the food, savor the experience of each bite - a way to be completely present with your food - as opposed to being distracted by what you aren't having. And use the extra bunches of money on a super awesome dessert and espresso.

I took a class on it and we spent 1/2 hour eating a raisin. It was both kind of silly but mostly vert interesting.

So far it has worked really well for me.

If you're interested check this page out: The Center for Mindful Eating - The Principles of Mindful Eating

BodhiTree

I am constantly amazed at how many great people post on SR. I'm so glad I found this site when I decided to get sober.

ETA, thank you for the reminder of being mindful and especially of eating mindfully. It's something I'm working on but it's so hard for me to get out of my own way.

Suresh, I know! I know! That's my inner addict whining about not being allowed to drink. I do still have those moments of "it's not fair that I can't just have a glass of wine like normal people." I'm working on it but I'm just not there yet.

Elisabeth and Mark, thanks for letting me know it gets better and that it won't always feel weird.

Charon, now I'm gulping lots of fizzy water. I bought a SodaStream and man, is it ever getting a workout!

Fitz, :-)

ETA

I ended up on reading the board today because I was feeling all bummed and whiny about the weekend.

So Sodastream - good investment?

BodhiTree

We can be whiny together. :-)

I love my SodaStream.

I found myself drinking loads and loads of sparkling water when I quit drinking alcohol. I stopped drinking bottled still water long ago for environmental reasons, so buying all the bottles of fizzy water was bothering me. Plus it was a pain to lug all the water home, run out before I had planned to, etc.

I also find there's a bit of ritual to carbonating and flavoring the water. And I miss my drinking rituals, so it's nice to replace it with a healthier ritual.

I don't know financially how long it will take to pay off. I bought the cheapest one but it was still over $100 by the time I bought some flavorings and extra bottles. But I'm enjoying it, I'm staying hydrated, and I feel like I have a treat in my hand, so I'm happy with it.

Anna

BodhiTree, mindful eating is such a good idea!

I fell that as my life slowed to a normal pace when I stopped drinking and I began to realize that meals could be enjoyable. And, we always splurge on fancy desserts now.

Happy Anniversary!

BodhiTree

Thank you, Anna! I always enjoy reading your encouraging posts. You just exude serenity. :-)

ETA

Oh that's a great point. I know I'll buy one eventually - I have been drinnking gallons of fizzy water - trying to spruce it up with things like mint and lime.

Every once in a while I get all riled up and want to start a movement to get nice restaurants to start offering fancy non-alcoholic drink options. Something that is fun to order even if a person does drink. I don't like soda and lord help me if I ever get sick of seltzer!

I'm making these this weekend: Lemon Mint Ice Cubes | She Wears Many Hats

*as you can tell I needed this thread too

BodhiTree

I've read several articles recently about restaurants offering more "grown up" sodas that are less sweet and have more interesting flavors. I'm still not big on soda, though, either.

Let me know how the ice cubes turn out. They look delish!!

Symmetry

Happy Anniversary!!!

Here's a link to order organic conentrates. I have a soda stream and this stuff is amazing and natural. Calorie free and natural because the sweetness is derived from truvia(?) or whatever Check it out!

Take Your Diet to the Next Level with Organic and Natural Flavored Syrups and Toppings!