FindingPeace1

So...
After the rough emotions I posted about (which ARE on topic), I found out my boss is leaving and I have been trying to figure out whether to take her job and also realizing that in the park job I'm in doesn't allow me to do any sign interpreting (so my skills are declining). And I have to decide whether to prioritize stability or think about a different job where I could continue to practice both...
but I still feel so fragile from the divorce, although I would like the money (and status, I admit), I feel shaken to switch jobs and learn something new...or to MOVE and deal with all that in a totally new job...
and there might be another job next year in the park, which would be almost perfect, but only last 4 years and then I would lose my subsidized housing and food working for the concession in the park...but I'd be park service with the 4 year job...so I was wondering if I should take that...

and I was biking home...
AND on the phone with a friend about all this stuff (I know! Why was I on the phone??)...

and I totally crashed my bike and scraped my knee, both heels of my hands, AND my chin!

All bloody but fine, but as the evening is wearing on, I can't chew well because my jaw (muscles? tendons?) are so tweaked from the crash...
AND I think my left wrist (I am left handed) might be sprained...

and my xah removed me from health insurance, but I can't sign up for insurance till I prove a qualifying life event...
and the papers JUST came back from the court, but I haven't had a spare minute to turn them in and sign up for insurance...
so I HAVE NONE
so it will cost an arm and a leg out of pocket...

and all of it was from being so emotionally overwhelmed that I was not in my body.
Not the first time.
I just don't know I am not in my body when I'm not, so I don't notice.

So...that's dumb.
That's all really dumb.

And now I am slowing WAAAAy down.

well, I JUST paid for a whitewater raft trip tomorrow morning (no refunds), and I think I have to cancel and eat the cost cuz of my wrist!

And I came home to the dog having spilled the compost (and eaten much of it). It was all over the floor and old so now my carpet smells like DEATH! ICK!

I took her to a friend and she puked on their carpet already.

So that's my day.

DANG!

fp

hwsm

Wow! Just when I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself and think I'm having a bad day........ Sorry to hear about your day. It always seem to come that way, doesn't it? Not just one little thing here or there, but a whole lotta sh*t gets thrown at us all at once! Sending you a hug and keeping you in my prayers tonight. Get a good night's rest and hopefully tomorrow will bring a new day to comptemplate all your options. Peace my friend.:ghug3

ariadne

I am so sorry. Sometimes I literally feel like I am not occupyng my body, when super-stressed and hyper anxious I feel as if I am floating about 2 inches adrift of it (usually upwards). Sounds nutty, but the adrenaline and other stress hormones flooding me for extended periods have that effect.

Hopefully after a long sleep and a long bath and no white water rafting your body will work out how injured it is and start to heal and settle down.

Perhaps now you have the paperwork tomorrow during the white water rafting space you can apply for health insurance? I'm assuming that needs to be done and will be a weight off of your mind (if you can write at all with your hand, or get someone else to fill it out for you).
the job - whichever decision you make will be the right one. But you probably don't have to decide today, or tomorrow whilst your head is in turmoil and your body is healing.

Do you need health insurance/a visit to a GP to deal with a sprain, can you have a first aider strap it for you at work? Only obviously if you are confident in their skills, but in my experince strains just usually get better on their own as long as you fully rest them, and either heat or cold applied (or alternate heat/cold) to reduce any painful swelling to a managable amount - check the latest guidelines. Trust your body to heal itself and your mind to decide the right direction for you, but all in good time.

transformyself

Oh Peace, I"m so sorry. It looks like you now have a "worst day ever," story. Mine was the day I crashed my car UNDER a semi truck, totalling it. Came home and there was an eviction notice on the door, and then I called work to say I couldn't come in and they fired me. No scrapes though. Just bruised ego.

Mercury is retrograde you know- travel and communication are challenged, so the fact that you were doing BOTH with the phone and the bicycle, it isn't surprising that you crashed.

I hope you heal up quickly.

I didn't know you had such an awesome job. It's always been my dream to live and work in a park. I've spent many days searching jobs on the internet, I haven't been able to do it though because of the kids. They go to school here. But I want to run off into the (state park) wilderness.

and thank you for this
because it reminds me of a vow I made to myself the first time AH moved out in 2003, which is to make sure the decisions I'm making are not based in fear. No fear based decisions.

When I do this, when I couple it with doing the next right thing and letting go of the outcome, amazing things happen.

Sending you prayers and hugs. You'll sort it out.

Freedom1990

I hurt just reading about your accident!

Please be gentle with yourself!

lillamy

Ooooouch!!!

Yes to that. I found that challenges in the work place was what kept me focused after the separation and divorce, and new and hard things were my friend. They actually felt... like a relief, because they forced my mind to get away from catastrophic thinking and worrying and use the rational part of the brain. It was almost like taking an emotional nap. But that's just my experience.

Either way, that's a super-sh*tty day and I'm sorry.

Tuffgirl

Bad days suck. You must be hurting today, too. Having rafted lots of times, maybe if you brace your wrist well you can still go, as long as you are not the rower. I recommend a store bought wrist brace with duct tape over it. Really holds the wrist steady like a cast.

I always think I am a way better multi-tasker than I really am. Life seems to take those moments to remind me to pay attention and let the perceived crises wait until I am in a place to deal with them.

Hope today is a better day for you, FP.

FindingPeace1

Today IS better for me.

The crash REALLY slowed me down (in a good way - a reminder to slow down).

I decided I don't need the new, stressful job and I have found much peace with that.
One day and one decision at a time.
I feel so much better.

I like my little life and little home and am OK.

Thanks,
fp

Babyblue

Sorry to hear about your situation. Stress and disassociating usually go hand in hand. Your mind is on overload.

Try not to push yourself. I've been there, ignored the 'signs' and had a full breakdown years back.

Take care of yourself!