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Grumpy, bored, when does it change?

Old 08-04-2011, 10:37 AM
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Grumpy, bored, when does it change?

Been off drinking now 1 week. It was remarkably easy, even went out to see a friends' band but that was weird and boring (maybe it was too soon). So, as I mentioned before, husband still drinks, and that's been what we do since we met 5 years ago. We'd just hang on the porch drinking all night listening to music, or we'd barbecue some ribs all day and just drink beer. Last night we were making dinner and it was just not the same. Nothing is the same. He's still drinking and I get bored.now because I'm not. I also get kind of annoyed when he starts getting tipsy and slurring. I have been so cranky and thinking it isn't fair because drinking was fun and now I feel like a bore. I notice evryone drinking around me, the neighbors, people buying beer at! the grocery store (and our brand, mind you). I feel pretty decent during the day, but I never started drinking until 5 or so anyway, except on the weekend. Oh, we also went to the lake, which was normally a case of beer outting. When we weren't in the water, it was dull without sipping on the beer and.getting tipsy. I supppse it must get better, but it seems even for non alcoholics, drinking just makes everything more fun. Even my friend who doesn't like drinking says going to shows is mostly boring without having a drink. I could easily just smoke pot instead, but why do I, or anyone, feel the need to be under the influence to have fun?!? Sorry such a long post, but AAARRGH!
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:44 AM
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I think that there is an adjustment period that has to happen when you quit alcohol. I used to wait until 5 to start drinking and that was usually when I would start cooking supper as well. I LOVED cooking a great meal while sippin' on my booze. It was my ritual. After I quit drinking, I remember cooking and just feeling like it sucked...that something was missing. I wondered if I would ever actually enjoy cooking again. This went for many things in my life-- even watching tv or cleaning. It took some time, but now it's normal for me to not have a drink while doing these things. In fact, the other night I had gotten out all of my ingredients and was beginning to cook and realized that it never crossed my mind that I wish I had a drink with me. I think you need to allow yourself some time to get used to your new situation.
By the way, I'm not sure of your situation or how you ended up after drinking, but even though I loved the cooking hour, I did NOT love how the rest of the night typically went which was me creating a scene with my husband and then passing out.
Maybe you're expecting things to be too different too quickly. It takes time.
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:50 AM
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It sounds like it's time to make some big changes in your life.

If going to the shows is boring without drinking, then don't go to the shows. And, maybe try planning simpler meals that don't involve so much cooking. Are there other things you can do at the lake? I love reading when I'm at a cottage and going for long walks. Look inward and figure out what you like and want to do, and then go for it.
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:59 AM
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I had to become an alcoholic to realize that everything is so much more fun and meaningful without alcohol.

But my first week of recovery was all about fighting urges and battling boredome. I did everything with a beer or glass of wine. But instead of drinking, I am now living.

Everyone is different. For me, I had a moment of clarity that filled then propelled my conviction to live sober. The feeling gets stronger and stronger. I feel high. I'm high on life.

If my husband was a drinker and continued...I can't say for sure where I'd be at with sobriety. I'm sorry that you are struggling. It takes a lot of will power to manage sobriety around a user. My huband and I are getting sober at the same time. It's like we just met! It's been a wonderful couple of weeks but not without trepidation.

Stick it out. How will you know unless do? It gets better. Drinking will only get in the way of things getting better.
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Old 08-04-2011, 11:19 AM
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Nobody said beginning sobriety would be fun especially if you have a using spouse and are committed to trying to do the same drunk things sober. It takes time and effort. Its not all about just not drinking, its about recovering your personhood too. Besides not picking up you need to make some changes in thoughts, attitudes and behavior. It can and will get better but you've got to work it. Best with your work.
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Old 08-04-2011, 11:21 AM
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The awesome thing about sobriety is creating a new life. Drunk life for me anyway was mostly in my head. I didn't DO anything. Just sitting there drinking.

So I would say... of course you're bored if you're sitting on the porch all night . Do something! (now I sound like my 5 year old. "I want to DO something mommy!!!").

I used to think that alcohol made everything more fun, too. But the truth was that it made everything I did more fun. And I didn't really do anything. So yes, maybe sitting on my ass is more fun with a drink. But shopping, working out, volunteering, playing with my kids... all those things are way more fun without alcohol.

So I guess I'd say what I said to myself and not in a mean way - "Get a life".

congrats on your first week!
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Old 08-04-2011, 11:24 AM
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Originally Posted by SSIL75 View Post
The awesome thing about sobriety is creating a new life. Drunk life for me anyway was mostly in my head. I didn't DO anything. Just sitting there drinking.

So I would say... of course you're bored if you're sitting on the porch all night . Do something! (now I sound like my 5 year old. "I want to DO something mommy!!!").

I used to think that alcohol made everything more fun, too. But the truth was that it made everything I did more fun. And I didn't really do anything. So yes, maybe sitting on my ass is more fun with a drink. But shopping, working out, volunteering, playing with my kids... all those things are way more fun without alcohol.

So I guess I'd say what I said to myself and not in a mean way - "Get a life".

congrats on your first week!
Yes!!! Exactly! That's it! Drinking made sitting on my ass more fun! Great insight! Aha! Get a life! Love it!
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Old 08-04-2011, 11:35 AM
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Boredom is a state of mind... does it really exist or is it the mind's inability to occupy itself? Life is action, it's what you make....

it's like buying a yellow truck and then all you see are yellow trucks....

alter your mind's view of the world.....

everything changes, give time time!
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Old 08-04-2011, 11:42 AM
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For 27 years I didn't think I was having fun or living if I wasn't drinking. Being sober made me realize that I was missing life when I was drinking.

When you realize that drinking doesn't equal fun, that's when you will quit thinking about it.

It took a long time for me to figure out that alcohol was ruining my life not making it better and more interesting.
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Old 08-04-2011, 11:54 AM
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SSIL, great post! I agree with all that 100%. I am only on day 4 so very new to this, but I did realize during my drinking that...what did I do when I drank, besides drink? Almost nothing!! Sit in my room, stand around a bar, play mindless video games. Nothing that really took much attention or thought.

I'm hoping that I can get far enough along so that I can start breaking out of doing nothing and start developing more real hobbies and interests!
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Old 08-04-2011, 01:02 PM
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I keep grabbing for the imaginary glass while I'm cooking. I have to realize, it's not necessarily a craving as much as it is habit. Out of the corner of my eye I even think I see the wine glass. I figure after a couple weeks cooking, it will be habit NOT to reach for it, but until then it is a tad annoying.
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Old 08-04-2011, 01:06 PM
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I'm too new here to give any advice, but Songtx, you sound EXACTLY like my wife. We were to both stop drinking 7/25/11, she did for that one day, and all night long complained about being bored, and that there was nothing to do... Maybe because I was depressed the first half of my life and I finally beat it, but I can just look at the world around us, and see all the beauty (yeah, there's a lot of ugly too) and just be satisfied with that. I can go for a walk, or a bike ride, look at the clouds, the stars at night...

I've heard it said that for addicts, "I'm bored" = "I'm sad". I believe it, and I don't believe my wife is "bored" I believe she is sad. You, Songtx?
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Old 08-04-2011, 01:23 PM
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Congrats on 8 days. Nice start.
Some of this is dealing with your expectations. You thought you could quit drinking, and right away, you'd feel better and happier than when you were drinking. That's the problem. You should expect the 1st 90 days to be a big adjustment period. Your friends who quit cigs didn't say "i haven't smoked for 8 days. I feel like crap. Cigs are good for you and make you feel better."

Also, don't compare the peak of your hubby's evening alcohol buzz with your early sobriety evenings. Instead, compare the energy you have when waking up without the morning detox while your husband moves a lot slower in the morning.

What were the reasons you stopped drinking 9 days ago? Remember those reasons, they're still valid.

At least give it 90 days. That's only 1/4 of one year. And you have 70+ years. 90 days is only 1/280th of your life.
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Old 08-04-2011, 01:43 PM
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Why do people think they need to be under the influence of something to have fun, is probably because their brain isn't producing dopamine naturally anymore, because they've gone and introduced drugs or alcohol to make them feel euphoric. Sure, being buzzed sounds like fun in theory, but would anyone want to sacrifice how awesome an orgasm is, by using a drug that gives you one, only to take away your natural ability to acheive one? I doubt it. So... if happiness and peace of mind are sacred to anyone, then giving yourself a few months, or a year, or more... or forever, if you're able, to cleanse your system and allow our bodies to return to their awesome natural, healthy states, producing their own highs and lows without artificial stimulation, is a beautifully selfish thing.

You just can't explain this stuff to some people, they either get it or they don't. Happiness is no ball and chain.
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Old 08-04-2011, 01:56 PM
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SongTX, it doesn't change. You do.
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Old 08-04-2011, 02:02 PM
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Hi songtx

I think what you're going through is normal - it takes time for our bodies and minds to recuperate -if you're like me you drank for years - a week or two isn't really much against that...give it time - it will get better

I also agree that I needed to do more than just not drink - I had to change my life...I found my life dull and boring too - which is not surprising because all I used to do was sit in front of the TV...

Nothings the same - that's true. But it's not a deprivation and I hope you give yourself the chance to see that - there really is a lot of joy to be had living sober

find new things to do...occupy your mind....if things you do now are difficult - like seeing bands - maybe it's best to leave those activities for a while....?

hang in there - you can do this

D
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Old 08-04-2011, 02:17 PM
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What Dee said, especially that you're so early in recovery. Give yourself more time and work on finding things to do that are fun in themselves. When I look back at my drinking life it wasn't a life, it was an existance between bottles. No fun at all. Now I'm fully awake and aware and ready for anything.

Give yourself more time. It's still very early.
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Old 08-05-2011, 02:22 PM
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Thanks all

So yeah, you're all pretty much right. Yes I do need to give it time, and get a life! I've been an unemployed singer, songwriter since moving to Texas almost 4 years ago. My husband and I are in a band and have done rather well. Unfortunately, over the years, we have put drinking ahead of moving forward with tbe music, I.e. practicing, recording, etc. my husband blamea me, because I don't work and apparently I should just be crapping songs out and practicing my ass off everyday. I just haven't felt like it, especially in the last 4 months or so. I'm not happy, I haven't felt good about drinking a smoking every night, and it finally got too much. How am I supposed to.feel like playing guitar and writing songs. Don't want to write sad ones. True, I am not super motivated to practice in general, but its never been this bad. So now, and for a while.now I have been "not contribiting" we actually make decent $ from the music, bit I guess we could make more. Sob story, I have major depression, and have been off meds for years. But I haven't been, I've been self medicating for years. Now I feel worse than ever, no control over my temper, crying all the time. Tried to make an appointment today, but surprise we have no money right now...
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Old 08-05-2011, 02:38 PM
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Hi Songtx, nice to meet you!

It takes a while to get back in touch with what we have lost, intererets, old friends, new hobbies. But it all comes in time.

A songwrier, eh? I was an English major, I write peotry and fiction, but have played with writing a few songs.

This song came to mind when I read your post, not only because of the Texas reference, but the happy/sad feeling, and the sense of reaching out from isolation...very pretty!

Anchored Down in Anchorage. (link will open song via you-tube)

Hope you enjoy it, as a song writer, or even in general
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Old 08-05-2011, 03:07 PM
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I was a musician and I got that way too Songtx - my creative spark simply went out, drowned in the amount of booze I was drinking....

it did come back tho...it took a little while, but it did come back
I know yours will too

D
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